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Dad's CEA markers shot up from 74 to 123 in a week. Yesterday his home health nurse said we should all start preparing ourselves. Last night he was agitated and in a lot of pain, despite increasing the dose on his morphine drip and pushing the button as often as we were allowed. Then he fell down while walking to his bed and was in so much pain we couldn't move him - he and Mom slept on the floor and the Fire Department very kindly came this morning to move him back into bed.

They're now saying it will be a matter of days, if not hours. We are discontinuing his TPN after today, as well as the Tarceva and Avastin, and making a rapid transition to hospice.

This is happening way too fast. I alternate between feeling completely numb and completely out of control. Mostly I just can't fathom the thought of waking up without him here.

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Thank you all for your kind words. This community has been so much help to all of us, including my dad, as we have gone through this (too short) journey.

Daddy is still with us but has slipped into a coma. We have been keeping vigil since last night and have all been able to steal moments with him alone and together. I finally let it all out earlier tonight, which felt really good, but now I can't seem to make the tears stop. I've tried to be the knowledgeable big sister/"nurse in training" but finally I just let myself be the grieving daughter.

There are so many things I love about my Dad that I'm overwhelmed to list them all. But here are a few just to give y'all an idea of how blessed we have been to have this amazing man as our father:

-His love for spontaneously dancing, whether it's the swing or the twist

-His communication skills - he always knows what to say and when to just give a big "Daddy hug"

-The traditions he created and carried on from his own childhood - every year we have "birthday strings" scavenger hunts.

-His strength as our "rock" in the midst of a lot of family trials over the past 30 years

-His utter devotion to Mom, his soul mate, to the point of being a romantic sap we all teased but secretly wished our spouses would be like someday

I could go on. A lot of people are referring to him in the past tense but I refuse to go there yet. He's still here...really he always will be....

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I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I know how hard it is to watch your Daddy go threw this...

You have such wonderful, precious memories that will carry you through the rest of your life and wonderful traditions that Daddy started and you can continue with your family.

Please remember what you posted at the end of your last note.... "he will always be here"... because he will... he will forever be watching over you and I am sure without a doubt he is so very proud of you and how you have cared and helped him through this journey. I am asking God to take him gently into his arms and keep him safe. God Bless You. Love, Sharon

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I am so sorry. Your post touched me. I just went through this with my mom earlier this month. It is so very hard to watch the one you love, the one who has always been so strong, slip away. It is hard to believe. So hard to even envision life without them. I understand and I wish I could say something to make it easier. We were lucky in that we were all able to be with mom in the hospital. We all slept in the room with her. We talked with her even though she wasn't awake. We believe she could hear us. I believe she hears us still. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.


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Such beautiful words....what an amazing man your dad is, and what an enduring legacy he will leave.

Our hospice nurse encouraged us NOT to leave the room to let Mom 'rest' when she appeared unconscious, but to bring all the story-telling, visiting, etc. into the room with her. I'm glad we did that.

I am praying for peace and strength for you and your family. We're here for you.


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Your post made me cry sweetness. I never knew my dad. You are sooooo blessed to have such a wonderful man around. It makes it hard for the fellas that come around though because they will never measure up to daddy and in daddy's eyes no one will be good enough for their baby girls. I am sending you lots of love to you and your family. Big hugs and prayers.

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