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heart broken but dont know what to say


lionking

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my mom, my best friend passed on jan 10, 2007. my dad, my champion and hero on sept 11, 2007. i am simply heart broken and cant seem to shake it. i get up, go to work, somehow get through every day. i drink too much, sleep too much, often eat too much too. i dont remember my mom and dad having such a tough time whem their parents died......i was caregiver for both of them. i still cannot believe it. i woke up b/c i heard what i thought was my dad walking....my dad had both legs amputated. am i going crazy? sometimes i can feel my mom around me, i am not really a believer in that stuff but i do feel her. i am just lost right now....the 2 of them gone, in the same year. wow they were both so tough. i miss them both terribly!

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I really feel for you. I think part of the reason you are taking it so hard is because you were their caregiver. Every minute of everyday was about them while they were sick. Even when one left you still had the other. When they were both gone you were set adrift. Not only did you loose your parents but you lost what your purpose had been for a long time. It is very hard to readjust.

I don't really know what advice to give you. If you have other family concentrate on them. I'm sure they are just as sad as you are in many ways. Take care of yourself and try to find other interests. I know it is not easy but in time it will get a little better slowly.

You had your parents all of your life. You can't expect to get past their loss in a short while. Look around you at all you do still have. Look at the beauty that God has created and look at your memories and in time you should be able to start to feel gratefulness as much as pain. I know the holidays will be hard but you can do it.

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Please consider going to counseling. You need someone to talk too! You have been through so much in one year. I know how you are feeling. With me, I lost my Dad in October of this year and I ache so bad inside. To have both gone, I am so sorry! They have counselors that specialize in the grieving and dealing with this. It can't hurt............

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Gosh - that is such a blow, I'm so sorry. That is really good advice - seeing a counselor, maybe even looking into anti depression medication. I relied on both when my mom was first diagnosed. I kind of understand what you are going through - I'm 33, and my mom's caregiver (she's 56) and my Dad is sick too, he's only 59 and has a neurological disease that is degenerative as well. I'm holding out hope, but kind of expecting the worst. We are here for you.

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Number one I am so sorry.

Your dad does walk again...he's made perfect and victorious...I know you may not believe it, but I do.

I am still lost without my mom. I remember when my father lost his dad...I don't remember too vividly his being as lost either...good parents I guess, shielding their children from the sight of pain.

I'm so sorry, but we hear you and get it.

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Boy, do we get it.

One realization I hve come to is that I not only lost my mom, but my ability to hope as well. As caregivers, we lived surrouded by the cancer, but also with the hope that we could help our loved ones--that something out there could make them better. Now that hope is gone. That's how I feel, at least.

I'm an adult oprhan too (that's what I call us...). This Chritsmas is hard. I pray we can all find the strength to get through this month. Maybe even enjoy something along the way.

Kelly

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Boy Heather you really had a lot on your shoulders with taking care of your mom and dad and them both passing the same year.

That would be too much for anyone to handle.

I wish I could do something to less your pain, but all I can say is that I really feel for you.

I could only imagine how hard the holidays are.

They are together and they are both whole, I believe that unconditionally. They just feel so bad for you and worry about you. That may be the reason you feel your mom. She will not move on it she is held back by someone grieving so much.

I know in time you will feel better. Someone on here mentioned counceling. That may be a good idea, you seem to need some help. Or maybe you can find a support group where you live.

Hang strong,

Maryanne

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First i want to say thank you all so much for your words....they do help, especially that you all 'get it'.

i feel really bad that i am not ok. things just seem so bleak right now...i have alot to be grateful for, i have the best ex husband, the best 9 year old and the best 21 year old. i try hard to remember that! And i do know it totally! but even though my conscious brain knows all this i am still so so heartbroken. i think often (every day) how tough my parents were...i just shake my head at it, about how i would talkt to them and try and cheer them on, try to infuse my strength (i used to have alot) into them to not give up. my beautiful mom was so scared of all the treatments, my hero dad went through hell for many years with type 1 diabetes. not once did they give up. i remember with my mom i almost couldnt wait for something to give, i was just so petrified. then my mom died and i was scared to be with my dad cause i was scared something would happen to him. i feel like i let them down in the time of their lives when they needed me most. even though i dont think either of them knew what i was feeling...i dealth with everything head on, was there all of the time for both of them, talked to their doctors and even worse, advised them both on treatments. i made decisons for them, i just pray pray pray that they were the right ones. i will never know, but i still wonder.

on top of everything, there is my dads estate to deal with. i took care of things for both of them, i refuse to back down on taking care of my mom and dads final things. my dad had some money so suddenly there is some distrust of me, who was good enough to do everything else. boy, that just *** me off. like i could steal from the rest of my brothers and sisters, even if i would. wow. sometimes i feel like just saying screw it, but i know my dad counted on me. i am so close to it though, but dont want to let him down. all over the almighty friggin dollar, which to me is not even the point!

i called the pastor of my past church today, he is going to call me tomorrow. i think i am at the point where i need something outside. i really dont have any friends, like alot of people on here, friends dont like it too much when you are sad, depressed, and cant be the 'old you'. i am not the old me anymore. i would love to be, but i am sad, dammit, and i cant help it.

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Heather - I am so glad you are going to talk to your pastor. You need someone to talk to - you have been through an unimaginable year of pain and I hate to see you beat yourself up. We are all human, and sometimes we can only take so much. Feeling that pain is what MAKES us human, and you obviously had great love for your mom and dad and took amazing care of them.

Please keep checking in...

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