Ann Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 To All My Family and Friends: Just a note to let you know I am hoping to see you Thanksgiving Day. But.. Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes: Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the dog involved in the decorating by having her track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was her idea. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it. I hope you aren't too disappointed that Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I LOVE it!!! That's MY kind of Thanksgiving! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilyjohn Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Way to go Ann! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 You've been to one of my dinners haven't you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 I am having traditional southern!! FRIED CHICKEN MASHED POTATOES, GREEN BEANS AND A BOTTLE OF JACK DANIELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geri Posted November 21, 2007 Share Posted November 21, 2007 Randy I'm coming over, what time's dinner? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted November 22, 2007 Share Posted November 22, 2007 If I kill teh bottle I can not go to KFC for dinner!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.