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Mom Is Back In The Hospital


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Mom was in the hopital two weeks ago with a collasped lung and pneumonia. She was addmitted this past sunday for the same thing. She was eating better and started to look better. She is very weak and has a very hard time walking due to the neuropothy. She has a PT. that came in and walked her for a bit with a walker, but that really tired her out.

while in the hopital Doctors are telling her:

1 She is terminal

2) She is dying quickly

3) Her Cancer is too far progressed for an operation

4) Her Cancer is not curable

5) She needs to think about Hospice

6) There is no hope

7) All they can do and try and help with the symptoms

She is going for a broncoscopy (sp)today. They did one last time and said she had about 70% of her lung capasity. Now they think the tumors are growing. Before that said that they were shrinking.

She is no longer on Taxol. Now they have her on Carbo/Taxotere. She goes back in two weeks for her 5th round of Chemo.

She has gained 10 pounds, but her Doctor said it is because of all of the fluid from the IV.

Her postsaism is always low eventhough she takes pills.

She drinks water, but when she is in the hopital they say she is dehydrated.

She also drinks a good amout of orange soda.

I don't know what to think anymore. I'm not sure if I am caring for her properly. It is just me and my husband. I am with her around the clock. I can't belive that someone who just three months ago was so healthy is now so sick. I can't do anything for a collasped lung except bring her to the E.R. Now they think the tumores are growing! Ugh! I hate this!

I have met people who have survived stage 4 lung cancer.They are in my support group. I have seen them. They are real, and yet my mothers Doctors refuse to belive that they do exsist. They think my mom is too far gone to be saved. One Doctor told me only to talk to those who are familar with my mom's case because other people are giving me "false hope." I don't know what to think. That is why I come here to ask the real experts. The ones who deal with this on a personal level and have first hand knowledge of what I am going though.

Ok. my fingers are tired now from typing. Thank you for your time.

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Hi Vespa,

Sounds like the doctors don't want to be bothered trying to give your mother some quality time by managing her disease.

One CAN live with cancer, even if everyone can't be cured.

I find that attitude is contagious. I think those doctors' attitudes are toxic and will likely kill your mother faster than cancer.

I would look for a second opinion or a third, even, until you find a doctor that is willing to try as hard as your mother wants him/her to try.

I had excellent doctors who said, I think I can help instead of oh, well, no sense trying even if you do want to be aggressively treated.

I suspect others will chime in with a similar message.

Attitude is EVERYTHING!

Good luck,



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I'm sorry you're all being treated like that.

I know it's hard to switch doctors "mid-stream", but if it's possible, I would consider it.

Sounds like your mom ended up with a real dud.

He sounds as if he's a "statistical doctor", and I don't like that type. They never really treat the patient as an individual.....just a statistic.

Like you said, you've met people that have the same disease/same stage as your mom, and they're surviving.

Sorry you're having to go thru this.

Take care,


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Hi Vespa: you're doing fine and the care you're giving Mom is good. You are second guessing yourself because the problem is not with you, it's the doc. You're just not getting enough support from him. If possible, please investigate the possibility of getting a second opinion, preferably at a major cancer center. The folks on this board are firm believers in second and even third opinions, so go with your gut and do what you think is best for Mom. The first oncologist we met with had the same attitude as your doc and we opted for a second opinion at a major cancer center. I've never regretted the decision to switch my hubby's care. Good Luck & God Bless


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I agree with everyone else.... If possible change Dr's. The difference is everything. My grandfather is 78 & the first set of Dr's at the VA said he was too old to do treatment. We have the best Drs now & they have done chemo & radiation when the first set said he would never make it after round one of chemo. 7 wks later & 35 radations we made it!!!! just keep looking. You are doing a great job taking care of your mom. as caregivers we second guess our selves but its not you. ITS BAD ATTITUDES. My cousin is a Dr & she says they are the coldest people in the world & they learn not to think of peoples feelings.

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I just want to say that it sounds like you are doing a great job. Just don't be afraid to ask questions. If the doctors don't satisfy you with answers that make sense to you , then consider changing. Remember , they are working for you and part of their job is to make sure you understand the treatment and you are satisfied with the answers.

God Bless,


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I was at the hospital late last night. My husband and I were there until they kicked us out. There is another Doctor my mom has been seeing. He is very young and pretty optimistic. Today she is having a stint put in because her tumors are growing rapidly and and are on top of her lungs making it difficult to breath. Monday they are "more than likely" going to try radiation.

It was so heartbreaking seeing her so miserable. She had been much better the day before. Yesterday all she could say is that she wanted to die and it is her time to go and I need to let go. I am selfish I must admit. I want to spend as much time with her as possible. She is the only family I have left. She has other children who are a lot older than me, but they all have their own lives and can't be botherd.

She is so weak and so fragile looking. I would like to think that I am taking good care of her, but I'm not so sure. I don't understand why she is still wearing Depends. She does know when it is time to go to the bathroom and does make it, but when she is sleeping she doesn't know she has gone. Her Doctors do not know why this came on o suddenly. The fact that it is not consistant gives them reason not to be alarmed. Her Doc asked me if this happend all of the time and I said no that she does feel like she has to go and gets there before an accident.

She is at UC Davis which is a teaching hospital. She has teams of Doctors that come in and stare at her and ask a bunch of questions. Some are very professioanl, but others have said what I have posted at the top. You are dying and you are dying quickly. The mind is very powerful and it has control of the body. I had her believing that she was going to beat this then these people come in and undue my work. She has met people who have survived stage 4. She can't go to the support group because it is at that time where she can't be around crowds, so they come to her while she is getting chemo.

All of the issues that she has are very alarming. From her lung collasping about once a week to pnemonia, losing control of bodily functions and weight loss. She is now 128 pounds, but they say that is from the fluids and not from food.

If the stint and radiation does not work I will have no choice but to take her to another hospital. From all of the help on this board the main thing I have learned is get 2nd opinions or 3rds or maybe 4ths and 5ths. Something has to work.

I thank you all for taking time out to respond. It makes me feel like I am so not alone in the nightmare. Big hugs and prayers going out to each of you kind people.

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I just wanted to add that I didn't really like the treatment that my Dad got at a major teaching hospital when he was sick.(not lung cancer...but he was on a ventilator and very sick) It was very inpersonal compared with our local hospital. And since I knew what was going on with him and he had been sent up there for a neurological assessment only, I had a bit of an attitude. Remember that not all of those folks that show up in your Mom's room are actually DOCTORS. Most are students with that glint of excitement in their eye and they want to DO something---like a procedure. I began asking just who I was talking to---like what year of med school etc.

I am sure that you are doing a great job taking care of your Mom. We do the best that we know how to do and when we know better, we do better. Her condition is from this terrible disease--not your care! Stupid Cancer!

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