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Anyone else depressed right now?


Ann

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I'm not sure if it's just me but I have really come to find that I get very depressed and miss Dennis very much as the fall is approaching each year. Does anyone else find that certain seasons affect them more? I lost Dennis on December 15th and always felt the holiday season would be the roughest time for me but the past few years, it's been this time that's been rough.

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Ann,

I'm sorry you are feeling this way and this time of year brings your loss to the forefront.

I don't have a particular season that I grief more (yet) but there are certain things that remind me or when there are days that are terrible I miss them more and it feels like a fresh loss.

I'm sending lots and lots of prayers. If only we were closer, we could go thru these times together.

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Ann,

I lost my Mom in December years ago, but have found that fall is the terrible time for me. I think it is the fact that all the green is going away and I know that there will be months of gray ahead of me. Something about the starkness of the trees, etc. when the leaves fall depresses me every year, which lends itself to more grief. I try to keep in mind that with spring comes lush new life in my yard and garden and that fills me with happiness. (Then again maybe it is that I have to begin wearing pants, as I'd look pretty stupid wearing shorts in the winter. My goal in life is to wear shorts 365 days a year. :lol: )

I'm sorry and I hope this fall is more gentle for you. You are not alone in your feelings.

Hugs,

Welthy

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As always, thanks for your support, Katie. I know you've been through some tough times lately and my heart breaks for you. I really think that it's just the quiet that bothers me. Normally, this was Dennis' favorite time of year. He was all busy planning every aspect of his annual hunting trip to Colorado, which he took at the first of November. Dennis was always a planner and a stickler for details and a hunting trip was no exception. He even wrote out all of his meal plans, as he usually did the cooking for the entire gang. He so desperately wanted to make that one last trip to Colorado in 2002, but his doctor and I felt it was impossible and both of us came up with plenty of reasons not to go. Dennis was like a little kid, having a comeback answer for every reason we had for him not being able to go. For instance, the doctor told him he worried about him firing a rifle, with all the mets to his spine and the fear of compression. Then, Dennis would compromise by saying he wouldn't shoot...he's just go for the fun of it. Then, the doctor would mention the horesback ride up the mountains and the chance that the horses could have ticks and Dennis couldn't handle the possibility of infection. At this, Dennis finally compromised, looking at me with those big brown eyes, that I could just drive him to Colorado and he'd be happy visiting. Of course, the thought of driving him that far, with him so very sick, scared me to death. Now, I so wish I could go back and help him make his final journey to Colorado, the place he loved so much. You know, I will do that someday...when I spread his ashes.

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Fall...............always my favorite time of year ~ the cool nights, the fresh smell in the air, the football games, the crispness of the days. The ONLY problem seemed to be that I was always going back to school ~ starting with kindergarten up to the day I retired from teaching. That was the only drawback. EXCEPT it was fall when my dad's lymphoma returned and be began his downward spiral. EXCEPT it was fall when I had to return to teaching and my mother had to have some type of in-home care since she was struggling with lc and I was trying to be sole caregiver from 1-1/2 hours away. EXCEPT it was fall when my best friend could not return to teaching for she was dying of ovarian cancer at age 35. EXCEPT, EXCEPT, EXCEPT............

Then fall got better for some years and I finally could retire. But in less than 2 years I was dx with lc ~ yep ~ it was fall.

So this coming season holds many bittersweet memories for me. I am deperessed and hopeful for the future all at the same time. Yesterday and the day before I cried for no apparent reason. Well, maybe there was one. Maybe it's just the older one gets, the more there is to fret over. But I hope this fall will be better than several of those others, so for the first time in some years I anticipate all the gifts it holds in store and I will relish it.

Kasey

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I was doing okay today until I was cleanining off my hard drive at work and found some pictures of my Dad that was taken at the last family reunion during Memorial Day Weekend 2006. He passed away on Memorial Day 2007. What a difference a year makes! I became instantly depressed because I realized that in the fall my dad was diagnosed with this horrible disease and our lives were turned upside down. Sigh :(

Rochelle

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I find that I am dreading October 2nd to March 20th and any day of significance in between is those are the dates of Ger's diagnosis til his passing. I am having a hard time focussing and the loneliness of it all is the worst. But gotta keep plugging away at work and selling my house and building a new one - and keeping the kids happy. I have already gone by Ger's Birthday and our anniversary since he has been gone. And....I hate long weekends. Hope you keep your spirits up this fall. Heather

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Ann you know what fall means to me. Summer and fall were the months that Johnny and I were together. Every afternoon our rides out into the country would take us to places that were so beautiful with the fall colors that they would take my breath away. The problem was at the same time late in the fall Johnny's breath really was being taken away.

Fall has double meaning to me. I look back and rejoice for these months 5 years ago but at the same time I am filled with dread because I know that December 2nd will be here again before I know it and I will be one more year away from Johnny.

I can't really say I am depressed but a little sadness seems to creep into every thing I do, say and think.

I'm hoping you feel better soon. We still have the next few months to get through and then that big number 5 will be here and I have a feeling it is going to be as bad as number 1 was.

Write to me Ann. It has been a long time and I don't forget our connection and still believe that somehow our guys arranged it. Love to you. Lillian

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