lori92760 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 my dad is diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his hip and his neck. his doctor called him on a friday night to tell him and we waited until tuesday for the oncologist office to get back to use about and appt, which was two weeks away. when we went to that appt. they all seemed so surprised that no one had told us anything about it. surprised and irritated with us. i still dont know if its nsclc or sclc. my dad is 88 and getting frail and he has heart and blood pressure issues. this dr. wants to do chemo, but has explained very little to my dad about side effects, etc. he just told my dad that they had meds to counter any side effects. this poor old man thinks this will be like taking an antibiotic. the zometa they gave him wiped him out for 6 days. so much so that my dad thought that was the chemo. he was surprised when i told him that it wasnt. i didnt tell him, but i assume it will get worse. where do i go to get some answers? the doctor would not give us a life expectancy with chemo, without. and i realize that is a guess but how else do you weigh your options. he said with out, his decline would be rapid, but then would not tell us what rapid was: 2 weeks, 2 months, 6 months, etc. when i asked if he had two more seconds as i had thought of some questions, he said "no really i dont" he told me to write down the questions and give them to the nurse. i wrote down three questions and when i approached her she said "this better be quick, i am going to lunch" i was speechless, which really irritated her, so i just said nevermind. the cancer diagnosis at his age is hard enough, i guess we all hope for a peaceful passing, but i was so taken back by the staff at the hospital. i went in thinking these will be loving helpful people. i feel like we do not know anymore than we did when we went in. they have him all signed up for chemo next week. i thought people had picc lines. i thought there was some pre chemo things to do. if my dad had decided on chemo after being fully informed, i could support this, but as it stands i feel like he doesnt have a clue. anyone with any suggestions? lor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Hi Lor. I have one, very strong, suggestion. FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR! No one should be treated the way you and your father were. Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Lewis Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Dear Lori, You are the only one who can advocate for your father. It sounds as though the treatment you/he are receiving is not meeting your expectations. It's folks like you that this forum helps most. Read all you can and search the internet. Print or write down your questions and prepare for the next appointment. Locate a major cancer center in your area and don't leave until all your questions are answered. Please, PLEASE, get another opinion and do it soon! Your Dr's nurse deserves to be fired on the spot, and his callous response and rush to chemo with an obviously frail patient is at best, extremely questionable. You did not state exactly where you were receiving treatment, but there are many fine cancer centers in Illinois. Do not let your elderly father begin chemo, particularly first line chemo, without a second opinion and without having both your questions and his answered. He deserves better treatment and a physician and staff who will give you the time to answer all your questions and discuss the many alternatives for treatment. Chemo is brutal and will reduce even an otherwise healthy man to tears. Run...don't walk! I'm now a three year survivor and have been down this road. My original prognosis was 6 months to a year. That's why few physicians will even guess at a prognosis early in treatment/diagnosis. He has the potential to survive his remaining days in comfort and clarity. Please give him the opportunity to do so. All my best to you and dad. Michael Lewis Seattle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrian Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Agree completely with the advice above. For what it's worth, if the onc. told you "stage IV" it is likely that he has Non-small cell cancer as small cell cancer grading is presently graded only as either "limited" or extensive," while non-small cell uses the I through IV system. Within non-small cell there are non-small cell sub types (adeno, squamous, large cell) which you still need to find out about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Lori, Very sorry to hear about your father. A second opinion is needed-- your father needs to know all the facts so he/you can make a informed decision. Also I would write a letter to the hospital regarding your fathers poor treatment by his doctor and nurse. Below are some links I do hope will help. Prayers for the best. Rich BEST HOSPITALS 2007: http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/ ... p_alph.htm BEST HOSPITALS 2007 SPECIALTY SEARCH: CANCER http://health.usnews.com/usnews/health/ ... c=ihqcanc& Questions to Ask the Doctor: http://www.plwc.org/portal/site/PLWC/me ... mt=default Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 PLEASE FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR! Your father deserves more dignity than that! DO NOT TOLERATE SUCH A LACK OF INTEGRITY. After you find another doctor for your dad print out this post and mail it to the so called professionals. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 In older adults cancer seems to grow slower. My MIL was diagnosed at 84 with Stage IV NSCLC and recently passed due to a stroke at age 86. She did not do chemo but she did have the primary tumor radiated. I would go for another opinion. Chemo is hard for someone elderly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanaBrooke Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR for sure! That's crazy how they treated you - RUN from them fast!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lori92760 Posted October 10, 2007 Author Share Posted October 10, 2007 thanks for the posts. my dad is reluctant to get another opinion. my two sisters seem to be pushing for him to do this asap. of course they leave next week and my 80 old mother and i will be the care takers. does this seem terribly selfish: if he decides on chemo could i ask him to wait until mid november. will it be harmful for him to wait. he feel good now and i am getting married nov 10 and i want my dad there. i just have this feeling in my gut that if he gets chemo next week he wont be alive by the 10th. i am usually a very positive person, but this reaccuring thought is over whelming to me. i know my dad, i know how little things can really make him sick. any thoughts? lor Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Lewis Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Lori, Cancer is a disease unlike a cold, pneumonia or any of many others for which prompt treatment may save a life. In fact, often rushing to treatment may be detrimental. For me, rushing to surgery was probably a wrong decision. We fell into the "let's fix it quickly" trap. Had we looked at other options and talked carefully with other medical experts, it's likely that we would have had information about post-surgery chemotherapy, an option not offered by our provider at the time. I feel today, that adjuvant chemo may have saved my life. In retrospect, it was bad medicine practiced without full disclosure. Most here are not doctors, but we have the combined medical experience to rationally discuss cancer issues, having been there, either ourselves or as caregivers. Truth is, if your dad has advanced (StageIV) metastatic lung cancer, he will die from the disease or complications thereof. As his caregiver, I hope you would be with him in those last moments, knowing that he was able to do all the things he wished under your watch, including attending your wedding. Listen carefully to the advice you are given above. It's given in a spirit of love and compassion from kind people who have walked your path. As caregiver, you will make decisions from an aspect of what's good for dad. Sometimes, you must be the strong, even forceful caregiver who is not afraid to plant your feet in the ground and refuse to proceed with anything until all your questions, all your doubts have been answered and all your options have been explained to your complete satisfaction. That's not dad's job right now, it's yours. I feel I can be clear and concise about this, because it's the kind of care I would want. Bless you and dad, Michael Lewis Seattle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernrol Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Lor, You do need to get a second opinion. Go to the web site below and it will give you a list of places that give second opinions and how to contact them. I went to Sloan Kettering in New York. They are not on the list but they are very good. http://www.blochcancer.org/articles/xtrnew.asp You can certainly find a place that will give you better treatment than you have told us about. Stay positive, Ernie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley (MLC) Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Hi Lori, I am so sorry that your family had to deal with such an unprofessional Dr. and staff. This is such a frightening disease and it is so helpful to have a Dr that relates to you and is willing to spend time with you (especially on a first visit) and explain what is going on and what your options are. It certainly doesn't sound like this will happen with this Dr. If you can't convince your Dad to try someone else, I would make sure to contact the Dr.s office and let them know that you had many unanswered questions when you were in and expect that adequate time will be given to you and your family at the next visit. Write up a list of questions and ask the Dr. to call you at home. My mom's Dr's and nurses have been very good about calling me. I live about 3000 miles away from my mom and they realize how concerned I am about her. Good luck. I wish you a wonderful Wedding Day and I hope your Dad is feeling well enough to share that with you. Shelley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Please, please, please get a second opinion!! My oncologist actually recommends that all patients should do that just to put them at ease!! There is absolutely no reason for your dads doctor or the nurses there to treat him like that!! I go to the Cleveland Clinic and everyone there is wonderful. My chemo nurse always gives me a huge hug, and once when I had to go in for a Neulasta shot, the nurse realized it was my birthday and all the nurses ran over to me to hug me and wish me happy birthday!! The way they treated you and him is totally unacceptable and unprofessional. If you can convince your dad to see another doctor, then I would write a letter to the hospital administrator and report them!! Will remember you both in my prayers. Good luck with whatever decision you and your dad make and I am hoping you a wonderful wedding day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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