It's been a month

[Willw99]

It has been a month since Dear Diana died in my arms. I still am having a hard time adjusting. Every day I want to start putting my life in some semblance of order. That is what Di would have wanted me to do. I cannot seem to stop being terribly sad and lonely and going all numb.

Everyone on this site has been so kind to me and I thank you all for your kind words. I did not imagine it would be so painful. The silence is deafening. the house is so empty and all the days are grey with no life in my heart.

I grieve the life Di and I were planning this time last year. So many changes and a life so different. I do not like the expression "it takes time to heal"-Iam not sick! I have changed. I want to be the person our dogs think I am. I just don't know any more.

[MomsGirl]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this pain. It breaks my heart to read your post...

Please, please be kind to yourself. Someone wrote on here recently that sadly you can't get around the grief, you have to go through it. That phrase just struck me, it is so wise. Your pain is still so fresh, one month is a very short time in the span of this difficult journey...your deep love for Diana shows through on every post. I know what you mean about the healing thing - another phrase on this board that has always hit home is that your life eventually becomes a "new normal". You really aren't the same person you were before...

I feel like there's not much more I can say, I know your pain and it utterly stinks, quite frankly. Know that we are here when you need to vent, it really does help.

Sending you warm thoughts today....

[Leslie]

I know losing a spouse is different than losing a parent (even a parent that you were very, very close to...)--but I really relate to so many of the feelings you expressed in your post.

The emptiness, the profound loss is so hard. I lost my dad 17 weeks ago and the word that best describes my state of mind is "shattered."

But from my brief journey--I can tell you this...there are going to be moments, hours, and days where you WILL feel stronger than you do right now. I know how hard it is to believe when you are in a really dark place--but it will happen.

I wish you peace in the coming days. You are not alone.

Best,

Leslie

[shineladysue]

Will,

Losing a spouse of 36 years is very difficult. I lost my husband of 36 years, just two years ago. I too was totally lost. I have to admit that I still am. It's so hard to think of yourself as "me" and not "us". It doesn't happen in just one month . I'm not sure when it happens. Every thing I do, I feel something is missing . When people speak of healing I feel they are referring to my broken heart and I do feel wounded . It is early in your grief , Will.. Let yourself grieve. Perhaps grief counseling or a widow/widowers support group would help you. Right or wrong , I didn't choose to go that route. Above all, be patient with yourself and give yourself time. Keep in touch with us. Many of us understand.

Sue

[teriw]

Will,

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. One month is a very short time. It truly is a "one day at a time" situation. Sometimes it's one hour at a time, especially those first couple months. You wake up and think things are normal again -- if even for that one split second, then the pain of the reality comes sweeping in. And the quiet house -- for the first couple months I had the T.V. on constantly, just for noise. I'd turn it to a show that I knew Bill would like to watch. I don't need to do that anymore. There are no rules to grieving. Much of it depends on our personalities. You're right, you are a different person.

My best advice -- especially so early on -- is to not have any expectations from yourself. Just do what you need to do each day. Also, to be around people who love you as much as you can. If your dog is anything like mine, she/he is a great comfort too. And talk about your wife as much as you want to. I still talk about (and to) Bill constantly.

I've noticed as time goes on that some things get better, and other things get more difficult. But they do change. As much as we all hate to be fed cliches, some of them are true. We're not sick, but we are wounded -- as deeply as you can be. Torn in two.

Please come here as often as you need -- there are people here who understand.

Hugs,

[Barbb]

Will, I'm so sorry for your pain. I, too, wanted to get some order in my life, that would be the only control I have at a time like this. It is only now coming together. The house is still quiet and lonely, my dog Kasey is my company. I talk to Rod, tell him the good things that happen, tell him I miss him. I know he hears. I don't know if I'll ever "Heal" but I will go on. I hope you will, too.

Barb

[Nick C]

Will, I'm so sorry, and I am sure it's rough.

We'll be here to listen.

[SBeth]

Dear Will,

Like many of the others here, I too, lost my spouse. Bill passed away just over two years ago and those first few months were nothing short of hell. I think this is a wonderful place to come to for support and to find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. You may feel lonely and helpless right now, but time does have a way of making that pain more bearable. Please take care of yourself and come back often for support and friendship.

To the others on this site, I know that I don't post often anymore, but believe me when I tell you that rarely a day goes by that I do not log on and read to keep up with everyone; some days I just feel like I haven't much to offer, beyond a hug and a prayer.

[Patkid]

I understand your pain Will, and I am so sorry for it.

P

[Kasey]

I'm sorry, Will. Somehow you will continue to put one foot in front of the other. I'm just sad that it will be without you dear Diana. Come here whenever you feel the need. Many are here to lify you up.

Kasey