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The gift mom never received


Nick C

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Mom and I always exchanged a Christmas present on Thanksgiving.

I thought I would one day give her a Christmas Stocking with the title "Grammy" to inform her she would be a Grandmother.

Well, it doesn't get to happen that way, but the news is the same.

Keri is 3 months along with Mom's first Grandchild.

The happiness is there but incredibly muted to be honest. I'm excited but in a very subdued way.

And I am still looking for the excitement from someone, anyone, which would mirror the excitement we would have received from my mother. But I know I am not going to find that no matter how hard I look.

That said, I'm feeling very blessed to have this kid on the way...I believe I will feel much more joy soon.

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Hi Nick,

CONGRATULATIONS!

Perhaps the greatest gift will be that you can see your beautiful mother in your beatiful baby, and know that she does indeed see and she is overwhelmed with excitement.

We have a 3-year-old granddaughter. She lives in England, so we haven't had a lot of time with her. I know as she grows older, her memory will fade of her fun granddad Bill. I'm going to make a little book just for her all about her granddad. Perhaps that's something to think about.

Hugs,

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Nick,

Many congratulations to you and your wife on the upcoming addition to your family. Every time I see a wee one I think about the beauty and miracle of a new life coming into this world and how it gives a sense of balance to the losses.

I know you will be flooded with hope the first time you feel the baby's foot or elbow as he/she moves inside your wife. Your dear Mother knows and is happy for this new life.

Hugs,

Welthy

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Congratulations Nick and Keri!!!! you are a wonderful son and will be a wonderful father. I cannot imagine how bittersweet this is for you :? . No one will be able to replace the joy your mother would have, but know that she will live on and that maybe she has already 'met' that little one. I guess it's a good thing that nobody ever told us how hard life could get, huh? Hopefully yours will look a little bit brighter now.

Kasey

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OMG!! Nick and Keri I am so happy for you both....

(See me jumping up and down??))

I know it's sad too...wishing your mom could be here and be grandma.....

Kennedy came to us 2 months after my dad passed away...he didn't even know the possibility of her....someone (from here) told me this when I wrote I wished my dad could have met her....

"But he did meet her...He met her first before she was ever born."

That thought is what comforted me.

Congratulations...give Keri a big hug from me. I'm so so happy for your both.

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Congratulations Nick! While you are still trying to process the fact that you mom is not there, that little baby is growing and growing...your mom knows! Stay strong, and teach your darling baby about its grandma...it will be such beautiful lessons.

Blessings and congrats!

Jen

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(((((((((Nick & Keri))))))))))))

I am so happy and excited for both of you. Being a parent is the most fulfilling thing that will ever happen to you....until you become a grandparent. I can so relate to the joy you wanted your Mom to experience, since I now have my first grandchild and can remember the jumping up and down. When Ella was born,it was a happy time for me but I kept thinking how much Dennis would have loved her. I had a dream a couple of days after she was born. In the dream, I was telling Dennis all about his beautiful grandaughter. He looked over at me with a beautiful smile as he said.....Ella and I met long before you ever laid eyes on her. I have to believe that and I believe your Mom already knows that precious baby!!!

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Oh Nick, I know just how you feel. When my son died, 3 months later my daughter said she was pregnent with my second grandchild. Both my grandkids are from my daughter. I wanted to be sooo HAPPY and in a small way I was, but the otherside of me just cried.

((((((((((((((NICK)))))))))))))

CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your mom will be a very proud Grandmother.

Funny how things work, my First Grandchild was born on the same date that my mother passed way on. I think my mom had her hand in that one. :wink:

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I am so happy for you two!

My bro is expecting his first child in November. I know there will be tears of regret, but most of them will be of joy on that day. I, too, believe that Mom is holding that child close to her in heaven right now, whispering in its ear all sorts of mischief for the baby to pull on my brother.

I'm smiling for you!

:) Kelly

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Congratulations Nick! I have been waiting for this news from you for months now. You and Keri really deserve this.

It really is very bittersweet. As you know, Ian was born three weeks after my mom died. She had every intention of seeing her new grandson. Most days I really feel like she is coming home soon and we'll all catch up, and she'll hold him in her arms. Boy, I'd give anything to make that happen.

What I do know is that it's very hard to walk this earth without that special someone there who was always proud of you. I have this relatively new life with my husband and three kids, and he always reminds me that he is here for me whenever, whatever I need, but my mom was pretty much my last link to my childhood. I am forced to grow up now, and I don't like it. Not one bit.

I remember when I made the invitations to Ian's Christening, and when I finished, I wanted to run downstairs to my mom's room and show her. She would have said, with a big smile on her face, "you are just so darned creative, I'm tellin ya, you really need to go into business!" But her room was dark; it had only been about ten weeks since her death. My beautiful boy never knew his grandma. And he never will. I feel cheated, robbed, depressed, angry. I feel (unrealistically, I know) as though Ian could have saved my mom's life. Now he has the name she picked for him, but she will never know it.

What I can tell you is that it took Stu and I four years of invasive tests, treatments, procedures, and tons of money to get pregnant. We had a lot of failure, miscarriages, heartache. We were in the middle of treatment when my dad was diagnosed with LC. He died in 9/99; we never had success. Then my grandpa got sick and died in 9/00. Six months later, we got pregnant with the twins. When God thought the time was right, it happened. I was sad that my dad and grandpa missed out on such a happy occasion for us. But I really do feel that the time was right.

I haven't gotten to that point yet with my mom's death. When I found out I was PG with Ian all I could think was, "I can't be. How will I care for my mom?" And even though I am sad/angry/depressed that she didn't get to meet Ian, a tiny piece of me knows that God knew He was going to take my mom from me and gave me Ian to help me with the grief. I went through the labor and birth in a blur--I really don't remember most of it, to be honest. And in the long run, it feels as though I swapped one life for another when I came home with Ian. We were busy caring for another person, but someone else, and in a different way. It was (and still is) very hard.

You know that this is a GOOD THING. I just wish so badly that your mom could be here to share in your news.

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Nick, such wonderful news. I have heard that a first child can be very healing to those of us who've lost our moms and I hope that proves true for you.

But I have to believe that your sweet mom is even more thrilled than you and your wife at this moment - that she's tickled pink to be a Grandma Angel.

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Oh, Nick, the tangle of emotions you are feeling and will feel must be so overwhelming, but I am here to tell you I am so, so happy for you and Keri! You will make great parents. :D

Happy dance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feel whatever comes natural. Allow yourselves that kindness, and do NOT feel guilt for any sadness or anger or whichever emotion runs through you. It's ok.

Wishing you many blessings,

Karen

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Nick ~ I am SO happy for you and Keri!!! I know how bittersweet this must be for you, but I'm sure when you see that little face your happiness will not be muted! Try not to think about what you and your mom are missing, but remember the special relationship the two of you had and try to re-create that with your little one on the way.

Karen

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Congratulations!! You are right-noone besides you and your wife would love your child more than their Grammy but she is watching from above and has a huge smile on her face. :D

There is nothing in the world like having your first child-the excitement will come-give it time...

Best of Luck to you and your wife.

Dar

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Congratulations, Nick!!! Whoo-hoo! And I know it's used over and over, but yes, bittersweet is the word...

My husband lost his mom right after our wedding - literally the last time we saw her was at the reception. We got back from our honeymoon and were preparing to drive up to to see her, and we got a call from his sister saying she was gone. We didn't even know how bad she was, we had been on our honeymoon and no one wanted to worry us.

A year later I got pregnant, and it was kind of hard on him for the same reasons you are feeling sad. Like you, he was excited but in a subdued way. But I will tell you, when his first son came into this world and was placed in his arms...well, I can close my eyes and picture the look on his face to this day. I can't even put it into words. Becoming a dad, a PARENT...wow. It's like this tiny little thing arrives and within a second you would lay in front of a train for him. He/she will bring you such joy. You will suddenly have that unconditional love again in your life (from your child).

I'm hoping this baby will give YOU hope, hope for the future. And I guess I'm a big old hypocrite, b/c as I tell you this I've already cried twice today over things my adorable baby did that my mom would have gotten such a kick out of. She would have showered him with love. So yes, it will be bittersweet and it's so flippin' unfair that you will never share that with her. But I pray that you will get a small bit of healing from your little one...after all, this baby will be a PART of your mom, will have HER blood flowing in its veins.

Congratulations, I wish you and Keri all the best in the coming months. Please keep us updated!

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Nick,

I just wanted to say congratulations. I know it's not going to be the same without your mom here. My little one is 2 and his "Graddy" is now watching him from Heaven. It saddens me so badly because he will say or do something that I can just picture my daddy responding to. It's hard to think about how much they are both missing out on. On the flip side of that, he is a part of my daddy that (God be willing) will always be with me. He reminds me so much of my daddy. People tell me how much he not only looks like him, but acts like him. I even gave him my daddy's middle name and he has his initials. I know how you feel. Until my daddy got sick I was thinking about possibly having another child, but not now. I'm just thankful for the 2 that I have that are a part of my daddy. I hope you will find comfort in that as well. You are going to be a great daddy and have many wonderful stories about your mom to share with your little one. I did a scrapbook of my daddy's life to give to my kids one day. Just an idea. May God Bless you.

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