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How am I supposed to be strong


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When I can't stop crying? I don't mean to sound like a whiny kid..but I don't think I can handle this.

How do you get through this? Is there some medication out there to help? I can not even think about my sister without crying. I can not have a conversation with my co-workers without tears rolling down my cheeks. I am trying not to make this about me..but I can't stop CRYING!!

Please, tell me how to get through this.

Bobby

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Bobbi--

This weekend I started crying sometime around 7 pm on Friday night and pretty much never stopped until sometime on Sunday afternoon. I went to sleep crying and I woke up crying. I actually felt scared that I wasn't ever going to be able to stop.

I think the best thing you can do right now is to let it out. If that means going for a walk every hour, so that you can have a cry...that's what you do. Yes, this is about your sister...but this is also about you and your life!

On Sunday, I finally sat down a read a chapter of a book that I recently purchased about meditation (called "Full Catastrophe Living" by John Kabat Zinn)...I found it incredibly soothing. I sat down for about 30 minutes and (while I've never been really into meditation) focused on my breathing. Nothing else. Let go of thoughts. Let go of judgement. Let go of fear.

Let's just take this one moment at a time. It's the only thing we've got right now.

You are a warrior. You are strong. And you ARE NOT being whiny. This is a really hard, really scary, and really sad experience.

Bobbi, I hope that today is easier than yesterday. Feel free to PM me when you need to....I'm in a very similar place right now.

Best,

Leslie

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Thank you for your kind response. It really did make me feel better. I think my major problem is when I cry I feel like I am giving up. Staying in denial is so much easier. This is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I will be praying for your family and you to get through this too.

Love,

Bobby

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Bobby,

Just let those tears flow. Keep tissues with you, and know that everyone understands your tears and is crying right along with you. It sometimes helps to think about something that the two of you always laugh about together. Sending prayers and positive vibes. Ellie

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It comes out and comes "at" you in so many ways...it's hard. With me, I could control it about half the time. I would choose the car or the shower or a quiet place to "lose it"...it helps to get it out... and I'd be better ("stronger") for days after...

But boy, I remember the times I broke down in the elevator at work (and it was FULL) and then sitting in the dentist chair (they kept me waiting so long that my mind began to wander and the next thing you know I am sobbing in the dentists chair)- I mean ugly sniffling sobbing. If it were a skit on TV, you would have found it hilarious- me sobbing and the look on the dentists face!

Its SO hard...but you have to find ways to let it out, seek support from your husband and friends and other family, and yes, seek counseling or anti-anxiety meds if you are finding it hard to function though out the day.

You need to take care of you, so that you can be of support to your loved one battling this disease.

Hang in there...there's nothing wrong with you..it's alot for anyone to handle.

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Bobby I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible right now. I remember so well the days and weeks of tears without end. I still sometimes have them, but thankfully there are breaks now.

There is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. You love your sister so much that it is understandable that you are grieving.

I was a bit like Katie, for me the shower and the car were my times to let all the tears flow. I can barely remember taking a shower for over 3 years that didn't include tears. I used to laugh that my husband would notice that my eyes were so red and swollen after each shower and think I was allergic to soap. He never mentioned that he noticed, but I'm sure he did.

It helps to just let it out. Nothing is gained by trying to bottle it up and hold it in. I think that sometimes makes it boil up and overflow even more sometimes.

There were times where it was worse than others, I'd walk for days with tears streaming down my face 24/7. What I found so helpful was Lexapro. Yes, drugs! They aren't the solution to everything, and they didn't make the tears dry up. But they helped me be able to control them to the point where most times I could get to a safe place to let it all out instead of the spontaneous combustion that used to happen.

Another thing that helped was finding a way to channel all those pent up emotions and let them out in other ways than tears. I decided I was going to get angry with cancer. I was PISSED!!! F*Ckin' Cancer!!!! I HATE CANCER!!! I expressed that energy not only in researching things to fight the cancer, but I physically battled cancer as well. I would go out into my yard and visualize that the ugly bush in the back that overgrew everything was his cancer. And I would go out there with my machete and destroy the heck out of that bush/cancer (usually bawling the whole time). I know it's silly, but it seemed to exhaust all that emotion in me for at least the next day, and then I could go back out in the yard again and find another bush or tree to whack when I was feeling overwhelmed. Or once in a while I'd buy a dozen eggs just to throw them with all my strength, and anger at one of the trees in back. (helps that I have a large wooded yard).

It's not the action that is important, but the point of focusing your emotions on some outlet to get it off your chest. Otherwise it can feel like it is crushing you. It is too much for one person to carry around.

Do whatever it is that helps you get through this one day, and tomorrow do whatever it is that helps you get through another. If that means crying, then to hell with the world and what they may think anyway. Cry all that hurt out. (((Bobby)))

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I can't begin to count how many times I've broken down when someone asks me "how is your mom?" - especially at work. It is SO normal. As time has gone by, I've gotten better though, I did see a counselor which helped and did take Zoloft for a few months. Hope you feel better soon.

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Praying that the fluids will help your sister feel better.

As far as being "strong", who says we have to be? Is there a rule in the Cancer Handbook that says that? Do we have to be "Strong" to be worthy of loving someone with cancer? I think not. :x

I've been reminded by a person or two, that my husband is the one who has cancer... as if I should be thankful it's not ME, and also that I should, in other words, concentrate on what he needs, wants, has to have, etc. (Which I DO!)

I AM thankful, but my husband is mine and my son's world. I can't imagine Life without him, so therefore, human that I am, I sometimes not only feel extremely sorry for my hubby, but sorry for my son and I too.

If that's wrong, so be it! :?

I don't cry in front of Harry. I don't think about statistics. I don't say to him; "What am I going to do without you"? On the surface, I appear very cool, calm and collected.

But in my "alone times", I do all of the above ~ Not constantly, but enough to be deemed by some as "not so strong".

Be you, because I can tell you're a good, loving sister.

Let us know if the fluids do their job! It's helped Harry LOT'S of times, to be re-hydrated. Says he feel like a new man afterwards!

Take care of yourself,

Nova

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Bobby, must be the weather the last two weeks cause I've been feeling down lately as well. Spent a couple nights yelling at the stars, and delayed going to bed to breakdown downstairs where Col couldn't see or hear me. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. One thing I will say is I think it depends on your personality before we all go into this whole mess. I would say if you were emotional to begin with, then I would expect to be more emotional. I could count on one hand the number of times I cried prior to being tossed into this. I lost count the first month post dx. It's bound to happen, and it won't do anyone any good to bottle it up. I think sometimes it's good to get it out. That being said, if it begins to "take over" I would think about searching out things to help. Medicines are great things these days, and you can get a thousand different happy pills from your primary care doc. My mother in law was a bundle of nerves before Col's DX, and I thought right afterwards she was going to literally loose her mind. Went to the Dr. he gave her something, and she's been doing well ever since. It's not to make the problem go away, but IMO it can go a long way to make it tolerable.

That's my 2cents. In the mean time prayers that you are able to wrok through this are on the way.

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Hi Bobby,

Sometimes you have to let the tears out before you can get stronger again.

Most of the time when Bill was in treatment, I was pretty strong. Around scan times (especially when I knew it wasn't gone) and when he really wasn't feeling well, I had a harder time. I would go through my day and appear fine, but when people asked me, it was hard to hold it in. And sometimes I was in a constant state of "almost crying."

Also -- showers. Totally my cry space.

I'm so sorry you're going through this...hugs to you and Bev.

Maybe you need to go for a visit soon.

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Hi Bobby, I just wanted you to know that I am praying for your sister, you and your family. I know first hand that cancer is not easy, my father, his mother and his father all died from lung cancer. I will not say that I know how you are feeling, because only you truly know how you feel. I have been on both sides of this disease. I along with everyone else here can be a shoulder for you if that is what you need.

Bobbie

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You cry because you have too much feeling for your mind to hold it all in. You have to release that pressure, stop letting it draw that band around your chest so tight. Cry.

Breathe.

Deep breath in through the nose, slowly let it out through the mouth. Again, slow, deep breath in, then out. Concentrate on your breathing, relax, and let the tears roll.

If you don't take care of yourself, you'll be no good to anyone else. Refill your pitcher.

It's not all about you. It's not all about your sister. It's about both of you, your relationship, your realizations.

Cry if you need to cry. Release the pressure in the comfort of your own shower, or have it bubble up and overflow in the check-out lane of the grocery store...

Take care of yourself,

Becky

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Bobby,

Yesterday for no reason I started crying when I looked at the picture

I have of Alan on my desk, and he is doing well. I

was a little mad at myself and then I just said the

heck with it and cried. The tears come when I NEED

them to. You needed to cry and there is no shame

in that, what you and your family are going through, to put it bluntly, sucks.

Do not beat yourself up for being HUMAN. I will pray

that the fluids help your sister and that she can return home shortly. We are here for you.

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