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9 Months and where I'm at


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Once again another month has passed, now the girls and I are faced with the holidays without Carlton.

These next 3 days are extremely emotional for me, first today, tomorrow being Thanksgiving and then Friday, which would of been our 14th wedding anniversary.

I know he is gone, I feel that in my bones and soul. The girls have been wonderful, they're so strong, daddy would be so proud of them.

Mom, on the other hand, well, I'm surviving, I have to. I still cry everyday, don't ask me if or when that will stop. The reality of just living is so difficult. Financially it's so damn tough. I'm working part time like before, but my job is not stable and I'm going to attempt to do taxes once again this tax season.

Health problems seem to hit my family like the plague. Yesterday my mom found out they found a nodule on her lung, it's small, and I've read enough here about nodules and I know she is going to be fine. I myself, have to go in for a biopsy of my thyroid for some problems, well like I've been saying, just add it on...

My grandfather is in the last stages of colon cancer, I saw him this weekend, we haven't spoken in over 3 years, ( lots of issues), but I told him, I loved him, all the anger is under the bridge. I know now he knows....

But even in the sadness, there are bright spots, my girls, my oldest did her first school play, she was wonderful and now has the "acting bug". My youngest, is smart as a whip!, but she has her moments of fear about life. I just keep reassuring her, I'm here for her.

Lastly, this January, believe it or not, I'm starting law school! What have I gotten myself into!! I'm starting off part time, but still the work load will be tremendous. I'm scared as all hell, and I told everyone, I'll be crying and threatening to quit every other week. But I can't, for some reason, this is my time to do it.

I wish Carlton was here to be a part of it. He was so special, one of a kind. Like those that we have lost, he didn't deserve to die, not when he did.

I wish all of you the best, and thank all of you for "listening" to me throughout all these days, months....now years....

take care,


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Grace, it's so very good to hear from you. I know how tough the holidays can be for us and then to have a wedding anniversary at the same time...how tough. But, it sounds as if you're making lots of progress, despite the minor bumps in the road that you're feeling. I am so excited about you going to law school!!! My oldest son is an attorney and love to just sit back and watch him in action. This is such great news!!! Please know that I think of you and the girls often and wonder how you are.

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You are strong because you can find the light within the darkness. You can be honest about the struggles of life, but have a "but" that puts a smile on your face. Bless you.

HUGE congratulations on going the law school. That's amazing and wonderful. You're an inspriation.

Carlton IS so proud of you!

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