DARN Hospice Nurse - GGGRRRRR!!!!!

[VegasMomOf3]

Dad just called me with this lovely news. The hospice nurse came for a visit today and completely un-did everything we've been working towards with my Mom's mindset about her illness. My Mom asked the nurse why she was getting additional pain - so what did this @?$*&>% nurse tell her?? It's because she is getting worse and that she will only make it a few more months. AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My Dad has spent an enormous amount of time researching homeopathic treatment of cancer, has ordered many items & just a few days ago finally had my Mom in the mental place that yes, we could fight this damn thing and that she would do whatever he found to be the best. She put 110% of her trust in him regarding the naturopathic treatment of her cancer. Once the nurse left, my Mom told Dad what she had said. Needless to say, he's very upset but didn't show that to Mom. He told me that he just shrugged off what the nurse said and told Mom that the nurse is coming from the "modern medicine & big pharma" way of thinking and has absolutely no experience with naturopathic treatment, therefore her explanation was a "canned" response.

The mind is such a very important factor in this fight!! Mom's attitude was in "fight mode" for the 1st time since her diagnosis - now that has slipped. Damn, damn, damn!!! Oh please insert this womans neck between my hands so I can "squeeze the charmin"!!!!!!!

Dad is going to speak to the nurse when she comes back on Wednesday - if I don't get to her first. AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!! Oh I thank the Lord for this site so I can get my frustrations out on the keyboard.

Be Blessed,

Donna

[shineladysue]

Oh Donna,

That nurse has no right to be playing God and it seems something is totally lacking in her training. I would not allow her back and would demand that she is replaced with someone who has sense. I'm so sorry this happened to your mom. You have every right to be upset. Take care and God bless.

Sue

[RandyW]

I would seriously consider a formal complaint about that. When does a nurse become god or an Oncologist that has never seen any info about Moms condition.

You may want to peruse this site and see if there is anyhting in here that may help you out in this case;

http://www.nhpco.org/templates/1/homepage.cfm

There is a directory section in here also..

[nyka69]

Over the last week I have tried to carefully guide family and medical personal about how to relay info to my husband so as not to upset him. But I had one doc try to outright fight with me about it in my husband's presence. I quickly threw him out.

That said, I totally understand how you're feeling. At this time, maybe more than any other part of the journey, it is so important to provide not just physical but emotional comfort to those we love. I'm appalled but not surprised that that witch was able to undo so much of what you and your dad were trying to accomplish. I think your dad's response was great.

So sorry you're all going through this.

[vespa68]

What a fruit loop... and not the good kind. I am so sorry this happend to you. The mind has so much power over the body and your mamma needs to be in a good place mentally. All is not not lost though, just don't let witchy woman back in the house. Sadly, I have been coming in contact with people in the medical profession with this attitude. Afterall it's not their loved one who is suffering. I would think their attitude would be differnt if it were. Just quietly envision "insert neck here and squeeze"

[recce101]

Donna, the comment of that "nurse" was beyond the pale, but your dad handled the situation well. He sounds like a really sharp guy -- I hope he can minimize the damage to your mom's frame of mind.

Best wishes and Aloha,

Ned

[J.C.]

Donna,

The nurse should be told that her

work is for the body, the mind

will be taken care by family members.

During the six days Mike was in bed

we had the best team of nurses but

a negative doctor, Mike gave me a

sign and in front of everybody I told

the doctor to ''GET OUT''.

Later that doctor was discharged from

duties with cancer patients.

It is very important at all stages to

have people that can judge the mood of

a patient and if the mood is fighting

go that way, if negative to try to turn

it around with encouraging news and ideas.

A conversation with her is needed and may

go as far as a report about her ways.

Your dad sound like a very caring and able

avocate for your mother he may work magic

to put her mind at rest again.

Hugs

Jackie

[michellem]

That is so awful, Im so sorry, because I know what you are going through. My mum is in the same position, we have a hospice nurse come out to my mum who is in alot of pain and the pain is getting worse. But we have told mum its going to be fine and we are looking into lots of alternative treatment and she is determined to fight. I would be horrified if a nurse said those awful things to my mum. They are supposed to be trained to speak to these people with tact.

I hope your mum will be ok and she has alot of hope. My sisters and I as determined to fight this for my mum and make her better even though doctors may say otherwise.

Take care and good luck

[fillise]

I'm not goint to defend this nurse, she was insensitive and, at a minimum, overly blunt. But, having said that, I think it is important to remember that hospice exists to support a patient and family during the final stage of a terminal illness. I think it is so much a fact of life for hospice workers that they forget that a patient or a family is not as accepting of this particular fact of life as they are. I know, around here, when you call hospice they make sure that you are not actively seeking curative treatment (you can leave hospice to do that at any time, and you can always seek medical treatment to relieve pain and suffering).

I guess all of this is my way of asking if your mom and dad are truly ready for hospice?

[Don M]

What a stupid thing to say.... I think your dad did effective damage control.

Don M

[VegasMomOf3]

Hi there!!

First off I want to apologize for getting so upset yesterday - I really can't remember the last time I was that angry!! You are all so AWESOME!!

I spoke with my Mom last night - didn't let her know that I was aware of what the hospice nurse had said. I let Mom lead the conversation. Asked her how her day was.....she mentioned that the nurse had come by and how much she likes her. She then mentioned a cream that Dad had bought online that he rubs on her back - she says it really works on her pain AND it only costs $13, which is amazingly low compared to the price of some of the other products my Dad has purchased. That's when I jumped in and told her that there are things out there to treat her naturally AND hopefully cure her cancer and that Dad has put so much time and research into this that personally I'm with him 150% on what he thinks is best. She then agreed BUT didn't seem as positive about it. Dad's response to the whole thing did wonders but we are still going to have to make up for what the nurse said yesterday. My Dad and I would love to get a different nurse - but Mom likes her personality and having her around. Yikes!!

Fillise - good question. As I'm sure you know, many people get better and come off of hospice......that is our goal with Mom. Hospice is providing Dad with the "medical" support he needs in order to better focus his efforts on the naturopathic treatment of mom. It's working for the time being.....now if we can just tape the nurse's mouth shut!! LOL!!

Jackie - I loved your comment about the nurse caring for the body, the mind is for the family to care for!!! Perfect example!!

Randy, thanks so much for the web address - I'm going to look at it as soon as I'm done here.

And DARNIT - this nurse IS NOT God. She can't determine a damn thing!!!

Be Blessed,

Donna

[Nova]

I have to echo the thought of getting a different nurse, but if your Mom likes her, I guess you could give her another chance.(maybe you could talk with her before her next visit though....?)

When I was going to school to be a CNA/Home Health Aide, we shadowed Hospice nurse's for a few days as part of our training. I knew right away that it wasn't for me, because I tend to be overly compassionate ~ (if a person can be that!?) If my patient was crying, I'd be just as likely to start crying with them! (Some "support" I would have been!! )

Anyway, there are all sort's of nurse's with personalities that would match up better with what you and your dad would like, so ditch the first one, (if she doesn't straighten up), and ask for another.

I'm saying a prayer for you guys .

Nova