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And so this is Christmas...


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What have you done?

I drank a beer. I broke down in my best and one of my oldest friends bathroom and she came in and told me I have to "move on" for my daughter. I composed myself and told her Mom we were going to the cemetary. In her best english voice (she's Japanese) she said "Cemetary, why cemetary?" I told her it was because I wanted to light a candle there for my Dad. She said "No, Sheri, you have to move on, you drank a beer, no more beer".

Perfect. I don't drink beer and I won't miss my Dad on Christmas, how easy can that be? I didn't drink any more beer, went to my Dad's forgotten resting place, pressed my footprints in the virgin snow and lit a candle and balled my eyes out.

We haven't had snow in this part of Michigan in two weeks. I asked my daughter if we should stop at Papa's house and she gave me an adamant negative headshake. I asked why and she said because the stepmother would have her family there and they were probably having a good time.

I'm having a hard time wrapping myself around this. As some of you may recall, I was locked out of my childhood home a week after my Dad died. Two weeks after he died, I put to sleep and buried his 14 year old mutt (who I gave to my Dad and cared for). The day I buried Bear, I learned my Uncle acquired Dad's home by default, he co-signed for a re-fi 15 years earlier. I knew about that loan, but my Dad had since refinanced and added my Stepmother to the house without the Uncles consent, so we thought he was long out of the picture. Before my Dad died, he wanted to add me to the house also and the stepmother agreed. If my Dad had any knowledge his brother was still on the house, I would have known.

The stepmother is now sucking up to my Uncle so she can retain her lifestyle and my sister and I are the evil stepchildren. Everything I acquired during childhood is in that house. My bike, my yearbooks, my diploma, my high school notes and clothes and most importantly, my Dad's stuff. I'd love to pick up one of his shirts and just smell it. I miss him so much.

I think I'll just have a beer. :cry:

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Got up Drank a Beer and a shot poured a Little For my Homies. DEb and Daisy. went to the cemetary to put Poinsetta out for Xmas week CAme home and went to mom and dads. Drank another beer and Couple of glasses of wine. WIsh i could Give Ya a Big HUG Sheri((((((((((Sheri))))))))))))))))

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Thanks everyone. I know you are all hurting also and I hope the day passed with ease.

I just wanted to add that when I went back to my best friends house and her mother was trying to comfort me, I asked her "would you want

Theresa to forget about you on Christmas and move on after four months?". She said no. I may have been a bit blunt to a second mother I've known for over 20 years but I'm tired of people telling me to get over it and move on. How can I move out of a 40 year stint with my Dad in 4 months or 4 years? I can't.

A note to all lung cancer survivors and anyone reading this:

My Dad never thought he would die. I don't think I'll die. Please make your wishes known on paper so you don't leave more hardship than death on your loved ones. Your absence will be devastating enough. Make provisions for everything you love and hold dear.

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