missyk Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 All I can say is that I'm really glad that they have antidepressants on the market. This has been a rougher road than expected and I'm still not sure which way is up half the time. I find myself, often now, sitting and *really* missing Mom. We finally got to try bottle-feeding Xavier today. I called all my friends and told them...then sat there feeling empty because I want to tell Mom. I know she knows, I know she sees. But I miss calling her! It's not that I miss her voice...I have a DVD that I can pop in any time I want to remind myself. I miss the physical act of picking up the phone and dialing. And calling my friends doesn't seem to help. As I sat there holding him last night he was smiling those great gas-bubble smiles and I just started laughing and crying at the same time and whispered to him, "Grandma's talking to you, isn't she?" because one of Mom's friends used to tell me, when Sabrina was a baby, that it wasn't gas bubbles...it was Angels whispering to the baby. I hadn't even thought about that again until I saw him smile. I seriously think the nurses in the NICU think I'm a lil off my rocker with all the laughing through the tears that I do in his room...and all the talking, seemingly to myself. I wish I could say that I've had a moment or two when I just *knew* Mom was nearby, but I haven't...I know she's keeping an eye on us...but mostly it's just my faith that Heaven exists and since it exists, Mom *must* be watching. I just miss her so much. I miss having her here with me to face all that's going on. I hate having to be a grown-up without a back-up. And I'm really, really tired of feeling dumped on by fate. (That's my pity-party for the night) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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