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Oh, Mom...


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Two years ago, right about this time, the phone rang and woke us from a sound sleep. Before I opened my eyes I knew what it was. "She's...not responding. Please come here."

Tonight, the rest of the family is asleep. I am wide awake, shaking...it's silly, I know, but I just can't stop thinking about how you died...and the fact that I wasn't there. Ian sleeps soundly in his crib. Two years ago he wouldn't have been born for three more weeks. Mikkel and Saoirse are growing so quickly. Our family dynamics have changed so drastically. New home...new job...new baby...no Mom.

Mom, in so many ways I miss you much more now than one year ago. My body aches for you. I am struggling through many days. I know I should be happy; you were so proud of our family. I am trying to get there but it's so very hard!

My wonderful, beautiful Mom. I wish you a happy anniversary.

Love, your Baby Girl.

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Oh Erin, all the things you mention ~ the new home, new job, new baby ~ are all things that most likely make you feel even more removed from your wonderful mom. She's part of it, you know? She had her hand in all of it......to ensure things were going just the way she wanted for you and your family. I sincerely believe things like that. Those kinds of thoughts have gotten me through lots over the years.

You probably think you aren't doing too well. I bet you are doing better than what you think. She is 'ALWAYS' with you. Since meeting you, I do know how very special and sensitive a young lady you are. You were so blessed to have such a mother and she was so blessed to have you.

Thinking of you, Erin.


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Erin - 13 years ago this week I lost my Mom to cancer (pancreatic) at the age of 61- I had 3 little ones at the time like you do. I know how you feel. It does get easier - I promise. There will always be sad days - especially around this anniversary. But, the sad memories will fade and the happy ones will come back. I truly believe that mom has been watching and delighting in her grandchildren as they grow and that she is with me now as I go through this new journey. Enjoy life while you are here and rejoice in knowing that you will see her again someday. Peace to you

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