kamataca Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Mom's mail is forwarded to me. I don't get as much as I used to (the offers for life insurance stab at my dark humor). Friday a Christmas card was delivered for her. It was from a friend who called her quite often when she lived here, but who moved to CO last summer and had been wrapped up in the move. It was a lovely card, filled with hand-written sentiments, checking in on her to see how she was doing. So how do I respond? "Thank you for being a good friend to Mom. I'm sorry to tell you she died last May"? Honestly I threw it in the Christmas card basket, waiting for my DH to come home and help me deal with it. Due to our lovely winter storm here, his flight has been delayed for the past two days. It's like it is sitting there, daring me to do something, taunting me. Maybe I'm just going stir crazy with all the ice. I just don't know what to do. I hate that I have to do anything. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Kelly: your mother's 'friend' (and I use the term loosely) may not have contacted her since for some time, but you should take the high road and simply send her a note to let her know that your dear mother has passed and let her know the date she passed. If the 'friend' feels any remorse at the news it will be her problem and not yours. wendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Do you have one of the little Folder/order of service cards from your Mom's funeral, or an extra copy of the obituary? Maybe you could slip that in, write, "Thank you for being a good friend to Mom. Wishing you a Merry Christmas." And be done with it???? That would he a hard one... P.S. The Life Insurace offers always appealed to my dark humor too (and would have to Mom's). I also got a strange bit of satisfaction anytime a telemarketer called asking for her and I said, "She died." Loved the silence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrea Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I would just do a little note wishing her a healthy new year and thankiing her for the card and i nforming her that your mom passed. Thinking of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cat127 Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 a couple weeks after my mother died, she got a survey form from her primary care's office (he was a childhood friend of mine and his mother and mine were great friends). the survey asked her to rate how she liked her service. i called the office and told them that other than that whole dying part, it was topnotch. then i ripped into them for not being updated in their database and that if it had been one of my brothers, who were not doing as well as i was, that it would have been far worse. my friend's sister told me to not be surprised if mum also got a Christmas card from them (she died in september), as the same thing had happened to their sister's father in law. that didn't happen, i think they quickly removed her name from their database. i don't blame my friend, i love him as a dr, but his office staff leaves much to be desired. i like the idea of sending a nice note with either a copy of the obit or a prayer card. that would be nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muriel Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 Well, relax. If your hubby can't get into OK, I'll bet mail can't get out yet. So you have a little time to think about it. I'd send her a Christmas card and include a note re: your Mother. Might also include a folder, "prayer card," or copy of the obit. Muriel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patkid Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 I love our Val's input. She is so loving and smart. That one gets my vote. I still get cards/notices and calls from Brian's car buddies. He had a classic '56 Chevy and they still try to contact him to enter one show or another.......... It is so hard, honey, I know. Hugs P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted December 11, 2007 Share Posted December 11, 2007 When John's mother passed away, his sister went through her address book and notified everyone of her death. She wrote a form letter saying she was sorry she couldn't write everyone individually but wanted to let people know her mom had passed away. Maybe you could just send some type of note saying you are sorry you didn't notify her earlier? I am betting you will get more cards soon from others that live out of state. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Kelly, I also got a Christmas card forwarded to me the year mom passed. Though she had passed in April, and most everyone should have known about it, this was one of those long-time, out of state friends that you only hear from once or twice a year. I did send a memorial card and "Life Story" folder which the funeral home had done up. They responded with a lovely letter, which shared a nice history of their friendship and a memory or two. I am so glad I did respond. I even got an unexpected gift - learning something about my parents that i had not previously known! Hope your DH is home soon! ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 Please don't judge the friend for not contacting her sooner. I know I have several friends that I basically only communicate with a letter every year around Christmastime, and I'm sure there will be more as I get older. I look forward to, and appreciate, our yearly communications...yet there are 'friends' who simply dropped off the face of this earth whom I never hear from. I think I would have been more in touch if I knew one of my yearly friends were sick, but I can also relate to getting caught up in my own hectic life. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, the others have offered some good suggestions. I hope your hubby is home by now and you are feeling up to responding to your mother's friend. Hang in there! Hugs! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredmom959 Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 I wouldn't blame the card sender either. No matter how we try to remember to notify everyone, and it's in local papers, there's always an out-of-touch, out-of-the-area friend or acquaintance who just doesn't know. I just got a card from my husband's childhood friend who lives about 6 hours away now and has no relatives or friends around where we live. He asked me how my mom was doing...it's not his fault that he didn't know she passed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted December 12, 2007 Author Share Posted December 12, 2007 Thanks so much for all of your good ideas! I know I can always count on you. I hope it didn't sound like I was irritated with this lady. I have some folks I only check in with yearly as well-but I love keeping up in that way at least. I was more afraid of how to word my response to her, because this will probably be a bit of a shock for her. Thanks so much for all of your help! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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