Dick Benson Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Being new here, I do not know what your protocall is nor where exactly to post, so here goes: What has you folks experience and remedy for the following been? 1. Depressions, anger and fear. 2. The seemily desertion of friends and family since I have been diagnosed with CANCER! 3. Not knowing what is in the future and not really getting definative answers from doctors as to a finite pronossis. Dick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyka69 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi Dick. Now that you have posted in the 'Introduce Yourself' area, feel free to post wherever you think is appropriate. If our trusted moderators think your post will be noticed more in another forum, they will move it for you. No worries there. First let me welcome you to this site, though I'm sorry you have a need to be here. I was a caregiver, so I'm sure other survivors like yourself can give you better feedback, I can tell you what I observed with my husband. Depression, anger, and fear can all be normal reactions when living with cancer. Some have joined cancer support groups. Others have had individual therapy. And of course there's this wonderful site. In addition, experiment with what you find relaxing. My husband read books that brought him some peace. I liked CDs with the sounds of rain or the ocean. And stay as active as you can! Very important to your emotional well-being. But if you find these feelings are interfering with your everyday life, talk to your doctor. He can help too. I've often heard that friends and family disappear after diagnosis. But sometimes they truly just don't know what to do or say. They probably haven't walked in your shoes. Don't be afraid to let them know what you need. If you want to talk about your diagnosis, tell them it's ok. Many people don't want to talk about it because they don't want to "upset you". If you want company at a doctor's appointment, just ask. I think you'll be surprised by how many people want to help. Unfortunately, doctors don't have crystal balls. They can't tell you with any certainty what the future holds. Just try to take one day at a time, and find as much enjoyment as you can out of each day. I'm sorry you're going through all of this. I wish I could find the magic words to take it all away. I will keep you in my thoughts. Keep on keeping on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr13 Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Dick, I think the loss of family and friends, and the distancing of professional collegues just has to be the hardest part of this whole thing. I envy people who are married because at least they have someone. I am faced with spending the holidays all alone. I am so, so very deeply sad, and hurt. I cry every day because I am so sad. My phone doesn't ring any more. It's as if I am already dead. My own daughter - who I still support - doesn't even call me to see how I am. She did call last week though to ask for money to go on an exotic trip with her boyfriend for the holidays. Can you imagine? I'm going to make it all be o.k. though. Somehow I will get through this; I will get into remission; and then I will recreate my life, and surround myself with new friends - people who value and care about me, and who I can in turn value, support, and care about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dadstimeon Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Welcome Dick, Sorry you have to be here but glad you found us. Great place for sharing, caring and support. 1. Depressions, anger and fear-- Can't speak about depressions except if you feel you are to seek advise from your doctor. Anger to me is wasted energy, counter-productive and does not charge the situation. As far as fear I fear the unknown and as long as I know I handle things better so I try to learn as much as I can. 2. The seemingly desertion of friends and family since I have been diagnosed with CANCER!-- Been my experience that the people who I thought would be here for me the most are not and people who where once (one became my best friend) strangers are my biggest supporters and and a very positive part of my journey who I could not get this far without. Nothing one can do about the ones who choose not to be around so seek out the ones who do want to help and be there for you. 3. Not knowing what is in the future and not really getting definitive answers from doctors as to a finite prognosis-- I asked my doctor my prognosis and it was two years and here I am 66 months later still here. No one knows what the future lies. It's best to take it one day, one step at a time. Focus on living, not dying, on what one can do, not what one can't do. Be pro-active and learn as much as you can. Research, research and more research, knowledge is the key. Live life to the fullest. Also might want to look into a phone buddy or join a face to face support group with people who have been there done that. There is a good place called The Wellness Center @ http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/cor ... lities.php and it is free. Feel free to PM me anytime if I can be of help. Stay with us and keep us posted. Hope this helps, prayers for the best. Rich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi Dick: You may find that if you ask a family member or friend to go with you on your appointments, they may be happy to help. They could just feel awkward and not know what to do or say. It is often helpful to have a second set of ears, especially at consultation appointments. I had anger first and then depression. I took anti depressants for a while and xanax from time to time. Now I don’t take anything. I have been dealing with lc for 4 years now, and for me, I eventually just got tired of being depressed and do ok emotionally now. I still have a reasonably good quality of life and so that makes it easier to be upbeat and positive I suppose. As others have said, you just do this one day at a time. I still have long term dreams or plans, but I pretty much focus on the present moment and be grateful if I feel good. I guess I have reached a point in my disease that I live from one scan to the next. I think that most of us have a scan-oriented way of life. If my scan says stable, yay then I forget about the disease for a while until the next scan. I have other interests beside my disease. I have grandchildren. My wife and I are going to go to Phoenix next week to visit our son and his family. We live in the state of Washington. I have a high definition video camera and will get lots of video of my grandson and his mom am dad and his dog. They are just moving into a new house. We leave next week. I just recently built a new computer that will allow me to efficiently process and edit the high def video. When I do this stuff, I am not thinking about lung cancer. Things should settle down for you once you get a treatment plan going and a routine settles in. Good luck with your treatment. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Starr13 and Dick As long as you are in our community you are NOT alone. Let us be family We care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Dick - Sorry you have to find us but am happy that you did!! This place is the best for hope, inspirational and caring. When I was first dx'd 14 months ago, I too was very depressed and fearful. You need to let your doc know as he can put you on some anti-depressants. Try to find a support group, and come here a lot!! I have days when I am still depressed and then I come here, and I feel so much better. Don't know how far along with your treatment plan you are, but once you have a plan in place it gets better, almost routine. Where in Ohio are you from? I am in Parma Hts outside of Cleveland and there is a gal here from Medina. Where are you being treated at?? Hope this helps at least a little - please know that we all DO care very much about you and we will be here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Dick - Sorry you have to find us but am happy that you did!! This place is the best for hope, inspirational and caring. When I was first dx'd 14 months ago, I too was very depressed and fearful. You need to let your doc know as he can put you on some anti-depressants. Try to find a support group, and come here a lot!! I have days when I am still depressed and then I come here, and I feel so much better. Don't know how far along with your treatment plan you are, but once you have a plan in place it gets better, almost routine. Where in Ohio are you from? I am in Parma Hts outside of Cleveland and there is a gal here from Medina. Where are you being treated at?? Hope this helps at least a little - please know that we all DO care very much about you and we will be here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernrol Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Dick, We all go through a certain amount of the things that you have asked about. It did not take me long to figure out that everything you have mentioned causes stress and stress is one of our biggest enemies with disease. I decided that I had to get rid of all of them and the sooner the better. Depression – once you work your way into a positive attitude and believe that you will beat this, and then depression will not be the problem. Anger – anger hurts the person that is angry the most, so that is a waste of time and energy. Fear- fear will also be less when you get a positive attitude. Friends- they may be afraid to call because they don’t know what to say. You might try calling them. I never had that problem. There are also a lot of people here that you can call your friend. Not knowing what is in the future- It really is not that much different than before I was diagnosed. There is no guarantee that I will be here tomorrow. I could be run over by a truck. Not really getting definitive answers from doctors as to a finite prognosis- They really aren’t sure. Everything they say is based on history and not what may happen in the future. I really don’t believe there predictions, since they said 18 months. A verse that I like that addresses worry is: MATHEW 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Stay positive, Ernie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Ernie - I think I will put that bible verse on my fridge - it really says it all! Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nomadawn Posted November 13, 2007 Share Posted November 13, 2007 Hi Dick, Your concerns are all quite common amongst people affected by cancer. It is very normal to feel all of those things especially straight after being diagnosed. If you search amongst these boards you will find references made to depression/anger/fear as well as family members going AWOL after a diagnosis of their loved ones. I do feel that some family members are no better at coping with the diagnosis than the actual person who has the cancer.I feel depression/anger/fear is a reaction of family members in lots of cases - it certainly has been apparent in my family since my mums diagnosis. After the initial shock in fact my mum seemed to pick up and cope quite well - still is. We have a couple of family members who are 'burying their heads in sand'. With regards to a prognosis, we have never been given one although the initial doctor simply said'this is not good' !! We are aware that it is very difficult to give prognosis as everyone is different and doctors would not want to give the wrong messaage. If you read many of the profiles on this site you will quickly learn the diversity of each persons particular circumstances is vast and impossible to quantify. Lots of statistics for lung cancer are also out of date so this blurs the perspective even further. Please stay in touch and post here to let us know how you are progressing. Wishing you strength and peace God bless Debbie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Welcome Dick, I think everything you are experiencing is, unfortunately, part of what becomes the "new normal." Depression, anger, denial are all something that most cancer survivors work through at one time or another. I know I've seen my mom go through all of them in the past 10 months. I'm glad you found us here, we will stand with you through this journey. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Hello Dick, You had good answers to your questions, so won't add to that part. You are now in a family that will be ready to answer questions, offer a shoulder when needed, even read any ranting you may want to do. Just stay around and you won't feel alone. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Welcome, Dick!!! I started to reply here, but soon realized I had WAY too much to say . I sent you a PM so check your mailbox!!!! In the meantime, good luck as you begin this journey. We are so happy to stand beside you along the way! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbara5452 Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Dick, the new norm is what it is. Keep yourself as busy as possible, stay away from negative people and doctors and surround yourself with positive energy. You will have good and bad days, the cancer roller coaster deal with them as they come. As far as lost friendships I am dealing with that, the phone rings less often which makes us feel alone. When I am feeling alone I come to this web site. As for the doctor's giving me a time line, I've never asked and they have never said, only the the Lord knows that and many here can tell you they were told a time line and have surpassed it by months and years. Welcome to your new family of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted November 14, 2007 Share Posted November 14, 2007 Dick, Nomadawn (Debbie) hit the nail on the head with her post. (Ooohh, who is the great therapist now Debbie?? ) The only other thing I'd add is to develop a good sense of humor because that will be your salvation on this journey. Also, can we have you fill out a profile that goes on the bottom of your posts? Click on "My Profile" above and give us a little more information so we can help you in a better way. For Dick and Starr -- everyone is right. We are your family now. We all have been where you are or been caregivers. Much knowledge and support is readily available to you by very loving and caring people on this board. Make use of it, that is why we are all here. Bless you, Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.