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teriw

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Do many of you have dreams with your loved ones? In your dreams, do you know they're gone?

I've had many dreams with Bill, but he always looks like his healthy self. In fact, I almost have to look at a picture to see him looking ill as he did in the final weeks. Most of the dreams don't appear to have any meaning -- he's just there as normal. But some are different. In one of the first dreams I had after he was gone, he said, "I don't want to die, you know," as if we had argued about him leaving. In one while I was on my trip I was physically holding him tightly -- I could feel it as real as anything. As the dream ended, I kept saying, "don't go away, don't go away..." When I woke up I could feel the void of him not being there so deeply. The most recent I was openly crying harder than ever "about" him being gone, yet he was the one I was crying to. But never in my dreams have I known he was already gone. It's weird to explain. It mirrors my deepest feelings. Intellectually I know he's gone, but spiritually and emotionally I convince myself he's coming back.

I just wondered about any other experiences anyone might like to share.

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Hi Teri

I have had a lot of dreams of my mother since her passing in jan 2007. One i remember being angry at her and in another i found her legs in my dressor drawers (i know, sounds gruesome). In anther one;she was crying so hard because she felt unloved. I just wish i could have a peaceful dream or a visit from her in a dream;these dreams, i know, reflect my inner torment and guilt. When my grandmother passed, i had a very vivid and peaceful dream of her. Sarah

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Hi Teri,

I had a dream last night. My first since mom died that was about her. It was odd. My mom was baking my favorite cookies. I never got the recipe from her and I was sad that I didn't have it but she was standing there making them. She looked healthy. Like I remember her before she got sick. It was bittersweet because in my dream I remember thinking this will be the last time she makes these cookies for me but she looked healthy. So wierd.

Sarah,

I too wish Mom would come to me in a dream and tell me she is well and happy. I am still waiting for that one! I pray every night that she goes to my Dad in a dream and gives him some peace of mind that she is okay and that we will all be okay.

Jill

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I remember one of the very first dreams I had after Deb passed where the Oncologist said "Mrs. wallin, You do not have any more Lung Cancer and are completely cured. It has been nice to Know you and I will never see you again I hope!!!!" Honest to goodness. Haven't really had any since then though Huh?!?!?!?!?!?

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Terri,

After my Bill died, I wanted so desperately to go to sleep at night and dream about him. Every night I would pray to God and talk to Bill, begging him to come to me in my dreams because I felt so sure that it would give me comfort and make me feel like I was with him again. About six months after he died I was at my very lowest point in healing and finally had my dream. In my dream we were on a roller coaster and the hills gradually got steeper. The first hill we crested and looked down and we were headed into water. As we hit the water I took a deep breath and we surfaced and began to climb the next hill. Each time we would begin our decline I saw water and after a few times it occurred to me that the higher on the roller coaster we went, the longer we would be under water before surfacing again. Make sense? Okay, so we are on this coaster, Bill and I, and as we climb the final hill we are just going higher and higher and I begin to cry that I won't be able to hold my breath long enough to survive and surface and I am looking at Bill and crying that I am afraid and just as we are about to hit the water he reaches over and unbuckles my harness and tells me that I can't go with him anymore and as he goes under, I stay afloat on the surface and look around me and I'm just in the middle of this big empty ocean, all alone. After that, I quit praying for a dream about him and I haven't had but a few since, but I still can feel him with me all the time. I can't explain it, but I get overcome with this odd feeling like he is right next to me, or even behind me in the bed some times.

I hope that your dreams are comforting and that your healing continues.

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After my Mom passed in Jan. '07 I would have dreams that I was always looking for her and couldn't find her. When I would find her she would apologize and say, "I'm sorry. I couldn't take the pain." Then, in a few dreams my Granny (who I would always see in dreams but never remember talking to) would say to me--while I could see my Mom in the distance--that she was ok. The other day I had one in which Mom assured me she was cancer free and as I took a nap today I dreamt that I went to her apt. and she was wearing a Justin Timberlake shirt of mine! She was bopping around and singing and dancing and looked healthy and I said, "Mom, some things should really be off limits." She said, "I didn't think you'd care if I wore it."

I think my dreams of her have changed over the course of the past few months. I really hope that it's her (and my Granny when she's there) coming from somewhere to tell me what it is I need to here.

I am only starting to begin to accept the fact that she is not here (and it's been 8 months) so I understand where you're coming from. I think the dreams (and other things) have helped me get to that point.

Love & hugs,

Kim

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This thread strikes a note with me.

I have not been able to dream about my mother, and it makes me very sad. After my father's death, I went YEARS without having a dream about him. The first one I had shocked me so much it woke me up.

My kids, especially my son, have had very vivid dreams about Mom. Chris told me he saw Mom in his dream, and he told her he loved her, and she said she loved him too. He asked why she had to go, and she said it was just her time. He asked if she could take him to see where she was now, and "She plucked at the front of my shirt, to try and take my soul with her to heaven. When I got there I saw a bright light, but because I was still human I had to go back and I couldn't see any more." I thought that was so cool.

Taylor had a dream with Mom that started much the same ("I love you...why did you have to go?") and then Mom told her, "Well, I have to go see Chris in his dreams now."

I, too, hope for dreams of Mom. Until then, I've told the kids to tell her hello for me when they see her again.

Kelly

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I've also had many dreams of my daddy since he passed. In my most recent dream he was back. He had passed, but he was back. We were at an amusement park with all the kids (as he so loved to do) and I was sitting with him asking him questions that I wished I'd asked him before he left. We were having such a good time that I wish I wouldn't have woken up.

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I didn't dream about my dad until year 2-3. And it was always vague and not anything life changing or really comforting...just fleeting images or the knowledge that I had had a dream where he was there but that was about it...

A couple of months after my mom died, I had a dream about my dad. He was sitting right next to me on their sofa, like he was still alive, but somehow I knew he wasn't supposed to be.

He was asking me questions about my mom and holding me and saying "what happened to mom?", and then I saw myself telling him the story from the very beginning when she had the stroke in front of me to the fatal reaction to the TPA infusion in the hospital and to her dying so suddenly. I relived every bit of it and wept and wept and my dad was there comforting me.

It was really a hard dream to have. I woke up weeping and exhausted, but cleansed at the same time.

Since then, I've had alot of dreams of my parents, but they always are "living" in my dreams although part of me knows they aren't supposed to be.

I had one the other night that was crazy good...but that would take forever to type.

Anyway, I hope we continue to have these "visits" from those we love.

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Any time I dream of mom it's slightly different, but I just want to stay there...and then mom starts to fade off with me waking up.

There have been a few of those but she's always busy (that's how most peopel remember her) and mostly happy...sometime with a touch of sadness. I feel like she's maybe sad for me being so sad.

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Teri,

I am a very strong believer that some dreams are not "just dreams".

When you have a "regular dream", for lack of a better term, you wake up and say.."oh that was a weird dream, or funny dream etc. When you have a dream that you feel the need to talk about, to dissect, a dream that made you feel like you were really in the presence of the person you were dreaming about... those I believe are "visits". And the way you can tell the difference, is your reaction to the dream itself. The dream you speak of of hugging Bill and feeling that void when you awoke, I believe it was because you truly did hug him and he was with you at that point in time. I have done so much reading and exploring on the subject (I hope you all don't think I am nuts), but, I do believe there is a great deal of validity in this.

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OMG Teri,

I have had those (almost)same identical dreams as you. The first dreams I had were of my husband like you said - in my dreams as his old self but he never talked and no real reason for dreaming them. He was smiling though. I had another where we were in my parents house in the utility room and we were hugging each other and he told me he was afraid to die and I told him it was ok. Another was where we were holding each other so tight and I could physically feel this. It felt so good and I did not want to wake up. During this dream it felt like we were one person and then I felt him lifting out of my body. I was afraid he was gone and then I felt him behind me like he was letting me know he was still with me. I haven't had any dreams recently but I wish I had them every night. Just thought I'd share.

Max

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My neighbor, who is our very good friend, also had two dreams with Bill. One was fairly shortly after he left us. She dreamed that she walked in our house, looked in the dining room and Bill was sitting at the table. He looked at her, and she ran out. She said she woke up and was very upset.

Then maybe a month ago she had another one. This time we were talking on the phone, and I said to her, "I think someone wants to talk to you." Next thing, Bill is on the phone with her. He was asking about me and how I was doing.

I find it all very interesting.

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I'm a lot like Beth was. It's been over a year now, and I still pray every single night that Keith will visit me in my dreams. Whenever there is a shooting star or any occassion for wishes, that is my wish. I long so badly to see him again. But I still have not had a dream of him. I have this idea that he will come to me, and I will feel his arms around me and hear his beautiful voice telling me one last time how much he truly loves me and that he is ok and I am ok to go on. But I rarely dream and when I do, it's not him.

There was one dream where I almost dreamt of him, but it was one that I clearly know was my own mind and guilt toying with me. A number of months ago a friend of mine (also a friend of Keith's) asked me out for a date. He truly is a wonderful person who has been there for me, and done SO much for me since Keith's passing. I've known him for 12 years, and neither of us ever thought of each other like that. But being so close for the past year, he has grown close to me and wanted to date me. I wasn't sure if I could ever consider dating anyone but Keith, but a part of me realizes that I really would like to someday find someone to share love with. I don't want to be alone for the next 50 years. And of all the people I could think of, he would be the only one I could imagine dating because I already respected him and enjoyed his company. So I agreed to go out to dinner. A few nights later I dreamt that it was years later, and that I was married again to Mike. In my dream, Keith came back. I couldn't see him and it wasn't like he was actually there, but more the realization that Keith was back home and I had to pick between the two of them. I was crying in my dream because Mike is such a wonderful person and I didn't want to hurt him, but my heart was and always will belong to Keith.

I woke up and felt sad the whole day. I just felt really alone, and guilty...so very lonely and with the feeling I would be lonely forever.

I know this wasn't a true visit from Keith, I didn't even get to see him, plus I know in my heart he would want me to be happy if I could. It hurt terribly to even think about him being so close and not being seen or heard. But even in the face of the possiblity of a hurtful dream, I still pray every day for a true visit/sign/dream from him. I just want to see his eyes looking into mine one more time, feel is hand touching mine, a kiss would make my heart explode from sheer joy. I'll take anything.

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I am compelled to respond to this. Like others I went to bed hoping to dream of Earl, that by doing so it would somehow bring him back in a least some way.

Well I didn't dream of him for many, many months. And then one night, the most wonderful of things happened. I dreamed that Earl was kissing me, it was as real as if he was there. If some remember, that a few hours before Earl died, he awoke after being unconscious all day. He looked at me, whispered "I love you" and then kissed me. He never regained consiousness again. But if there is such a thing as a wonderful parting gift, I got one.

Since then, I dream of Earl periodically. It is mostly mundane dreams, but it is a way to keep him alive in my heart. I am a believer that you only remember those dreams that are happening as you awake. So, maybe we are dreaming often of our loved ones and it is these dreams that keep that fire aglow in our heart.

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