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WORKING WHILE CAREGIVING


Marci

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HI ALL,

I AM AND WILL BE THE CAREGIVER TO MY MOM FOR MOST OF THE TIME. MY GRANDMOTHER ALSO (HER MOTHER) WHO IS GETTING UP THERE IN AGE WILL ALSO BE HELPING ME WITH GETTING HER BACK AND FORTH TO CHEMO AND SUCH. I FEEL AWFUL HAVING MY GRAMS DO THIS BUT I AM ALSO WORKING AT A NEW JOB. I KNOW MY STATE HAS FAMILY MEDICAL LEAVE BUT I WON'T BE ELIGIBLE UNTIL I HAVE COMPLETED A YEAR AND THAT WON'T BE FOR ANOTHER 6 MONTHS. ANY ADVICE OR SIMILAR GUILT FOR OTHERS THAT THEY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO WORK AND BALANCE THIS STUFF OUT!

MARCI

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Hello Marci,

I was caregiver to my husband

the only one till his last week

when I had full time nurses.

I was seventy-four years old when

Mike found out he had lc, each

day for eight months I drove him

daily (five days a week) for his

treatments a ride of 200 miles.

We moved two months after the

treatments were finished, we did

not have time to sell a house and

travel each day, his health came

first the moving was second.

Your grandmother may be in good

health and able to do it, she is her

DAUGHTER even if she is also your

mother.

You could also try to find somebody

that live in the same town as your mother

and grandmother, a service that could

help her out, care and transport.

Don't put more guilt on your mother

talking about your job that you may

lose if you take time out.

Do the best you can and try the best

you can to find some help near her.

Jackie

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It will work out. Just takes some time and adjustment. Here is a Link that may be of some assistance for you in getting all this organized. Click to be redirected to the site.

http://www.lotsahelpinghands.com/

Also a free site and service..

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HEY JACKIE-

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE. I WOULD NEVER MAKE MY MOM FEEL GUILTY AT ALL! I AM THE ONE WHO FEELS THE GUILT DUE TO THE FACT THAT WORK IS THE LAST PLACE I WANT TO BE EVER NOW AND UNFORTUNATELY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK IN ORDER TO KEEP THE ROOF OVER OUR HEADS AND ALSO GET MY MOM TO ALL THE DR'S APPTS AND STUFF. I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO GIVE UP THIS JOB AND STAY W/MY MOM EVERYDAY TO MAKE SURE SHE IS OK BUT ITS JUST NOT MY REALITY. I AM JUST CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO.EVERY MORNING I LEAVE THE HOUSE MY HEART TUGS AND I JUST FEEL AWFUL GOING TO WORK. I AM PRAYING TO GOD TO ASSIST ME WITH THIS.

MARCI

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Marci,

I worked while taking care of Mom who lived 45 minutes from my job.

I told my boss when Mom was diagnosed that I have to be there whenever she needs me, and I'll certainly go the extra mile to make up any work that needs to get done earlier or later in the day.

It was never a guilt thing, as I knew, when all was said and done, a job is just a job, and anyone in your shoes would be perfectly understanding that Mom comes first.

So let go of that guilt...your employer will understand unless they aren't human...and if they aren't...well, this is a clean board.

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Marci,

You don't have to say the words

to make your mother feel guilty,

lc patients or any patient already

feel bad having to depend on others

and your mom by herself would find

a way of thinking ''If only I had

not got lc''

Better keep the roof on all of you,

that is your share to do and a big

one.

If your mother gets radiation you

may be able to schedule the treatments

in the evenings......you will see

and learn day by day.

I had to wear very soft shoes not

to step on Mike's toes, he never

drove a car, just big machinery,

so he could not drive himself

and I heard a few times,

''It is such a nice day and you have

to drive me''

I just wanted you to feel at ease,

we are here to help you if we can

by what we learned taking care of

a loved one.

Hugs to all

Jackie

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Marci, I know what you mean about feeling guilty leaving your Mom. I feel the same way every day. And we are really short at work and they need extra help...I feel kinda guilty about not helping out there but then I think they are stupid for asking me. I just keep telling them no--I have something important to do at home. They haven't been totally supportive either. I've learned not everyone means it when they say to let them know if they can do anything. I just makes them feel good. And I also learned that I can't vent THERE but I can HERE!

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Please dont feel any guilt about being a caregiver and working!!! I am a patient and would hate anyone who is my caregiver to feel like that. I am lucky that my partner, my son and my sister all help out and my dad constantly offers and my step mother recently stopped working and she has offered as well. But I would hate to think any of them would feel guilt about still working - taking care of yourself and your family is just as important, otherwise you cant take care of your mom. Remember to take care of yourself - do whatever you can to give yourself a break and keep up your energy. GL

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Marci:

You are very fortunate to have others to help ease this burden. They are there for your Mom and you are there for your Mom. Together you all make up a team of caretakers. Consider this: if you were to quit the job to take care of her, how would that make your Mom feel? Not too good I'd bet, so you don't want to lay that on her. Do whatever you have to do to keep body and soul together and toss the guilt.

wendyr

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Lots of good advice here already.

I was in school full time and later worked full time downtown during my dad's dx., and I was his medical advocate and caregiver. Rick and I also started this support website as well- everything all at the same time!!

My mom was there. But she did not read English or understand doctors well, so I was completely in charge of all his medical appointments and all his medications. He never drove after he was dx., because of the medication- so I drove them everywhere too.

I explained everything to my professors and later to my employer. I took off a few times a month for appointments or treatment days. I spent early mornings there and afternoons/late nights there and every weekend, managing the treatments, medications, appointments and arranging outtings and visits, etc.

I was so lucky to have a husband who took care of things at my home and with my son, so that I could devote all my free time to caring for my dad.

It was SO hard...the physical and emotional of a loved one having cancer, having to juggle everything in the air, wondering and worrying all the time.

I can't tell you how I did it because I think of everything I did back then and I can't even believe I did it all---and I'm still here to tell you about it...

There is an inner strength fuelled by love that lives within all of us....and it emerges in times of crisis and emotional turmoil...and THAT is what will get you thru. Love is how you do it.

Be gentle on yourself. take it as is comes, do what you can, lay the guilt to rest, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

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Thanks to all of you and thank you to KatieB and husband who created this wonderful place to come and find help and advice. I have to take this day by day - minute by minute I am learning. I will tell you though something miraculous happened last night after I posted yesterday about worrying about work and getting mom to treatment I prayed last night for God to send me his helpers and he did this a.m. - I got another volunteer who lives up the street from us to help drive mom. Grateful for the little things now.

Many Blessings-

Marci

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