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where is that post.....?


KatieB

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You remember the one recently about how an anniversary came and the siblings didn't even know what the day was and let it pass by?

I apologize first and foremost for being tired, I should wait and write this post when I've rested and can reference that other post correctly, but darnit all....

Yesterday was my dad's death day anniversary and NOT ONE sibling acknowledged, mentioned, or even contacted me at all.

Seriously, I am sitting here thinking...did they ever know?? Shoot...did they ever care?????

The past 3 years mom and I spent that day together...so I didn't really pay attention.......

I don't know why it bothers me so much...it just does I guess..

Thanks for letting me vent.

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Katie,

I'm sorry that you're hurt by your siblings. I wonder though if some people consciously choose to not focus on the day of death, but the birthday instead.

I still have my parents, thankfully. Of course I'll always be filled with thoughts of Bill on July 16th and its significance, but I'm wondering if I'll be filled with even more thoughts of him on July 17th (his birthday), or our anniversary, or the kid's birthdays, or my own. (Of course it's a little different, because the birth and death dates are so close.)

And that those of us who are involved in a forum like this are actively and openly talking about our feelings and our losses, while others may not.

I don't know -- but that's one thought I had. Maybe I'm making excuses...

Hugs,

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This should be the one Katie

Posted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 10:36 am Post subject: I bet you will all understand.......

I haven't posted much lately but I do try to read your posts.......

Anyway, yesterday was the first anniverary of my Mom's leaving us.

Very few acknowledged it. I took a vacation day and spent it with my Father doing some fun things together. Neither of my siblings called him......all day. I phoned my brother in the evening and mentioned that he might want to give Dad a call today. There was a long silence followed by "why would I want to call him today?"

He didn't even realize that it was the anniversary of her death! I know no one is perfect but how do you NOT remember the first anniversary of the day your only Mother left this world? I am sad that two of my Mother's children could be so cold and disrespectful of her. She was the best person and Mother I have evern known.

Every day I wonder how I can be related to my own brother and sister.

Sorry but it was a sad sad day and certainly one I couldn't forget if I wanted to. My Father has been heartbroken for the past year - how could they not just simply reach out and give him a call? Neither of them seemed to grieve at all over the loss of her. And my sister at 6 months told me it was time to be over it and move on.......

Thanks for letting me rant and rave after so much time.

Kate

_________________

Mom 84 yrs, found tumor in Uretor 6/2005. removed kidney, gallbladder and tumor in uretor.

Mom diagnosed with NSCLC 8/12/2005

Chemo begins, Taxotere. Tumor shrinks 50%. Stable.

5/23/2006 Mets to the brain. 10 radiation treatments. Oncologist says it will work, it won't be as hard as chemo. He was so wrong. much much worse than chemo.

7/29/2006 I marry the man of my dreams, searched for him all my 40 years. Mom is able to attend the wedding.

8/30/2006 Heaven received a new angel.

My heart is broken. I will miss her everyday of my life.

BIG HUGS AND PRAYERS FROM RANDY W

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Katie,

I have lost my mom, my husband, and my son in my immediate family. I do not remember the dates they passed. I instead choose to celebrate their lives on the anniversary of their birthday. I do this consciously. I do not wish to be sad and mope around recalling all the pain and suffering at their deaths. I much rather remember them alive and well on their birthday. I know this isn't possible for some, but just a suggestion of why your siblings don't recognize the date your dad passed.

God Bless,

Sharon

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Thank you all so much.

Thanks Sharon, I needed to hear the "other" side too. And I think that is so great. I hope that I can move from remembering the "sad" to celebrating the "happy" one of these days too...

Unfortunately, by actions that explain their characters ever since my mom passed away- I don't think that's the case here...

I suppose I just shouldn't let it surprise me or bother me so much.

Thanks everyone

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Nothing SURPRISES me anymore, :roll: but sometimes after you get those surprises, they do bother you. We're only human. But, this to shall pass.

I too try to remember them in LIFE and not in death. I don't always do that, but I've gotten better.

Some days when I'm driving and a song comes on the radio that one of my lost family members liked and it reminds me of them, I look at all the cars around me and think to myself, "Where are all you people going? Don't you know that this is my mom,dad,son's,etc., etc., favorite song and they are no longer here with me?" Sounds silly, but that's happened to me more times that I can count.

My sisters never remembered our parents memorial date either. Why? Who knows! I just know I remember it and I always well. I'll do all I can to keep my lost family members memory alive by talking about them and sharing them with others so they won't be forgotten. :wink:

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