Jump to content



Recommended Posts

Isn't it funny how holidays and special dates become "markers" for those of us that have lost a loved one? Yesterday was my BD...first one without Dennis. What a strange feeling! Today, Halloween, was a fun day we enjoyed. Dennis always loved seeing the cute little guys all dressd up. The first part of November was the beginning of elk hunting season in Colorado and Dennis so looked forward to that each year. Last year, just about this time marked the "beginning of the end." It was this time that I knew things were not going to be any better and that the downhill spiral had begun. I remember on Thanksgiving (his favorite meal) he was only able to eat two bites of dinner. Even after only two bites, he still complimented his Mom on her great dinner. I'm so sorry to go on with this. I just feel you all understand. Praying for all of us......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Happy Belated Birthday Ann. I understand what you mean. I keep telling myself NOT to think about any of these days being different but you can't help it. On the first day of deer season this year I sat in "Hugh's" room that my youngest son built after he died as his tribute to his father. It was a true labor of love that helped Jeremy deal with his father's death a little. It houses all of his hunting stuff, his favorite chair, his ashes, among other things. I sat in there thinking how much Hugh would have enjoyed the room and how that morning I would have been up at 4:00 a.m. cooking a huge breakfast for the kids and him. On Halloween I went through the motions and thought it was really odd that I only had one trick or treater. I think constantly about the special days coming up - my birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hugh's birthday and pray that I can get through them. Last year was also for me the beginning of the end as you put it. We had just found out Hugh was ill and one of my relatives callously pointed out during dinner that Hugh might not be around "next year". I can't imagine that I will ever be able to enjoy or look forward to holidays again. Family is beginning to ask me if I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner as I always have done and I have no answers for them. Part of me WANTS to do it as usual because it was a holiday the Hugh and I always looked forward to, another part of me wonders if I will be able to get through it if I say I will do it. The holidays will be bad this year, but I think about my first trip to "our" grocery store after Hugh's death and don't think they will be much worse than that. I barely was able to get out before I became hysterical and I haven't been back since. I changed grocery stores.

This whole thing stinks doesn't it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can relate to almost every word of your post, Candy. Dennis would have been high up in the Colorado mountains right now elk hunting. You know...Dennis died in December and in September he was pleading with his oncologist to let him go to Colorado. Together, the oncologist and I thought of about 100 different reasons and fired them back to Dennis. You have no idea now, looking back, how badly I wish I would have just let him go. If he had died there he would have been doing something he really loved. He never was able to hunt after his diagnosis. He was able to go fishing once. I have been through one Christmas without Dennis. He died on the 15th. Last year, we did nothing for Christmas...no tree..no lights...no gifts. None of us could muster up the heart to do anything, knowing his death was so near. I am going to try and make this year very special both for me and the children. Dennis loved the holidays, as you said Hugh did. I think we should do it up really big in their honor. You know Candy....although you and I haven't had cancer....we are the survivors here!!!! Chins up, my friend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Reading both your thoughts, as well as Candy's, makes me think of all my mother-in-law has been dealing with. Besides Thanksgiving and Christmas coming, their anniversary was Oct. 24 and my father-in-law would've been 57 next Sunday. We are going out to dinner in his honor on Saturday night using a certificate he had received from his job but was never able to use. All the kids and grandkids are coming to honor him, but it still just seems so strange that he isn't here. My MIL says that the hospice care worker suggested to change her routine some as an extra way to help get through these tougher holiday months. So, she changed her church time to Saturday, but changing stores is another way to do it.

I will keep you both in my prayers. May God surround you both with helpful and loving friends and family when needed, and moments of peace and solitude as well as you continue on this journey of survival.

~Karen M.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ann and Candy,

I think regarding holidays (we have a couple "firsts" coming this year), any part of the celebrating that brings happy memories or are shared by the extended family will be a GOOD thing for you to do....the special moments that just you and Dennis or Hugh used to do that are really going to hurt may need to be changed to something you (either you alone or both of you) would have liked to do but never got around to it...be it volunteering in a soup kitchen, wrapping toys for tots, whatever...just something to LET you feel good.

Thanksgiving may not be "the norm" this year...let one of the kids host, or change the shopping routine and take grandkids for food suggestions...some fun to trick the mind into going through the motions and not focusing on the loss.

I understand the wound is raw and life will never be the same. I wonder how my spouse would deal with me being gone and try to stress to him that his life needs to go on. (Heck no, I'm not telling him to hit the bars and never sleep alone again....I'd haunt his butt for that!)

Take time to yourself to feel the warmth of their presence - it's the only gift they can give now. ...and sleep - they'll come to you in your dreams.

I wish you peace,


aka Snowflake

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.