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My Dad passed away September 18th and life just hasn't been the same since. I thank you all for the kind responses that I received to my post, "Greiving *and* Disappointed". It helps to hear from people that really do understand. I am starting to feel more 'myself' but am constanly brought back to the reality that my wonderful Dad is just not here any more. Some days I have less reminders than others.

My fiance has a good buddy that has been like a dad to him. For the past six months this man has been losing weight, not feeling well and the doctor's had been treating him for a stomach ulcer...which we feel they have been totally off-base with that. Just recently, my fiance has become the "caretaker" for him and yesterday took him to the hospital for a scope test. The test showed a mass under the stomach and the doctors will do further testing because they believe this may be pancreatic cancer.

I can't take any more of this crap that life keeps throwing at us. Even if we get good test results (which of course I am hoping for), right now we are back to playing this waiting game and feeling all the emotions that are still so raw for me. It's like living through my Dad's battle and losing all over again every time I think of this situation. And as I am selfishly feeling badly for myself and the things I have been through, how am I to be the strong one and support my loved one when all of this is just too fresh and painful?

Thanks for reading...I just needed to type this out because I am a much better writer than a talker. Sometimes I just feel like God doesn't play fair and I'm tired of the expression that He won't give us more than we can handle. Maybe I'm just plain tired and beaten down.

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Hi Kris,

While I can not relate entirely to your situation, I do know what it feels like to be tired and beaten down. I have asked myself many times over the past few months why God would let one family deal with so much. My extended family has not had it so easy since 9/11. Someone shared this poem with me yesterday:

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Happy moments, praise God.

Difficult moments, seek God.

Quiet moments, worship God.

Painful moments, trust God.

Every moment, thank God.

I am trying to stay close to God right now and it is not always easy and I am afraid I don't know all the answers myself. But I do know that I will include you in my prayers each night and pray that with time, you and your family will find some peace. And some good news too!


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As I begin my new battle with this beast called Lung Cancer, I have, again, turned to God. I have put my trust and faith into my medical team, who are God's instruments. I am determined to beat this again. I have never been alone, as I have had many praying for me and with me. Again, I have to ask my friends to pray and there is no reluctance on their part.

Each of us are faced with our own individual battles, but we are not alone, as almost 700 people can attest to. The love and support of LCSC and the face to face group I belong to, are the help I need to see my way through this latest crisis. This should be the same for anyone belonging to LCSC. We are not alone.

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