teriw Posted January 9, 2008 Share Posted January 9, 2008 Last night I had a restless night with little or no sleep, until this morning when I had a vivid dream. It's not the first time I've had a dream like this, but it's been a while. Bill and I were in some kind of semi-separation. It was his choice. Coming and going. In the dream I'm hurt and angry and not understanding. I never get a good answer back from him. Then in a fit of accusations I say something like, "I don't think you would take care of me if I ever got sick." And then he went silent. I wake up briefly then fall back into the dream. We're driving in the car. He looks at me like he's really annoyed or possibly hurt, and says, "I can't believe you think I wouldn't help you if you were sick." Something like that. I wake up for good. At this moment, I'm still upset and very unsettled by it. I watched 4 episodes of Grey's Anatomy last night. I think partly because of the hospital scenes, I went to bed obsessing about things that happened in Bill's last days. Things I regret or wish were done different. Those "if onlys." I think I'll forget about hospital shows for a while. I remember Katie's post about what dreams mean. I wonder if this dream means that I'm angry at Bill for leaving. I know it's very common, but I've never consciously felt that. Particularly as I'm right on the cusp of having to take another big step (finances and new work) that just accentuates his absence. Or maybe it's me I'm angry at. I don't know. This morning I have a breakfast with two women from one of my grief groups (the one I've only been to twice). I'm glad I have that to go to. Anyone have similar experiences? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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