missyk Posted December 8, 2007 Share Posted December 8, 2007 It's been very hard for me as the holidays have come on...I think of Mom every single day and most of the days that brings tears. Not always sad tears...some are those sweet ones where the memory that preceeded them just makes me smile so big. But then I realize how much I really *do* miss her and the reality that I'm not going to get to see her again here on earth hits home. But I'm trying and I get up out of bed each day and am thankful for a little baby that makes it necessary for me to do so or I really think I just wouldn't on a lot of days. Between Mom dying and Xavier's problems it's put a *huge* strain on my marriage...hubs and I fight most evenings when he gets home from work now-a-days. I'll be thankful when that finally blows over as I know it will. He's just worn out from my emotions, too..and he's working 7 days a week right now so I can stay home with the baby. Speaking of the lil guy...I put his newest picture up down there so everyone can see that cheesy grin he blesses me with on the worst of my days. He's doing really well, gaining weight and catching up to his peers. I feel badly for him as he gets the Synagis shot each month to help prevent RSV (that attacks the lungs and his aren't strong enough yet to withstand a battle like that) PLUS he has his regular immunizations...there are days I'm sure he feels like a pin cushion! Those are the days I know Mom's holding him and saying "I know EXACTLY what you're going through!!" I'm lucky, though...I've finally started to talk to Mom in my dreams and it comforts me. I don't wake up crying but smiling, knowing that she came to see me when I needed her. I'm around, checking in, keeping track and always praying... It's just hard to miss her so much and be here where we once were together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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