ginnyde Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Not much update on the Duke of Earl. Has only had one carbo/taxol infusion, next one scheduled for Monday. But not only is he a member of the 'Empty Headed' club, he is now a member of the 'Bare Headed' club. This is the second time he has lost his hair, the first was during the brain radiation. He is VERY TIRED ALL OF THE TIME. But thankfully his appetite is good and he is gaining weight. (He who was never vain, now is upset that he may be fat and bald. Haha). I realized last night why I don't chat. The chat is at 9:00 pm EST and by that time I am too tired to get off the couch. Also, my pc is upstairs and I don't want to leave Earl alone at night. Could we schedule another chat for a weekend day time. Just a thought. Another randam topic. Many of my friends and acquaintances have told me how well I seem to be holding up during this time. I will tell you I am sad beyond belief about my sweetie and as someone else here said, in some ways I feel like I am grieving already. BUT, walking around moping and weeping does NO ONE any good. I speak with Earl like there is a future and we do some limited planning. I have always been a happy, optimistic person. And today at work a little brochure came in the mail and I think I found the saying that has guided my life: The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything. The just make the best of everything. Earl is here today with me. He is not in pain. He is glad to be alive. Bless all of my friends here. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Ginny, I absolutely LOVE who you are on the inside! Working through a blue phase myself, will be back to "me" when I can get there. (I'm not sure what put me over the "edge" this time, so it's a little harder getting back...) Take care, and here's a big hug for you! Becky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flabet Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Ginny, I understand how you feel. I appear to be handling everything very well on the surface, but inside I'm terribly sad. I refuse to let my honey see me sad, because that will only upset and scare him, but it is very hard to stay upbeat all the time. The only time I fall apart is when someone does something incredibly kind for us or when someone gives me a hug. I tend to keep myself to myself at work and at chuch because I know if I accept too much tenderness or affection from my friends or co-workers I will simply lose it. I have Doug with me to hold and love and enjoy right now and I won't do anything to upset him. Hang in there, Ginny, and together we'll all make it through. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Hey Ginny, We can start the Wednesday chat earlier for the Eastern people that's not a problem. Lot's of times people are on prior to the 9:00 (Eastern time) start anyway Also, the Tuesday chat with David A starts at 8 Eastern time. We can meet together anytime in the chat doesn't have to be Wed or Tues. just post it and people will come. Want to do a caregiver chat? Hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candy Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Ginny, You are a survivor and your attitude is wonderful. I felt much the same way as you. I think it was KatieB that once responded to one of my posts saying not to mourn something that hadn't happened. TOMORROW COULD BE THE DAY THEY FIND A CURE!!!! If you give up your plans for the future and your hope than you have nothing. Hugh and I never did that and though our outcome wasn't what we wished for, that attitude, our planning for the future made his year with cancer one that we were able to enjoy. What a waste of Hugh's last year it would have been if either of us had moped and pouted. I feel much the same as I try to deal without him - what possible good will it do anyone to withdraw and pout. It won't bring him back, it won't cure cancer. So we take life's lemons and try really hard to make lemonade. As for chatting, I never chatted before because every spare minute I had was for Hugh. I don't chat now because my computer is in my spare room and my son and his wife are staying with me for a bit so I won't be alone (THANK GOD) and I can't get in their because they are usually in bed by nine. When Jeremy leaves for basic training in February (I dread that) I will probably be chatting. Keep that great attitude Ginny - Earl can beat this thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Ginny, I know what you mean on all accounts. For one thing, in between holding down a full time job (which, for the first time in my life, I have gone through all my sick and vacation time for the year so any more time off is w/o pay, in fact, I was sick a few weeks ago and had to take a day off w/o pay), a two hour round trip commute, taking care of a two year old, trying to keep up the house (that just ain't happening) and keeping up with Dave and his treatment as best I can, I'm pretty darn tired all the time. Not much time for the computer once I'm home. Another thing: yep, I get people telling me how well I'm holding up, probably especially in light of the fact that I've had clinical depression before. Even Dave has been amazed, I think, until earlier this week when a bad case of PMS plus probable onset of menopause hit me, I told him I felt like I was losing it and I meant it. But I try to act like we have a future and as far as we're concerned we do. When he got diagnosed all I could think about was selling our beautiful place out in the country on the Mattaponi River and moving in to suburialand for an easier life for Faith and I. Now I'm nagging him about the addition I want to the house and upgrading to a newer travel trailer! How about that for optimism? I've told him he has no choice - I NEED HIM around for quite a long time more - so does Faith, so he's got to slay this beast! My random thoughts, I think I know how you feel, though. And I love how you call your hubbie The Duke. Or is that his name? Take care, Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted November 6, 2003 Author Share Posted November 6, 2003 Karen, My husband's name is Earl, but I joke on here because of the song 'Duke of Earl' - probably before yor time. I call him Sweetie or Honey or Damn you. I know what you mean about moving. When Earl first got sick, I really talked to him about downsizing, we have a big 2 story, 3 car garage, 1.5 acres house and property. Last year I put out 51 large trash cans full of leaves. Earl absolutely does not want to move, he loves this house, so here we stay. But it is difficult - a house needs a lot of care and maintenance and Earl can not do any of it. He is truly bummed because I have a handy man coming to do the things that I cannot possibly do, like finish framing the garage doors that Earl had started. While I am only working outside the house 3 days/week, I spend at least two other days trying to keep our software business alive, just in case. I have to keep an optimistic outlook no matter what, it is the only way I can function. I do whatever I can each day to make Earl better or happy or fed or warm and to try and make him laugh. The only difference between Earl and me is that he has a bad disease and I don't. That doesn't mean I will live longer, so shouldn't we be happy today. I think so. Your little girl is darling. Don't let this damn disease interfer with the joy you and David can have from this little angel. Ginny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carolyn Flournoy Posted November 6, 2003 Share Posted November 6, 2003 Ginny Since Earl is getting the same chemo as my husband I was wondering if he is also taking any medication before chemo. Jim takes Dexamithasone 4mg, 5 tablets 12 hours and 5 tablets 6 hours before chemo. I think this is a steroid he doesn't seem any more fatigued then he was before starting chemo. Have a good weekend Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remembering Dave Posted November 7, 2003 Share Posted November 7, 2003 Ginny, well, it might be a little before my time (I'm almost 45) but I do know the song! Probably also helps that Dave is an ex-professional trumpet player. I'm trying to convince Dave we need to replace the carpet in our living room since the puppy (puppy who is six months old and weighs at least 50 pounds!) soaked it with his pee pee - with hardwood flooring. Last summer, before getting Faith and before Dave got sick, we pulled up the carpet in another room and installed prefinished hardwood flooring ourselves, we also tore up the water damaged hardwood in our kitchen and replaced it with ceramic tile - ourselves. I told him we should do this soon and hire someone to install the new flooring. He doesn't like the idea and I think the idea of hiring someone to do something he used to be able to do quite well is the problem. I'm also trying to convince him to let me hire cleaning help 'cause it just ain't happening with me . . . Anyway, I do love your attitude, it's helping! Perspective is everything! Take care! Karen C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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