Valentine's Day Vent

[teriw]

I was debating about whether to bring this up. It's bugging me. I've already ranted to two good friends about it.

I received a Valentine's Day card in the mail yesterday signed "Admirer." It had hearts and X's on the cover. I can't being to say how angry it made me. The more time went by, the angrier I got. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't read. I couldn't watch T.V. I really don't know who it's from. I can think of remote possibilities, but no one that really stands out. No one who actually knows me would do that. As I'm still not working, I'm not really around many single men.

I've had mixed reactions. My close friend and neighbor reacted just like I did -- stalker! A couple other people just thought it was someone harmlessly trying to be sweet. I don't think so, or they would have written something friendly and signed their name. "Admirer" indicates romance, and I just lost my husband 7 months ago and haven't given anyone any ideas that I want romance.

It's my first Valentine's Day without Bill. I feel like my space was invaded.

Please someone tell me you've dealt with something similar!

Then -- I hate not knowing. But if I do know, then I hate the idea of dealing with that.

You know what I hate the most (apart from Bill being gone)? That anyone looks at me as "single."

Am I blowing this into something it's not? (Probably...)

Sorry for the Valentine's vent!

[teriw]

"KatieB"]....hello...is this high school?

Perfect response, Katie, and it made me laugh. Except I was thinking 6th grade.

Your mom's story applies absolutely - thank you for sharing that. And in her own home! I can get mad for her just imagining it!!!

And there's that "newly alone in your house" thing too. I'm not someone who ever gets scared at home (living with a giant great dane probably helps). But you would think that element might occur to someone of my age -- geez.

OK, obviously this is one of those areas where my experience has made me LESS tolerant.

[Ry]

Terri~

That is very bizarre. It is going to drive you nuts till you figure out who it is. Maybe you could have the envelope tested for DNA? I don't know what is wrong with people. Here's my bizarre story- a friend of mine had a Christmas party and I went. There was a mix of couples and some single people. One of the women decided to announce that I had lost my husband recently (you could have heard a pin drop) so everyone was aware that I was recently widowed. I went to the kitchen to get a beer and one of the husbands followed me in and was completely inappropriate (ok disgusting is the word). I was so shocked-- I couldn't even muster up a reply, I just walked out. Later, I was so mad-- like what the hell was he thinking? I told my friend that hosted the party and she was as disgusted as I was and then we had a good laugh over it....but really. What was he thinking?

[shineladysue]

Teri,

My first reaction was that if it had happened to me I would be scared. I just can't imagine a friend, even one with very poor judgment, doing that. It sounds like someone has their eye on you. NOt trying to scare you, but I would be unnerved no end... I would be paying attention to anyone who is paying special attention to you. Let us know if you figure this out. In the meantime, keep your eyes open.

Sue

[Welthy]

Well Sherlock, this one has me scratching my head.

At first blush I thought it was just someone (family member or friend) who wanted to make you feel good that you were remembered on Valentine's Day. Then, the more I thought about your post, the weirdness set in. Did the person draw the hearts and X's?? Rather sophomoric, isn't it? Yes, this will be on your mind and, thanks so much to the idiot, whatever they were thinking, to give you just that little bit more on your plate. I'm sorry Teri -- odds are you'll never find out. It rankles me though. I dearly hope it was a well-intentioned person who wasn't thinking about the repercussions.

I'm on board with the whole "approach me and I feel creepy" thing. My SIL has concluded that this one guy at a restaurant that Tony and I frequented is trying to hit on me. Eeewwww... My family doesn't "get it" that it makes me feel repulsed like I've just been told I've got crabs or something.

Maybe we need to buy bulk quantities of those widow T-shirts to let it be known that we are not approachable. I'm thinking that a tattoo on my forehead might be in my future. Maybe a neon sign that blinks saying "Tony was IT for me!"

Rochelle, I have to say that would have really stuck in my craw what happened to you. Hell, I won't even sit on the same side of the booth when I get together for dinner with a group of our friends, one of whom is our best friend whose wife died before Tony. My girlfriend makes sure she sits opposite her husband to force the seating issue. I'm glad someone "gets it."

Sorry Teri. If you need a pit-bull around the house, just give me a holler and I'll be there.

Debi

[sharyn]

Teri,

I can totally undestand your disgust, anger etc.

This was a horrible thing to do to a newly single woman who lives alone and HELLOOOOOOO doesn't need or want a "secret admirer"...

I would be very spooked by the whole thing... I hope that whomever made the gesture did it for the "right" reasons and you find out who it was so you can put your mind to rest...

As if grief isn't enough then you have to deal with idiots like this... unbelievable...

[blueeye]

Ewwww...creepy. Just reinforces my new mantra that people suck.

[AndyT]

Teri,

I debated about replying, but decided I'd throw this out there.

I was very worried about my Mom spending her first Valentines Day alone. I couldn't find the "right" thing to do, so I left it with a simple call. However I believe most people are honestly concerned how someone will deal with their first Valentine's Day without that special person. And many will try to do whatever to make our loved ones day a little easier.

I personally would have never even thought "Stalker" when reading Admirer. Maybe that's because I'm a man, live in a low crime area, I'm a little "dense" or a combination of them all. I just honestly would never have thought that, however after reading all your posts I can see how someone could (and probably should) feel that way. Kind of sad our world has come to that, but it is a reality we must all live in.

I hope and want to believe the card was sent by a well meaning but misguided person. I believe if you make it known how concerned you are; the person(s) that sent it will let you know it was meant to know you are not forgotten on V-day, not to scare the heck out of you.

Andy

[teriw]

You all made me feel better knowing that I wasn't over-reacting!

Rochelle -- I keep seeing scenes like that in movies and T.V. shows, and I'm so sad to know there is a reason why people write about it -- because it happens! It's bizarre. I'm so sorry that happened to you. But I'm glad you can laugh about it.

I haven't had anything like that happen to me in person. I had one newly single male friend (couple friends that got divorced) always trying to ask me to do stuff at first, and I finally explained to him that I wasn't ready to be out with another man even "just as friends." He understood and backed off.

Thanks for making me feel "normal." I'm really not scared (again, GIANT great dane is a good thing!).

Debi -- no, the hearts and X's weren't hand drawn, just a graphic on the card. The heart on the inside next to the date was hand drawn. Yes, I know I'm over-analyzing the details!

(Andy, you very well may be right. It may have come from good intentions -- I suspect it probably did -- but it was still inappropriate under the circumstances. Again, if a name was signed, totally different. My good friend's husband reacted just as you did, but then upon thinking about it more, realized why we felt the way we did. I'm glad you offered your viewpoint.)

[Connie B]

It could be someone from this Board. You have been an inspirations to some of the members here. Maybe you said something one time or another or touched someones heart at one time, and this is there way of letting you know someone "admires" you??

Stranger things have happened!

Haven't got a clue here, but I'm just trying to cover all bases and reaching for any kind of answer for you. We just NEVER KNOW!!

It's not something I would ever do to someone, but that's just me.........

[AndyT]

Agreed, just never thought about it in that way until I read all your posts. Also glad to hear that there is at least one other dense man out there.

[Kasey]

I agree with everybody and their take on tis situation. Might I add one more comment......why the men may be viewing this in a totally different way. As women, we are much more vulnerable than men are. I don't think men actually take time to think how scary such a thing would make a woman by herself (or ANy woman, for that matter) feel.

So, Teri, it perhaps COULD have been from a woman friend feeling so guilty she was NOT alone while you were ~ and didn't think the whole thing through OR maybe a gentleman (and I do mean GENTLEMAN) 'friend' wanting you to feel not so all alone. Either way, I would have been scared a bit too. Hope you can get the answer so you can let all of us know as well.

Kasey