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Today it has been 5 years sense the last special day Johnny and I had together. That day was so perfect.

We started out to go to the beach where his old trailor was so he could pay the rent. He had me take a side trip up to Lake Quinalt. I remember me worrying and wondering if it would be a rough drive and him reassuring me that it wouldn't be. A couple of times he waited almost too late to tell me where to turn and I turned a little sharp. He fussed at me and I fussed back telling him to not wait so long to tell me. We acted like an old married couple.

There was a light rain falling that day so we couldn't see the mountains around the lake. We visited the lodge for coffee and dessert and shared our desserts with one another. He had me get a brosure so we could make reservations and spend a few romantic days there when we had more time. He had chemo the next day so we couldn't stay.

We finally did go out to the beach and visit with some of his friends there then stopped in Aberdeen to have something to eat. By the time we finished eating it was dark and the moon was full. He had me park in the parking lot and we sat there looking at the moon and holding hands. He said it was so romantic and we had never had a chance to do that before.

That day was so beautiful and if only time could have stood still and the next day never happened :!:

He was so well that day, so strong he never even used the oxygen all day. The next day at chemo is when the nurse told him that it didn't matter how well he was doing, that he would be on chemo the rest of his life. That day the beautiful dream of the day before ended and our nightmare began.

It has been 5 years. I'm doing so much better but I will never forget. I know there is a reason and I try to accept that but I will never forget the harm done to us by that remark and the things that followd. I know that I should forgive and I have tried but it is just so hard. I hope that God understands and forgives me.

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