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Over a week later


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It has been just over a week that my mom passed. I have started a fund for her through the LUNGevity Foundation. I think she would be happy about that. I still feel kind of numb. Like I am in a zone or something. I haven't cried much and I don't know why. Maybe it was because of the way mom suffered at the end. I know she is in a better place. I also think I just plain haven't had time. It seems that we have been going non-stop. Planning the funeral, writing thank you's and visiting with family. Today it is back to normal...or a new normal. I miss e-mailing my mom at work and asking her how her day is going. I miss filling her in on all the happenings with my kids. My kids have been great through this. They are 4 and 2. As soon as it gets dark outside and the stars come out, my kids start talking to Grandma. I told them she is with the angels and to look for the brightest star and that is where Grandma is. My son even suggested he could put on a pair of wings to fly up and visit her! My Dad went back to work today. Hopefully, that will be good for him. I know he works with a lot of good people who will be there for him too. It is just so strange to think that mom is gone. I honestly don't think it has even begun to sink in yet.

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As Nick said, I remember so much of this too. I posted here soon after I lost my mom, and said I was numb and I wasn't really crying. You go on autopilot. It's kind of a blessing, I realize now. I think that I just couldn't let that part of mind and heart out of the little cage I had locked it in.

I know how much you miss her right now, the immediacy of your loss, the loss to your kids. Just the every day-ness of her being in this world.

Let your kids comfort you, they will say the wisest things for such little people. They have no "filters" and they are so innocent still, so they say what's in their hearts and heads. Sometimes it may be a little blunt and painful, but mostly it will bring you some comfort, albeit tinged with some tears.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I can only say that we are here and we know what you are going through...

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