wondermom Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 I am sitting here at home while my mom struggles to breath, struggles to sleep, cry, get relief from her pain at the hospital. I can't stop crying. I have never felt so helpless as I did today. She is not getting relief for her pain which is all through her hips and legs. She can't even scoot herself up on the bed. I cannot believe what a fast downhill rollercoaster this has been this week. She hasn't eaten anything in 3 days. I am so angry. How could God let something so aweful happen to my mom...to anyone. I was brought up to pray and hope but today I am just so sad and angry that I don't know what to believe. My mom and dad pray the rosary every day asking that my mom be cured. The thought of it tears me up inside. I just don't know how to handle this anymore. I feel like I am falling apart. My Dad is staying with my mom at the hospital tonight. She wanted him there for comfort. I know my dad wants to be there but it is so hard to watch mom struggle to breath and be so very uncomfortable. I just came home and have been a wreck. I can't imagine how my dad is feeling. I am sure he won't sleep tonight with all the beeping machines and nurses coming in. Mom had another CT scan today and the fluid continues to build. I am sure she will have to have it drained tomorrow but she says she doesn't want them to do it. She had it done upon diagnosis 9 months ago and said it was aweful. I remember she almost past out. I am so scared. Scared of losing my mom. I hate to even say it out loud. Please pray that my mom gets some relief soon. Jill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill~ I am so sorry for what you are all going through. No one should have to endure pain, no one should have to watch someone they love suffer so. I am just sorry -- I hope your mom is comfortable soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Prayers go up and Blessings come down. Tha t has become my mantra. I can very much understand you r fear right now. I walked this path almost 20 months ago. It is very real and very scary. If we were not emotional and scared and angry, we would not be right with the world. Things happen for a reason. everything does, be it good or bad in our eyes. In Gods Eyes it is always good. It is a different picture in our eyes though. THe lord works in mysterious ways you know? we can not always see or understand his plan for us but he will tell us the reason for this plan when he needs us to help carry it out. Sometimes the hospital can be the best place to be to recover. The attention and treatment can work together for relief. it just takes some time for things to work. From another point of view. I hope this helps ease your fear of what is happening. I went through the exact same thing with Deb. Before she passed away though; we had a talk. Not a long one but an in depth one. Basically what she told me was, I am tired of fighting. I will never quit fighting. If I see the light, I am going to it. BUT, I will not turn to look for the light. I think this may give you some comfort like it did for me. To this day I know she was fighting but someone turned the light in her direction. Every time I see the sun shine or feelo the wind blow, I get a great sense of relief. Saayin my prayers outside tonite under a Carolina Star lit sky for you and the whole Family, for some peace and rest and stregth na dComfort. I know this is a little long winded but there may be some comfort in reading this some where. Prayers and Hugs RandyW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 THere is nothing worse than watching someone we love suffer...praying for her to have pain relief very soon. Praying for you all to have peace, comfort and strength during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanwit Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Thanks Randy, I needed your message of Comfort too. Chanwit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Hi Jill, I am very sorry for what you're going through right now. Watching someone you love so dearly suffer is just heartbreaking, I know. And facing the loss of a loved one is overwhelming. And it does test your faith. We prayed for a miracle of healing every single day, as did so many others. We didn't get that particular miracle. But we received other miracles that we would have missed had we only been looking for the one. Trust me, I know your pain and anguish and the horrible out of control feelings. I'm so sorry, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 I am praying for your mother, your father and for you also. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christine Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, my heart is breaking for you. I hope your mom finds comfort soon. Prayers for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill A prayer to St Perigrine St. Peregrine, we come to thee confidently to implore thy aid with God in our necessity. Thou wast converted instantly from a worldly life by the good example of one holy person. Thou wast also cured instantaneously of cancer by God's grace and unceasing prayer. In thy gracious kindness please ask the Lord to heal us also in body, mind, and soul. May we then also imitate thee in doing His work with renewed vigor and strength. Amen. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 I'm so sorry. I hope the hospital is the right place and can do a better job at managing the pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 My heart breaks for your pain and that of your dad and your mom. Sometimes the only prayer we can ask is that God give each of us what we need to get through this day, sometimes just this minute. As Randy said there is a reason for everything but we are human and can not see the big picture. All we see is someone we love suffering and the emptiness that will be there once they are gone. Even those of us who have a lot of Faith sometimes have to go through terrible trials so we can open our hearts and truly ask Christ into our lives. Not just with our voices but from the very depths of our soul.I pray for God to stand by you and that whatever His will is that He will give you the strength to endure and that you will always know that His Grace surrounds you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill-- I just want you to know that I am thinking about you and your mom today. I can imagine how unbelievably scary it all seems right now--and you are being so incredibly strong. Take it one moment at a time. Stay in the present. Your mom is here and she is still fighting. As you know, there are many, many people who are still posting on this board who have had very scary times--and they pull through. I am sending you strength and positive thoughts. Best, Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather_T Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, I am soooo sorry you and your family have to go through this horrible pain. My prayers are with you and your family and I hope she is getting some releif from the pain today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, my prayers are with you, your mom and your family. Love, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raneyf Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 I'm sorry Jill. I hope the hospital had some success making her more comfortable last night. My prayers are with you. Raney Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, I'm so sorry this is happening to your mom. Sending lots of prayers for her comfort. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bev'sSister Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, I hope your Mom is feeling better really soon. She is very fortunate to have such a loving and caring daughter. Praying for your family, Bobby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
janehill Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Oh Jill, my heart really breaks for you - and your mom. I know when my mom was diagnosed with a malignant pleural effusion and it was drained by a large boar needle, she said it was an awful experience and she thought she would pass out - that she had to tell them to stop (and they did). Frankly, I don't think she would ever have agreed to do it again. Just be with your mom and love her - much more is out of our hands. Hugs! Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Jill, I hope your mom gets some relief. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lc46 Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 I'm so sorry this is happening. Wishing your Mom gets the pain under control. Hopefully they will take care of everything and she will be back home soon. Dar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 Hi Jill, I see you did not update yet, but you stopped by the chat tonght to tell us the good news that they tapped your mom. She will be feeling so much better now.l You sounded so relieved. Iam so glad they did that procedure. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joseppie Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 Hi Jill, My heart is with you honey! I understand completely what you're going through! My heart is breaking for you! I went through the same thing. You feel so helpless and want to do everything in the world! Just be there as much as you can! Your mom will know, believe me! Hugs, Joseppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wondermom Posted September 5, 2007 Author Share Posted September 5, 2007 Yes, Maryanne. My mom is feeling better. I forgot to update this post last night. I was so excited and tired I just got on the chat and then I went right to bed. Slept like a baby. To update... Mom had about 3 liters of fluid drained from her lungs over the last two days. Her oxygen is still a bit low but she is much more comfortable. They finally got her pain under control and so that helps too. She was pretty out of it and kind of silly yesterday. It was good to hear her laugh again and giving the nurses a hard time! This morning she called me at 6:30 and told me to call her work (she can't make long distance calls at the hospital) and tell them to print off a report for my dad to bring for her so she can look at it and do what she needs to do with it. She sounded completely with it and like my mom again. I think the pain is much better controlled so she didn't need to keep pushing the pain pump all night because she was actually sleeping! Honestly, I feel like she is pretty miraculous right now. I was so scared on Monday night. After I posted here, my dad called and was really upset because they had to move mom to ICU because her breathing was so bad and they had given her something to make her go to the bathroom all the time. Every time she had to go her O2 would drop drastically. I couldn't leave my dad there so I drove back to the hospital to stay with him. We even called my brother and his wife to come home from their vacation. I am so thankful things have turned around for right now. Mom also started the Alimta yesterday afternoon so hopefully it will start helping and do its thing. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes. It means more than you know. Jill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 That's very good news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 I am so happy to read this. I pray that this is only the beginning of the rebound. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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