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I know it has been too long since I have been here. I lurk now and then but really I have found it hurts too much to write out anything anymore, until today of course.

Today I opened a big black garbage bag that I retrieved from my step dad. It has been riding around in the back of the Suburban for a couple of weeks now, kind of haunting me. When I picked it up, he also gave me the paperwork for the storage unit that contains the remains of all that was my Mother (material things at least. Of course her clothes were gone, I was forced to do that just after she died but now I have everything in a big cold closet across town for only $113 a month.

He has moved on into a completely new life complete with a wife, a teenage son and 2 more grown sons and a grandchild.

He doesn't even want the pictures.

ANYWAY, back to the bag. In it is the 3 memory boards from the funeral. Opening the bag was like sitting down at their dining room table, the house still smelling and feeling like her, to sort through and try to sum her up in 100 pictures or less, while still trying to process the fact that I will never lay eyes on her, hear her, smell her or ask her or show her or tell her anything ever again.

Almost two years later I am again brought to my knees.

It never ends does it?

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I am so sorry Kim that you had to go through that pain. I think that would have brought anyone to their knees. It certainly would have brought me down.

I remember all you went through and everything you did for you mom. You were such a incredible, caring wonderful daughter and I know how much you loved your mom.

I just want you to know that when you revealed what was in that bag my heart broke for you.

I'm so sorry Kim.

Maryanne :cry:

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Kim -

I can only say that I am sorry that you have to go thru this - and I know that's not enough to make you feel better. Wish there was something else I could do.

Please know that your mom is looking down on you, still loving you and feeling blessed to have had you as a daughter.

Many hugs - Patti B.

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  • 2 weeks later...


I'm sorry this reply is late - somehow I missed your post...

I just want to give you a big hug, I cannot imagine the pain you are in. My dad is just starting down that road and it hurts bad enough now. I think about you often and wonder how you are doing.

I don't know what else to say, I know opening that bag of memories is like torture, I know...

I'm so sorry, it just sucks - wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and sending you cyberhugs.

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Oh Kim, you have already been through so much. You really didn't need this right now! I can give you a bit of advice about the storage unit. Try and sort through your Mom's things as soon as you feel up to it. It doesn't get any easier and the money you will spend on storage can become outrageous. When Dennis died, we emptied his business into a storage unit. Then, as I could let go of things of his from home, I would take them to the storage unit. I think not seeing them and not going to the storage unit was just a way of keeping all the pain in reserve. Like you, I was paying a lot of money each month ($150.00). When I was laid off and forced to cut back on expenses, I realized I had to empty this storage unit. All of the "things" that Dennis loved were there and it was so hard to load them up, decide what to save and what to sell/give away. I think that has been a big part of my depression fro the last month. But...as of last week, we have everything out of storage. I have sold a lot of things, like tools, that the boys didn't want and have kept a few things for myself. I can tell you that I feel much better that this is done. I just can't believe I have spent all of this money for five years in order to escape reality!!!

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