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I'm Around Some


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It's been very hard for me as the holidays have come on...I think of Mom every single day and most of the days that brings tears. Not always sad tears...some are those sweet ones where the memory that preceeded them just makes me smile so big. But then I realize how much I really *do* miss her and the reality that I'm not going to get to see her again here on earth hits home. :cry: But I'm trying and I get up out of bed each day and am thankful for a little baby that makes it necessary for me to do so or I really think I just wouldn't on a lot of days.

Between Mom dying and Xavier's problems it's put a *huge* strain on my marriage...hubs and I fight most evenings when he gets home from work now-a-days. I'll be thankful when that finally blows over as I know it will. He's just worn out from my emotions, too..and he's working 7 days a week right now so I can stay home with the baby.

Speaking of the lil guy...I put his newest picture up down there so everyone can see that cheesy grin he blesses me with on the worst of my days. He's doing really well, gaining weight and catching up to his peers. I feel badly for him as he gets the Synagis shot each month to help prevent RSV (that attacks the lungs and his aren't strong enough yet to withstand a battle like that) PLUS he has his regular immunizations...there are days I'm sure he feels like a pin cushion! Those are the days I know Mom's holding him and saying "I know EXACTLY what you're going through!!"

I'm lucky, though...I've finally started to talk to Mom in my dreams and it comforts me. I don't wake up crying but smiling, knowing that she came to see me when I needed her.

I'm around, checking in, keeping track and always praying...

It's just hard to miss her so much and be here where we once were together.

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Oh my God, Missy..................

What a beautiful child.

I can just feel the love.

Oh, honey I am so sorry that you have such a mix of emotions.

I am just so very sorry, but yet,heppy for you to have Xavier.

Hug hubby for me, I am sure things will even out w/ some time and peace.

Much love, dear.


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Oh Missy, he is sooooo sweet. He must really make your day with the adorable smile.

I'm sorry for what you are going through, this being the first holidays without your mom and the problems with your spouse. I pray that blows over as that would make life much simpler for you.

I'm also glad your mom comes to you in your dreams. You are very lucky as that is a sign that she is doing well. So many people would love to have their love ones come to them in their dreams.

Take care be strong. You will get through these holidays. You have that precious little son with that sunny smile to help you.

Takc care sweetie... thanks for stopping by to let us see your pretty face along with your Xavier's.

We miss you on here. But understand why you don't post as much.

Just check in from time to time to let us know how you are doing.

Maryanne :wink:

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Ok, Missy, I admit it. I've fallen in love with your son!

Just a thought...think about only having him receive two shots at a time. That way, if he does have a reaction, it will be easier to figure out which one may be the culprit. A dose of tylenol or Motrin 30 minutes before heading for the dr office for shots always seemed to help my girls tolerate it better.

Hoping for peace for you,


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I've been thinking about you a lot. Glad you reported in!

I'm with you. We were having a cheesy staff meting the other day, and my principal went around the room asking what we all wanted for Christmas. Here I am blessed with healthy kids and a supportive (though currently unemployed) husband, and all I can think is, "I want my Mommy." I couldn't answer the question and almost started crying in the middle of the meeting...had to leave the room for a minute.

So glad you have wonderful Mr. X to smile at you when you need it most. Hugs and love coming your way from OK.


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Hey Missy,

It is so good to see "your face"!!! I know this time of year basically is not the way it "use to be"... nothing is... it is actually almost frightening when I think about how the loss of a parent can change us so deeply.

I am sorry you and your husband are having difficulties... I know when there is stress with one of our children (who are now 28, 20 and 19) my husband and I still quarrell amongst ourselves. I wish I knew why that was...I wish I could tell you how to stop it from happening :cry:. My belief is that your husband is taking out his frustrations on the only person he feels "safe" enough to do it with... and thats you. Is it fair ? NOPE but I think sometimes when guys get scared, it is easier for them to turn into "bullies" instead of actually dealing with their emotions.

Now, as far as that little Xavier goes.... I happen to have an adorable grandson, BUT... I think your son may have just knocked him out of first place!!!

He is so beautiful Missy. And that smile just lights up my heart, as I am sure it does yours. I work in a pediataricians office, so I am really familiar with Synagis and as much as you hate giving that little guy his shots, they are so very important for him - I will be praying for you... Keep your chin up and if you ever need to talk, I am here. Love, Sharon

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Missy, you are so brave. And Xavier positively glows, you can see it in the picture. What a gift - don't think for a minute your mom didn't have something to do with him. I believe with my whole heart that my Conor was sent to me for a reason. I'm sorry you are going through medical issues with him, and yes, it is so hard when you are staying home and your husband is working long hours, the baby is sick and you just miss your mom. It shows such depth and maturity to acknowledge the stuff with your husband will blow over - I have learned that marriage really is a rollercoaster, and you guys are under a ton of pressure right now to boot.

Hang in there, you are awesome...

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