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Ups and Downs


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Today I participated in my first (definitely not my last) Los Angeles Lung Cancer Walk. It was great. I had my parents and two former workmates walking with me. Two of my team members (a mother/young daughter team) couldn't make it due to an injury. Many, many other people supported us with well wishes and financial donations. Although my personal page doesn't reflect it, I made my target (a couple people sent checks, so it doesn't show)! I loved feeling part of a bigger group. The only things missing were my lcsc friends, and a few other friends and family members that couldn't make the walk. I was thinking how amazing it would be to do something like that with all of you. Seeing all of the team names and the tribute badges and signs was both inspirational and heartbreaking. The spirit of the event was uplifting, even in the dense morning fog. Almost everyone wore their LC Walk t-shirts, making us a giant blur of white walking along the beach! I saw one woman's sign that showed she had lost her husband in 1999 -- I thought, how great that she's coming out here after so many years, and hope I'm doing the same.

But when I came home, the energy level dropped dramatically. The house seemed quieter and emptier than ever. The void larger than ever. Even my sweet dog seems unusually subdued. I wouldn't call it depression -- just another reality check I guess. Once again, "I can't believe I'm walking in a lung cancer walk -- and more than that, that I'm doing it because I've lost Bill to the disease. WHAT???? It can't be real." But, as so many of you know too well, it is very real indeed.

I remember telling Bill about the L.C. Walk last year. We were both going to participate this year. I know it was a great thing to do. I know he was cheering us on. BUT HE WAS SO SEVERELY ABSENT.

Ups and downs. I have a feeling they'll be around for a looooong time...

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Teri you can add checks online that will show up in your total and your scroll bar. It is in the progress section on your back end page where you first made it. You can email Beth and she can take you through it.

I didn't know you were walking, so I am sending you a donation. Not much as I sent so many but I want to do this for you and Bill.

Glad all went well but sorry about those feelings when you go home. You were on such a high being apart of this and I could only imagine how you felt when you came home and your Bill was not there.

My heart goes out to you.


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My first was also this weekend. I uinderstand what you mean. It was emotional for me also but more so while I was there I realized that these 500 people were walking to fight for a disease thast some knew of and were affected by and some not. But the end result was that they were there walking to fight a disease that took Deb from me almost 2 years ago!!

ALso got the holiday blues to compound the whole problem emotionally also. I understand your feelings and am glad you did thisin memory of Bill. Remember the sunshine and the warmth surrounding you is the love and warmth Bill has for you always..

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Congrats Teri on doing the walk. I think in a way it is good too cause you will meet others like the lady who lost her husband in '99 that have experienced what you have. I did the relay for life in May - it may have been a bit too soon after Ger's passing to get so heavily involved - but it was a good experience and I will continue to for years to come. Heather

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I am sure the walk could use volunteers to work on their committee if you are interested in doing more. These walks take a huge amount of work and commitment and you might enjoy working on it throughout the year. I am glad you had a great day and walked for Bill.


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Thank you for participating in that walk. It had to be hard so soon after losing your Bill. I am just amazed at the things you have done and the strength you have shown.

I'm afraid I have to say get used to the ups and downs. They are here to stay. I still can't talk about my mom's death 22 years ago without crying. Now this time of year approaching the 5th aniversary of Johnny's death would make me a real basket case if not for all of the wonderful friends I have made both on this board and here where I live and where I lived in French Gulch.

As they say life does go on but no one is saying that it will be easy :(

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I can so relate to what you are saying. I went to a lung cancer walk and rally through Lungevity this weekend. I definitely want to go again, but next year I hope to be able to go with a group.

I was by myself and I would have really liked the support of family and friends. I was very depressed while I was doing the walk I think because I didn't have any other support with me. I haven't been able to shake the mood, especially with the holiday coming up so hopefully after Thursday things will be better.

Connie Rausch

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