hawkeye Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 My brother has to leave to go back to Ohio at 3AM. This will be the first time I will be in the house alone and I feel so lost. I have not heard from any of Mary's family except for Robbie (son). I just have so many conflicting feelings. I did call her sister Nancy and felt mixed feelings (the being polite type)from her. I also called her brother Jimmy. I do expect to keep in contact with Jimmy but I don't get the same feeling with the rest of the family. However Mary did have problems with several of them in her lifetime. Anyway I got to get busy doing something cause when I'm not doing anything it hurts too much. Peace out hawkeye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I am sorry-- I know it's hard. Just keep trying to keep busy and fill the time. It does help to keep your mind off things. I find my hardest times are when I am home alone. It does get better with the passing of time. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'm sorry, Hawkeye. You've had a terrible loss. You hang in there and know that you have friends here. Mary Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyr Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I know it must be so hard for you, but you have friends and support here. Lean on us when you need us. God Bless wsendyr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjolaw Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Know that you are in our hearts. I will pray for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbb Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'm so sorry for what you have to go through. The week my family left was the worst. The house felt cold and empty. I would have excuses to go to town and called my family alot. Each week it was a bit easier. Now home is a comfortable refuge. My heart goes out to you. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I stood in your shoes just over 2 years ago myself! I know how you feel. Lost and all alone right now and no one seems ot remember or care about you. Like being alone on a deserted Island. You know that Mary is right above you? Look straight up into the clouds and you can see her and feel her warmth and see her bright shing smile watching over you. Do you talk to her? I used to talk to Deb every night. Just go outside and tell her everything you feel and did today and how you are today. EVERYTHING! Tell her how mad you are that she is gone and how much you always will love her. Tell her the tire on the car was flat this morning.(Only if it really was thoug ) And the last thing to do is throw eggs. I did this to relieve stress and burn off the anger and the guilt. And its CHEAP THERAPY!! Jusst aim for a tree or a fence and WAIL away with em! One other thing is to get it out. Go to the grieving section and write. just start typing and see where it leads. Can be anyhting. FAve memoriy, How you met, Best date, Funniest memory, anyhting at all.... Hanf in there Hawkeye and we will always be here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hawkeye, You will not be alone in that house the spirit of Mary will be there for you. Keeping busy is a good way but writing on the forum is another one. We will be here for you. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 Hawkeye, There are many of us who know the pain and aloneness you are feeling right now. There is a "shock" that occurs for the first several weeks too. Try not to expect too much of yourself during this time. If you have things to keep you busy, that's great. This is a time to let other people help you and to seek out other people in your life, as it sounds like you've been doing. I'm so sorry for your loss. You will find much support and understanding here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hawkeye Posted March 1, 2008 Author Share Posted March 1, 2008 Thank you all so much.....I found some e-mails while lookin for some documents on Mary's computer. Some of it hurt me very much and filled me doubts. I am so torn right now and the hurt is deeper from finding these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I'm sorry. I don't know what you found but try to get past it and remember what you shared. I think it is common after a death to find things that you wish you would have been aware of. People told me after John had died that he had told them he didn't think he had long to live...I wish he had told me, but I can't dwell on his reasoning. I hope you can get past the hurt, your love for each other is apparent in your profile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 (((((((Hawkeye)))))) We are here for you. We care. And you know that Mary is there with you, too. I wish you peace and strength. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brandyswa Posted March 3, 2008 Share Posted March 3, 2008 Hawkeye, You and Mary did alot together and try to remember all the fun times, think of the comdians you went to see. What was your favorite memories? Like Randy said tell Mary what you have done for the day and talk to her. It will get a bit easier, but not much. I am so sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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