People bother me!

[Nick C]

OK, so I got the "did she smoke" question...it was in doing business for the foundation. When I replied to the person, "that's not the point!" I realized my volume went up quite a bit. I still insist people don't ask the question out of blame but out of 1) making sense out of senseless cancer and 2) fear...but it still p'd me off.

Then I was speaking to someone else about if keri stops working. I was saying we'll do it and make some cutbacks...and then I got the "well your mom left you well off". OK, TACKY!!! She had assets, yes, and if they went away tomorrow and I could have her hold my daughter in February for 10 inutes...i'd do it. I always insisted mom save for retirement, so the fact that she didn't get to enjoy that nest egg and I ended up getting it is a little bit of a guilt thing for me...so again, tacky, but it also hit a pretty raw nerve.

Then, I was getting grilled about what I chose to do with mom's remains..."why don't you put her in a moseleum"..."one day you are going to die then what's going to happen to her." I WON'T CARE AND NEITHER WILL SHE. I'll leave my kids instructions on what to do with both me and her...point is, I have the ashes in a place that I want...and I am so annoyed I am being criticized for it.

Not to mention the "your mother loved that house, how could you sell it?" comments I get. What am I supposed to do with it? BRONZE IT!!!??!? She didn't love the wood, the cabinets or the vinyl siding, she loved that it was a place she could be happy and a place Keri and I could be happy too, and we were happy there because she was there.

People are stupid!

OK, thanks for the rant space.

[carolhg]

I think the holidays make you want to rant. I think it is the hurt of your loss. I lost my brother a few years ago, not to lung cancer-but when a loved one dies, it does not matter how they died it still hurts and some people are just plain insensitive. My thoughts and prayers are with you Nick.

Carol

[crystleshoe]

Nick you have every right to rant all you want. I swear its like some people speak with no brain in their head. Unless you have lost your mother you cna never fully understand the impact that has on your whole life and some people just dont get it. I hope you have a nice thanksgiving despite all the sadness in your soul.

[RandyW]

Nick if you keep it bottled up inside you will go MAD!!!!!!!!!! Vent away. understand completely and hope for a good holiday for you and the Family today....think Happy memories not sad ones, OK??

[nyka69]

Nick, I'm glad you came here to get that off your chest. It's amazing how rude and thoughtless people can be. I just don't know where people get their nerve! It's outrageous.

Yeah, some people really are stupid!

[kamataca]

I'm shaking my head right along with you. I've experienced many of your insenitivities as well. Some people are just stupid. My favorite (*ahem*) one so far was when a co-worker told me that I wasn't an emotional person, b/c I spoke at Mom's funeral. Like I'm made of stone, and wasn't fighting back everything inside of me at the time, just so I could honor Mom.

People are weird. Thank heaves we are the normal ones!

Kelly

[blueeye]

Yep, you can't fix stupid!

[Connie B]

Stupid is, what stupid does! After all the years I have dealt with lung cancer (being losing my parents & sister) doing Lung Cancer Awareness Events, and living with lung cancer, these total "idiots" still keep coming out of the woodwork with stupid remarks! Hang in there! I wish I could say it's going to get better, but........

[Dollfinn]

Hi All! On the topic of STUPID,I went back to work last month and it was horrible, it set off leg pain I cant tell you about, I crawled through a few days and am back out. My MIL says, "thats fine if you can afford it" ! I think my reaction made her wish she had never said it. I find comfort in thinking she cares to much and the set back hurt to much, they just dont know what to say. Foot in mouth disease. As for the did she smoke? Duhhh I have worked w/ surgeons in the OR in the 80'S that smoked in the OR!They dont ask fat people, does she eat donuts? urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, that felt good. Mary

[hockeyma]

I agree - the Did they smoke - question drives me up the wall. Doesn't matter either way. They aren't here - and they had cancer and we have to find a solution. Yes people are very insensitive. And people think that after a few monthes all the pain goes away. Well it doesn't and it is such an adjustment period. Everyone grieves in their own way and others should respect that. Take care,

Heather

[sharyn]

Wll Nick it sounds like you have been SURROUNDED by STUPID lately... I am sorry for that -

[J.C.]

Nick,

When asked if Mike smoked?,

I now answer........

''I got his ashes.''

and I hold the wee urn I wear on

two chains.....and finish with

''the rest is at home''.

You will hear many stupid remarks

by people, when you get the right answer

they will come with another stupid remark,

no end to it.

Jackie

[Suzie Q]

Some people know no restraint. Why would they ask or say such things? And why do they think it is any of their business?

Sometimes I just want to look at them and say, "Did you actually say that OUT LOUD?"

~Karen

[babylove91297]

LOL Suzie....maybe you should, I would love to be a fly on the wall and see the look on their face when you do.

Bobbie

[Patti B]

Nick-

I am SOOO sorry you have to put up with so many STUPID people!! Is there maybe one un-stupid person that you could have to be a moderator and ask them to please stop asking those stupid questions?? Right now, it is all about you and your family and I truly would not worry if those stupid people got their feelings hurt - look how they are making you feel.

Of course, noone ever voted me into the nice category SO I would probably post a HUGE sign on my door that says STUPID PEOPLE AND YOUR STUPID COMMENTS ARE TO LEFT AT THE DOOR!!! Or maybe a cattle prod to zap them after each stupid remark would help!!

Seriously, I do feel so sorry for you, not only for the loss of your mother but for all this you have to endure afterward. If there is anything anyone of us can do, please let us know!!

My prayers are with you!

Patti B

[janehill]

Nick, I'm so sorry for the idiocies of others, truly. But you have to remember that - it's their stupidity that's the problem.

One suggestion as a reply for all of it, "None of us are as good to our health as we should be - still don't deserve cancer - and Mom and I thoroughly discussed what she wanted done with her remains and assets and, rest assured, I have respected all of it." (oh, you can stick your tongue out at the end! )

[Nova]

I'm sorry.

I've never been able to figure some people out, or exactly which planet they come from.

I'll never forget the woman that came into my house, and said, in a VERY loud voice, (in front of Harry)~ "I know exactly how you feel. My sister died of breast cancer".

I was just a bit angry, to say the least. I told her I was sorry about her sister, but that Harry didn't have breast cancer.......

I wish they would all shut up and go away.

Say whatever you feel like saying back to them. Tell them it's none of their business. Kick 'em in the shins! Well, maybe not that one, but they need to leave you alone

I'm sorry.....

[teriw]

Nick,

You already know this -- it's them, not you.

I feel awful, but I find myself saying that all of the time. "I hate people" (okay, that's a bit much), "people are SO stupid," "everyone is an idiot."

I'm just glad to know it's not just me...

But seriously, some of those things are truly crass, insensitive and completely unnecessary. Good for you for raising your voice...how else do people know?

I started a new grief group with people I don't know. We were supposed to say how our husbands died. I said "cancer," because I was so afraid of being asked the "smoking" question and thinking I wouldn't handle it. As it turned out, they asked for more info and no one asked "the" question. How sad that we even have to think about that.

I don't know what it is, but I guess we need to rise above it and try to remember all the dumb things we've said in our past. But...don't stop raising your voice!

Hugs,