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KatieB

hardest day yet...more to come

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This entire year I said I would not have Thanksgiving...the holidays were 100% my mom....even after we lost my dad...she tried so hard to make it the "same". She spoiled us. She loved us that much.

This is my first year to "do" thanksgiving all alone. I said I wouldn't do it at all, and then on a whim I said I would and invited people so that I couldn't back out...really, my kids deserve a thanksgiving and we need to make our own traditions right?

Well, I tried out one of my moms specials recipes tonight- one that she only did on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I wanted to practice early so that I would have it "right" on Thanksgiving day...well, the entire process was devestating...I kept thinking of the 30+ years before that I sat next to my mom making this dish...how I "helped" her and watched her and how she did it all for us all these years....tonight, I did it all alone....and I cried and I couldn't stop.

Finally, after I cooked it, it tasted 99% like my moms...and that just made me even more sad.....

Its the end of being someones daughter and being a part of the celebration...it's now the beginning of being the head of the house and making of traditions.... It's the nature and cycle of life...but it stinks and it hurts...really a lot.

I just really miss my mom...and I still miss my dad so much ...and no matter what I do...I just miss them.

Thanks for letting me vent here.

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Katie I am so proud of you for deciding to make your Thanksgiving Dinner. I know it is not easy but sometimes we have to do those things for ourselves and out other loved ones. I am sure both of your parents are smiling down with pride.

Let the tears fall for they are tears of love. Your family will understand and they will be thankful to have you and all that you do for them.

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Katie

Im sure your mom would be so proud of you for continuing her traditions and passing them on to your kids. I wish I could make things easier for all of us who will be having a hard time on Thursday, all we can do is make it thru and come out the other side. My mom always said grace before dinner and I am not sure who will do it this year, she always made a truffle for dessert and there are so many other things that she used to do that we took for granted and now they will be missing cuz I cant bring myself to do them or "assign" them to someone else. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. We can all trade stories of how we made it thru on Friday and maybe we can help someone in the process.

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I am so sorry you are feeling so sad

Holidays are reminders of happy traditions with family. Once you lose your parents, there is a real pain (and I mean physical) in the heart for many years to come.

Hopefully your happy memories of your parents will help you get through the day

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Katie,

I understand that this is a tough time for you. You've suffered some horrible losses in the past few years.

But, you have a beautiful family of your own and I know that the four of you and those fortunate people you've invited to share tomorrow with will start making some great memories in your own way.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope things go well.

Cindy

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Katie, I'm so very sorry that this is breaking your heart. I wish I had a magic wand that I could just wave in your direction and make the pain go away. I', also very proud of you for getting it all together and doing dinner, just as your mom would have wanted you to do. Traditions are the one things that really makes families last forever. Just think, one day your daughter will be making that same recipe for her family. Isn't it comforting to know that generations to come will still treasure the things that made our childhood so special? Just remember that you are doing just as your mom and dad would have wanted!!! Enjoy Thanksgiving with your guests and let's all remember to say a prayer thanking God for blessing us with the people that have been in our lives.

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Katie

You said it.. it is the beginning of new things. It is not always easy but your kids will grow to cherish these things as much as you did and still do with your Mom.

Not a lot to help in that sentiment but please know you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending tons of hugs and love and support to you from Massachusetts....

Christine

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oh katie i feel so bad for you because i've been there. i thought there could be nothing worse than losing my dad at 18, then at 38 my mum was gone and it was so devastating to realize that at that point in my life i was the eldest generation of my family! i didn't want anything to go on as normal. i remember saying outloud at the moment that she died - i have no idea how to go on with life without her in it. and my brother looked at me and said, yes you do, because the perfect example is right there in front of you. his point being, that my mother did this amazing job of picking up her life when my dad died and of making everything seem like it could be normal. she had the whole family over every single Christmas after that, and my immediate family numbers in the high 20s. and she soldiered on with so much class and grace. all the while missing my father desperately. and my brother was right, she was the perfect example. not that it has been easy mind you. and your post shows me that your mother was just like mine, that she picked up and made a wonderful life even after losing your dad. she's your example. again, not that it isn't easy and won't take some time to get there, but she's the shining example of how to do it and find some comfort in the knowledge that you'll get there too. my first holidays were all about just getting through them, and i did. now i get to enjoy them again. you will one day too, but i think it is a good thing that you are going through the motions this year. just be kind to yourself and don't expect too much.

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Your parents would be so proud of you carrying on their traditions! The best way to honor them is to be the kind of parent to your kids as they were to you. I'm hoping by Thursday you will feel more peaceful about this holiday process.

Hugs!

Karen

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Hi Katie,

It is so very hard to try to go on without our loved ones and to carry on traditions without them. We recently celebrated my son's 5th birthday. My Dad was so quiet. He later sent me an e-mail saying how much he missed mom and how she was always the center of the party. This is so true. How do we go on without her this holiday season? She loved to spoil my kids and me and my siblings as well! My dad also said he was glad I was taking over that role. That made the tears flow. I kept thinking to myself that I don't want to take over the role. There is only one person that can fill that role...Mom. But, like you said we have to go on not only for our kids but for ourselves as well. They deserve to experience that same kind of love and tradition we did growing up. Eventually we will figure out our new "roles" in this life. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard.

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Katie,

I hear ya.

I was just making mom's stuffing, and I pulled the recipe a friend of her's forwarded to me. It's an e-mail and it isn't just a bag of this and a cup of that.

It's telling me to go out and get the biggest turkey because your mom loved getting the biggest turkey in the store.

And how my mom never measured anything. And how she ate turkey for days...

And I realized that every year, I'll pull out an e-mail and use it for the recipe...and although memories of mom are with me all the while on this day anyway, there it is in writing with a date stamp...the first thanksgiving without her...to be refereenced for all the rest of my thanksgivings.

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Oh Katie, I know just how you feel. The holidays can really be torture sometimes, no matter how much joy they bring. We're making Dad's famous rotisserie turkey tomorrow and I just realized that since I missed last Thanksgiving, I missed my last chance to have turkey-day turkey with my Dad. Not that any of us knew that at the time. But all of those memories keep flooding back and it gets a little overwhelming.

Hang in there. I'm glad you're honoring the traditions you and your mom created. :)

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I'm 100% with you. I've actually been told that everything Mom used to do is my job now (brothers don't think of such things)...even plan my own birthday get-together! But, like you, I do it now for my kids. Make me wonder if that is how our Moms inherited the jobs as well.

Love and hugs to you today. I know it is hard. I wish I cuold help.

Kelly

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(((Katie)))

Katie,

I've been catching up on posts because I was away at my parent's for the past few days. Your post just brought tears to my eyes.

My parents are the people who just got me through my first birthday and Thanksgiving without Bill. This Thanksgiving, you were feeling the void of missing your parents more than ever.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Hugs,

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Dear,

You did a really brave thing by hosting Thanksgiving Dinner.

It was a gift for your children they will never forget.

It is sad

It is just wrong.

But inspite of all that you did more than you had to do to make things good for others.

I admire you and am so sorry for your tears.

Love

Pat

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Oh Katie....I'm so glad you decided to have Thanksgiving for you and your family and friends. Your Mom and Dad are watching and they are so proud of you. You are a wonderful person.

Dar

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