A year ago, life changed

[Nick C]

I feel like I've been dreading this day for the last 364.

One year ago today Mom went to the hospital and found that SOMETHING was VERY wrong.

I sat in front of the computer researching for all of 25 minutes, called my wife and told her tonight work could wait.

I still remember Keri's tears. I remember my adenaline pumping. I had to be able to come across something...ANYTHING...so I could help Mom.

In the coming days Mom learned what her diagnosis meant. I already knew, but couldn't be the one who told her.

And so the 30 days begin. With the chill in the air. The leaves staring to turn. The crickets at night. The birds in the morning. The very blue skies this time of year brings. And rememberances of my last days with Mom.

I can't believe I'm here already.

[nyka69]

I can only imagine how sad a day this is for you. My heart goes out to you and your family.

[fillise]

Oh Nick--Please know that we will stand with you as you journey through the next 30 days. Your mom has such a loving son and I know you were as much of a blessing to her as she was to you.

Susan

[Treebywater]

Nick,

Know we're here to lean on during the next 30 days. I know for me the memories were something that tortured me, and yet I held them close (and still do) as I walked through them again that first year.

Praying for gentleness for today and the days to come.

[teriw]

Oh Nick. That gave me chills. Those first days and how quickly time goes thereafter. It's like life is in "before cancer" and "after cancer" categories.

So glad you had such special days with your mom. She must be so proud of you!

Hugs,

[ztweb]

Nick,

Bless your heart. I am so sorry you have so much pain, and that cancer had to ever enter your life. It sucks.

You know...oddly, I thought of you out of the blue today. I was driving to work, thinking about calling mom and dad on my way, as I usually do. My phone was in my purse, in the back of the car, and so I couldn't call. Well, that got me to thinking about LCSC, and I had been thinking about pregnancy earlier, as I dropped my kids off at daycare, and we were talking about babies, and I guess, with the connection of pregnancy, dad with cancer (because I HATE the fact that when you think of dad you also think of cancer), I came to think of you and your wife today.

Please know you are on our minds. Take care of Keri, and know we are here for you...the good times and the bad. God blesses us in different ways, and today, though horrible because of the memory of that dreadful day, someone somwhere said a prayer for you, and you didn't even know. It was me!

Blessings,

Jen

[Sis]

Nick,

I do sympathize with you, as I am now in the same boat. One year ago was the beginning of the steady downward turn for my sis. I'll be thinking of you, and sending prayers. Try to keep smiling. Ellie

[Welthy]

Nick,

You know we are all here for you. I wish no one had to observe these dates. There will come a time, that when you think of your dear Mom, the first thought won't be cancer. Prayers and thoughts for you in the upcoming days.

Welthy

[Connie B]

I know just how you feel. I hope today passes softly for you. After 20 years of my mom being gone, I still get very sad on the memorial dates.

[Kathleen1]

Hi Nick,

I can relate. For the past 371 days I have done nothing but count the days. It was one year ago yesterday that we had Mom's service. Amazing how grief can shrink a 42 year old down to a 3 year old bellering for her Mom. I'm sorry for the pain that you are experiencing and I do understand. I don't know when it gets better. But I do know everyone is here for you. Thinking of you.

k

[sharyn]

Nick,

In all the times I have replied to you - I NEVER realized Mom only lived 30 days after diagnosis - when I read your bio and see that she was basically doing "okay" and went downhill so quickly.. no wonder you are still in such an overwhelming point of grief. I just am so so sorry it all played out so fast - just not enough time. I know these next days will be incredibly hard. You will relive all the events of last year - but, I can promise you this, next year, it won't sting near as much. I will pray for you Nick. Love, Sharon

[RandyW]

I know how sad you are Nick. It will be this way always. Moms are the most wonderful People. But on flip side, How is the Little one doing that you are going to be Daddy to! Hope all is well all things considering..Prayers for everyone.

[Leela]

My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry for your pain. Blessings to you and your family.

[tnmynatt]

Nick,

I'm thinking and praying for you.

[DianeR]

My heart goes out to you and Keri. I know all to well how the memories come crashing in on the anniversary dates.

I understand completely what you meant when you wrote:

"With the chill in the air. The leaves starting to turn. The crickets at night. The birds in the morning. The very blue skies this time of year brings. And rememberances of my last days with Mom"

My dad passed away Sept. 19, 2004, and not only the date brings memories, but also the change of the seasons.

I always think of the song "Wake me up when September Ends".

My thoughts are with you during the upcoming days.

Take Care,

Diane

[Nick C]

Thanks everyone. You really get it. Your support has been HUGE!!!

Randy, we went and listened to "little baby who's" heart beat last night. All is well. No kicking yet...still only the size of a standard rubber ducky.

Again, thanks all.

[Kasey]

Man am I missing posts this week or WHAT!!!! Sorry I am chiming in so late here, Nick . Your journey with your mother was such a short one, I cannot imagine the magnitude of what you are feeling right now. Hope it helps to know that MANY of us are walking through these days with you, Nick. There is really NO right timetable for dealing with this dreadful disease, but you didn't even have time to really catch your breath. I am sorry and I'm sending much cyber support up your way.

Kasey

[recce101]

Nick, over the months I've read your "Mom's timeline" on at least a dozen occasions, and each time I've come away with an even greater appreciation of how special she was. I'm not saying that just to help you through these next few weeks, but because I seriously mean it.

They want me to have a full body CAT scan? Fine, let's make eggplant parm! The CAT and bone scans look bad? Okay, we'll go to the beach and I'll talk parenting with Keri! Radiation? Bring it on, but I can't forget Nick's birthday cake!... Really, I can't read it without hearing Sinatra's classic rendition of "My Way" in the background.

Like Sharon, it hadn't registered on me that it was only 30 days. But what your mom packed into those 30 days was nothing short of amazing. With much Aloha,

Ned

[Mskim]

I remember when you joined. I'm so sorry you have to go through this when you should only be experiencing joy and excitement.

(((Nick & Keri)))

This will be a hard month. You are in my prayers.

[Nick C]

Ned,

Earlier today I read your response and my eyes teared...because you understood exactly what I wrote...you now know Mom.

She gave the Cancer the big F-U. It wasn't stopping her from doing what she wanted when she wanted as long as she was here.

Did I mention she went to work all that time...up until 2 days before she passed. She loved it.

In the days following her leaving we said a lot of "Randy did things on Randy's terms, no one elses." And if you didn't like Mom's decisions, she'd tell you to go poo (but not poo) in your hat . I can still hear her say that.

Anyway..when I wrote that, that's exactly what I wanted to get across. Thanks.

[recce101]

"Nick C" Earlier today I read your response and my eyes teared...

Yep, mine too, again, just now...

...because you understood exactly what I wrote...you now know Mom...

Your words made that possible. Although your mom and I never met, knowing her through you has enriched my life.

Aloha,

Ned

[Maryanne]

Hi Nick,

I missed your post on Wednesday. I know how devoted you were to her. It had to be such a hard day for you and Keri.

I am glad that day is over and I just hope today brings you a better one.

Maryanne

[nyka69]

Been thinking about you Nick. Your mom sounds like the coolest lady. I'm so glad you had her, and sadder that you lost her.

(((HUG)))

[MomsGirl]

Nick, I can't believe it's been a year, I really can't. I echo everyone's sentiments, your mom sounds like an amazing woman.

What can I say, it just sucks. It sucks times a thousand. And more.

Yet..try to remember all the great things you did in that month, all the treasured memories you made. Your mom condensed so much love into such a little amount of time.

Keep enjoying Keri's pregnancy, take joy from that, it's all such a miracle. Three kids and I am still in awe of the miracle of this process, this creation and growth of a little life. Wait 'til you go to that routine 20-week sonogram..WOW. Your heart will just be pounding and it will all seem so REAL. Little arms and legs waving around, the head and the little round belly...

Thinking of you this month...and feeling your pain. Hang in there and know we are here for you.

[J.C.]

Nick,

Those days will be filled with

the souvenirs of that month,

a short and full month,

short for living,

full for all the good souvenirs

you all accumulated each day.

All the dates, are so near together,

from the sickness to the end of her road

including a birthday.

Will be thinking of you and Keri

during those days.

Month of October is a hard month

for me it is the month Mike left

me for the last time.

Keep strong for the new life that

will be a part of your Mom.

Hugs to both

Jackie