Kathleen1 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 I haven't posted much lately but I do try to read your posts....... Anyway, yesterday was the first anniverary of my Mom's leaving us. Very few acknowledged it. I took a vacation day and spent it with my Father doing some fun things together. Neither of my siblings called him......all day. I phoned my brother in the evening and mentioned that he might want to give Dad a call today. There was a long silence followed by "why would I want to call him today?" He didn't even realize that it was the anniversary of her death! I know no one is perfect but how do you NOT remember the first anniversary of the day your only Mother left this world? I am sad that two of my Mother's children could be so cold and disrespectful of her. She was the best person and Mother I have evern known. Every day I wonder how I can be related to my own brother and sister. Sorry but it was a sad sad day and certainly one I couldn't forget if I wanted to. My Father has been heartbroken for the past year - how could they not just simply reach out and give him a call? Neither of them seemed to grieve at all over the loss of her. And my sister at 6 months told me it was time to be over it and move on....... Thanks for letting me rant and rave after so much time. Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail p-m Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 ((((Kate)))) I do understand. You sometimes learn so much about your siblings that you never wanted to know when the stress hits. It does hurt but at least you were there for your Dad. You'll never regret that. gail p-m Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredmom959 Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 I completely understand ... sometimes you wonder how you could've possibly been raised in the same household and yet turned out with such different ways of feeling about your parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Kate, So sorry for the hurt on this first anniversary. Your brother, well, he's a man and they don't always view anniversaries the same way as a woman would. As for your sister? Who knows. I'm glad you are such a comfort to your Dad. God bless you. Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Kate Sorry for your pain, Hugs for you and your father. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted August 31, 2007 Share Posted August 31, 2007 Katie you hit a nerve when you said "thought I had the perfect family" ME TOO and isn't it funny how the loss of a parent can bring out so many true colors of those around you?? Scarey that people you thought you knew so well, heck, you grew up with them, can turn out to be perfect strangers. Kathleen - I am sorry your siblings are so thoughtless - I am sure your Dad was touched deeply that you spent the day with him... Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gail Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I hear your pain, and I imagine the pain was bad, but a couple of thoughts-- MEN DON'T GET IT!!! It worries me sometimes because I have a son I truly don't think they have long term memory and something I remember from a Dr Phil Show A woman was on who had lost a young son tragically. She was in deep pain for a long time, telling Dr Phil she could not get past the day of his death. Dr Phil asked her if her son would want her to remember the one bad day or all of the good days. gail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I don't "get it" first hand, as I was mom's only child. But by reading here, I do get it. No one in my "non-online-life" understands except my wife. Her Mom and Dad and sister are understanding too...which is very nice. But I know the day will come a month from now, and few will call or check in. It'll be OK when some don't call. But I know I will be disappointed when my father doesn't call (and I am pretty sure he won't) as you were with your siblings not calling. We get it here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted September 1, 2007 Share Posted September 1, 2007 I understand for sure. While Johnny was sick and going through chemo and during all of the anxiety problems there was no one there for us. I did everything and after he died I was the one who questioned myself. It took me a long time to get over that but I learned a valuable lesson. Johnny and I weren't married. He had 3 son less that a hundred miles away. One only ten miles. He was so hurt when they never called. Often at night he would sit with the phone in his hand and tears in his eyes waiting for calls that never came. After he died I was all alone is a strange place. I had no one to turn to. I would go to his son's house and they were always glad to see me. Yet they NEVER called! I was hurt by the way they treated me but more so by the way they had neglected Johnny. Instead of being appreciative that I was caring for him they were relieved because I was taking all of the responsiblity for him. After his death I wanted them to suffer guilt but that never happened. Then one day I realized that they really had no idea that they had done anything wrong. Johnny had said over and over that they were different than us. It took me a long time to realize that is what the problem is. They are just different and you can not change them no matter how hard you try. Realizing that took a burdon from me because I was the only one suffering from their indifference by then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 ((((((((((((Kate)))))))))))))) Thinking of you!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Did someone say we could put our siblings on Mars??? I totally understand. Memorial dates are the hardest for MOST of US. I plant flowers on my mom & dad's graves every year other then when I was sick after having open heart surgery. Neither one of my (2)sisters planted a flower at our parents graves, but then again I don't think they ever go to the graves and they both live within a 45 minute distance. I'm sorry your mom's memorial day was so hard for you. Hugs to you and your dear dad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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