So frustrating

[gchang817]

Posting this here because i figure some of you might "get it".

I am impressed and in awe of those who seek treatment and push on through thick and thin.

My father was diagnosed in June of 2007 and the lung cancer was caught early but was told that it was inoperable due to location. It was also inoperable because he had previous metastatic prostate cancer.

I regret in a lot of ways not asking for a second opinion at that time, but now im trying to deal with his current situation.

He had his last infusion of Cisplatin Gemzar on December 17 and was sent to the hospital later on in the week due to low blood pressure and high pulse. Spent about 3 days in the hospital.

The next week on a visit to the oncologist they pulled me aside and told me that my father probably had only weeks to live and that she would no longer give him anymore treatments because he was too weak.

Now it has been about a month since then and he has been improving, i am sure that it has a lot to do with the fact that he has been off the chemo for awhile. He has gained weight and is in a generally better mood.

The whole thing is i dont know if he wants to fight anymore. He is tired of the scans and is thinking that he is feeling better and thats ok. Its just so hard, and i feel like the onc. put me in a bad position by telling me the prognosis and telling me they were not going to do anymore treatments, but did not tell my father. The oncologist says that he doesnt believe that my father could handle it mentally; that he would breakdown. He says he is willing to fight but his actions do not always mirror his attitude. I dont want to bully him or threaten him that if there is no treatment that the cancer would grow uncontrolled. He had a case of edema this week and refuses to goto the doctor early, he just wants to wait until our appointment next week.

I tried to reccomend tarceva to the oncologist and dad when we had our last appointment, but the oncologist just wrote it off as the fact that i could not accept the fact that my father was dying and there was nothing they could do about it. My father trusts the oncologist because she has helped him through prostate cancer stage 4, and he has been a survivor for 5 years.

It just so frustrating waiting for the shoe to drop. Waiting until my father spirals down. I am so caught up in the daily care for my father its hard to find the right doctor for a second opionion and i dont want to choose a doctor that would just make the situation worse.

Thank you for reading this long post and allowing me to vent a little bit. Its just so confusing to know where my place is. My dad relies on me a lot for care and help guide him through the treatments. We are an immigrant family where i grew up in the states and i guess sometimes is difficult to communicate through our cultural differences. Its such a difficult balance between hope and devastation. I know that there is always hope that my father's body can push through and fight this on its own, but reading the stories on here i do not believe that it is enough.

[blueeye]

Mike, let me first say that I'm sorry you are in the middle of all of this. And I mean ALL of what this horrible disease brings.

I personally think that it's wrong for the doc to not tell your Dad. Maybe your Dad knows? My Mom kept putting off the last treatments...did she know how bad her cancer was? Some people think that she did and was protecting ME. Maybe your Dad really knows, but is too scared to have it confirmed verbally by the doc. The oncologist certainly didn't tell us how bad it was until right before she died. But she was in charge until then and told me not to pester them about the pain she was in, only about the levels of heart meds and edema and low BP and high pulse also.

I regret not having a heart to heart with my Mom in those final weeks. I was so worried about helping her through the pain and getting the heart meds right and she was dehydrated and needed fluids and frankly I was afraid to sit down with her and ask her what was going on. Do you think that you could just ask your Dad how he feels about additional treatments? I think if Mom had told me "no more" I would have been more comfortable and we could have made plans to have her more comfortable. Not knowing is so frusterating. My thoughts go out to you--I understand.

[sharyn]

I would say run to another oncologist for a second opinion. It seems this man is too willing to "write your father off".... and I have a major problem with that....

When your Doc told you they were going to stop treatments did they scan Dad again? Did the Chemo have any effect on the cancer or were they just stopping treatments because Dad was so sick with the Chemo??? That is an important question...

[gchang817]

"sharyn"]I would say run to another oncologist for a second opinion. It seems this man is too willing to "write your father off".... and I have a major problem with that....

When your Doc told you they were going to stop treatments did they scan Dad again? Did the Chemo have any effect on the cancer or were they just stopping treatments because Dad was so sick with the Chemo??? That is an important question...

His cbc levels were low, even after two weeks of procrit and his platelets were very low as well and continue to remain low. He is just tired and no longer wants to see any doctors. I just dont know if he fully comprehends what is happening. It is difficult to talk to him about the issue because he hates going to get scans and that he is tired of it. I just dont know if he knows the serious of the matter or if he is just avoiding it.