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Does it ever get "easier"????


VegasMomOf3

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Hi there!

I didn't think there could be anything harder than watching my Mom die. Boy was I wrong! Seeing women my age with their mothers just takes my breath away. I want so badly to tell them to CHERISH EVERY SECOND!! But I stop myself from scaring the masses. I spent the final 3 weeks of my Mom's life with her........but of course I want more. I guess that's natural. She and I had many talks, laughs & tears......but I want more. I call my Dad everyday, sometimes more than once. I don't want to burden him with my feelings so I've backed off with sharing my every thought. I get these moments where I want to scream and hit something. Tears come then. This dreaded disease robbed me of my Mom and I'm quite ticked about it. I wonder too if I was so caught up with Mom's care that I didn't go through any of the "6 stages" of death & dying until now. Oh Lord please tell me this will one day get easier.

Donna

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Donna~

I cant say "I know how you feel". I know for sure when I was diagnosed, I would see women out w/ their grandchildren ( I dont have any yet), I would get very tearful, and greif stricken~ OK basically at things like that I would freak out. That has calmed down a bit. Cry when you need to its medicinal. keep 5 of the favorite things about your Mom on the tip of your memory at all times. Know I am praying you that you get some peace and understanding soon. Mary

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Donna It does get easier. THe pain will always be there though, but it does get easier. It just takes TIME. I know this for fact!!

http://www.inspiringthots.net/movie/limit-cancer.php

Watch this and there are many more here that may help you some.

((((((((((((((donna)))))))))))))))

Prayers and thoughts for positive energy tonite and always...

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My husband lost his dad 8 years ago when he was 18. He told me that it doesn't get easier, just different. That has been true for me.

I'm 2+ years out from Mom's death. The pain isn't so sharp. It still hurts but it isn't undergirding my life as much.

My breath is STILL taken away by people my age and their mothers. It just stings. Or people my age with their mothers and their kids.... Even worse. The one thing that has eased that for me was going out with my husband's Aunt one day and my own Aunt another and realizing that to the casual observer it looked like it was a woman out with her kids and her Mom. Then it hit me that all these women that were taking my breath away might not actually be with their Mom's after all. Sounds weird, I know... To be comforted by that, but... it helped me.

Anyway... It will start to become 'new normal.' It might hurt a lot more before that happens... But you WILL get through it. And we will be here to support you through all of it.

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I understand how you feel. My dad has been gone for 9 months now and it still hurts as I'm sure it always will- but not quite as sharply as the very beginning. Hopefully one day (the sooner the better)we can all find the peace we are looking for. Hugs to you. Michele

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I am so sorry that you are hurting. I have not suffered the loss of a parent, but lost my husband 4 weeks ago. You are so new to grief. I wouldn't expect it be any easier for you at this point. However, I have been assured by those that have been through this that eventually grief is not all consuming. It will always be sad and a part of our lives, but not the center of our lives as it is now.

Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time to mourn and time to heal.

I hope that as time passes that you can find some peace.

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Hi Donna,

I am sure you have heard of the different stages of grieving and they are not in any particular order.

When I was preparing for my husbands funeral everyone was saying how well I was doing but I was really doing what had to be done and going through the motions.

After everyone left I was all alone and I was able to process what had happened. Then it hit and it hit hard.

I had a lot of anger, I didn't want to talk to certain people. I would only allow a select few in, which I still need to shield myself from.

You will have a lot of confusion and this is quite normal. My counselor said he would be worried about me if I didn't feel this way. It is tough but you will be able to get through it and we are here to help.

Sincerely,

Connie Rausch

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Donna, it hasn't even been a month for you. Don't despair. Does it get easier...yeah, you learn to cope, the tears don't come as steadily...but they do still come. I suspect they always will.

I can't help but be sad when I see people interact with their mothers...I hate that I am but I am.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I haven't looked at this board for quite awhile, but for some reason, was drawn tonight. My sister, who was like a mother to me, died almost 3 years ago. I can't say that it has become "easier", but it has become more bearable. I wear 2 pieces of her jewelry & they comfort me; our personal style & tastes were so different, but they feel right because she wore them. I still can't open the boxes of family photographs & memorabilia that she had saved thru the years & were given to me. In fact, I triple-wrapped them with duct tape. But someday, I know I'll be able to look at them & am glad to have them. I trudge on through life & wish I could speak to her but have finally accepted that I can't. I can go to the cemetary now & look at her name & birthdate & date of death & bear it. And so it goes.

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Donna,

Your feelings are normal, only time

will make it easier. you will miss her

as much but your eyes wont see each

person with a mother.........

Easy to say but we all go through a bit

of jealousy (never found a better word)

when we see others with a person we think

is their mother and our own mother is gone

from out life.

(((((((Hugs)))))))))))

Jackie

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I "get" it too.

I could go on and on here- but the point is, it sucks, it hurts, it isn't fair. I dispise how I feel when I look at people my age who talk loosly about or take their parents for granted, when I have none.

Every milestone, birthday or holiday is bittersweet. There is always an underlining thought that my parents should be here.

Time does help soften things....we get used to it, because we have no other choice. Life brings joy in again, and it's those times that make it all bearable.

I'm so sorry for your pain. Your loss is so recent.

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