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Full circle...


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What SarahUK said about "How does life go on?" really got me thinking....

A year and a half ago the center of our family, the reason for our existence, the anchor in our worlds, the love of our lives, our MOM...she left this world. Life stopped for all of us.

Yet...I cannot believe the things that have happened since then...and the hand that my mom had in many of these events. I gave birth to my beautiful son, who came as a bit of a surprise after a few failed pregnancies and no plans for more. He came into being soon after my mom was diagnosed, and lived inside me during the most physically and emotionally devastating time of my life. Yet here he is, he made it. I believe he is a gift from my mom, from God...as someone here said, God sent me this baby because he knew he was going to take Mom...

My sister Deb, who has been a single mom for 16 years and still was when my mom died a year and a half ago...since then she has fallen in love, gotten married and had a baby girl. The guy she married is a friend of my parents that has a lake house up the road from my mom's lake house. He and his twin brother were long-time bachelors that loved my parents, and my mom was always said that my sister should end up with him, he was perfect for her. Every summer when my sister was vacationing up there, my mom would encourage her to hang out with him, etc...my mom was so funny. Well, when my mom was sick, my sister and this guy corresponded as friends about Mom's illness, and after the funeral it quickly turned romantic...they married less than a year after we lost Mom, and Deb just gave birth to a beautiful little girl, whose middle name is Dianne, like my mom. My mother would be THRILLED, this is all she wanted for Deb and more. I know how much it hurts my sister that she is not here to see it.

All in all, amongst the kids and grandkids, we've had two engagements, two weddings, one high school graduation, two college graduations and two babies. In only a year and a half. All since that lifechanging day in July 2006.

So yeah, I guess life does go on...even if it feels like we are going through the motions sometimes...I try to remember that my mom would want us to go on and live our lives, this is what she prepared us to do our whole lives, to be as strong as she was...but I don't think I am. Watching my sister holding her newborn baby in the hospital made me so happy, but it made me want to pound on the wall and scream at the same time.

To top off the "full circle" theme, my sister had her baby in the same hospital my mom was in when she was sick. I thought it would be really hard, but the maternity floor is a much happier place than the cancer floor. While my sister was in labor I went out to the little garden where I had run to a year and a half earlier after hearing my mom was going to hospice. I sat on the stone bench and thought about those moments, how utterly life destroying they were...but I didn't cry. I thought about how my mom was always so thrilled when they played Brahm's Lullaby over the loudspeaker in the hospital b/c another baby was born. That's what it's all about, right? The circle of life....and here I was witnessing it firsthand. I sat there and talked to Mom for a while, thanked her for all the gifts she had given us and went back inside to wait for my beautiful niece to enter his world....

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Michelle, hugs to you. That was beautiful and gave me chills. Congratulations on your new neice!

So yeah, I guess life does go on...even if it feels like we are going through the motions sometimes...I try to remember that my mom would want us to go on and live our lives, this is what she prepared us to do our whole lives, to be as strong as she was..

I have my moments when I KNOW what you said is true...just can't do anything about it. :(

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Thanks so much for the inspiration. It has only been 5 weeks since we lost my Dad, but your family's story is very hopeful.

My wife had 2 failed pregnancies over the past year and now we are being blessed w/twins. They are my first, so having dad there would have been my proudest moment. Unfortunately that wasn't in the cards for us either. A close friend of mine told me that we are being given the twins because Dad had to leave. So it's nice to hear the thought again.

In the 5 short weeks we have already seen things beginning to move on. Thank you for the hope! Andy

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