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Care-Givers/Survivors-Has Lung Cancer Made You less Tolerant

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Wasn't sure where to post this but I knew this was the right place to ask. Has lung cancer-either the DX or being a caretaker made you less tolerant of BULL-S--t? I am dealing with 2 people right now - one being my oldest brother-and the other being my husband's sister. Before my Moms DX I have tolerated their behavior-now I am writing them off for the pieces of crap they truly are and I don't feel the least bit bad about it!! This is a very brief account to what is going on-there is much more involved but it would take a book to write-

My brother who has not done one thing since my Moms Dx-told my cousin that my Mom has 6 months to live (this was a few months ago) Now wouldn't you think if you thought your Mom had 6 months to live you would give her a call or stop over and see how she's doing? His number was on my caller id 5 times over the weekend we took my Mom to Baltimore-the only time he calls is for me to watch his daughter-I always do-he's a single parent and I am the only break he gets-now he lives with my younger brother-who either didn't tell him we were in Baltimore or more likely just totally forgot because it doesn't concern him!!- I haven't picked up the tape machine in weeks when I see it's him-I know if I do I'm going to tell him to call his Mom and take his daughter to see her Grandmom instead of me!!!

Now onto my sister in law- There is 12 years of crap I have been tolerating from her but this is the straw that broke the camels back-I have been taking my Mom with me Christmas Day for 12 years to my Mother in Laws for dinner-I have not liked my sister in law since the first day I have met her and it's no love lost their believe me-she married into a very rich family years ago and now that her kids are grown she is very lonely and pathetic-well anyway-she made a comment and my husband heard it -"that she didn't want to deal with her own mother in law- much less Jeff's mother in law on Christmas day!!! My Mom is fighting for her life and this is what she says on Christmas day? I would treat a homless man on the street better than that! Anyhow I know I am ranting and we all have our family issues but boy did it feel good to get it all out... ha ha.


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Without going into any detail.....YES I agree. It's a matter of been there and done that too, Dar. Negative comments about my mother don't fly very well here either. Neither does the head in the sand attitude. All I can say is SORRY for the a-h's and that I understand. So.......not very tolerant at all in those instances.


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Dar -

Don't get me going - I could go on for hours!!!

Prior to my dx, I was pretty much my mom's caretaker - she sold her condo and moved to a senior appt bldg right around the corner from me. I did all her grocery shopping, all her laundry and cleaned her apt. My sister wouldn't do a thing. Then when I got cancer and asked for help - my BIL cursed me out that his wife would have to do groceries!!!! Hows that one??

So I guess all families have some rotten eggs - you just have to write them off for what they are. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes that your friends are more apt to help than other family members.

Hang in there, girl!!!! You know that you are doing the right thing in life!!!

Hugs - Patti B

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This is why I love Jackie....she makes it sound so nice. From now on that is how I am going to phrase it...I did some clean up.

But-- this is how I looked at it back then when I had the clean up at the top of my lungs (just in case they couldn't hear me). When someone you love is fighting cancer you have to get all the negativity and stress you can out of the situation. Sometimes that means letting someone have it.

Your question though was do you have less tolerance for bs-- definitely.

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I'm with Jackie on this one. Sometimes you have to empty the garbage! :wink:

I have to say, after being a caregiver to my mom, dad and sister, and then me becoming a lc survivor/heart disease survivor, I think I am much more tolerant then I use to be.

Takes alot to get me really ruffled! Who needs ishy people in there lives? Not ME! Life it TOO Short!

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OMG YES!!! I am usually very quiet about things but since my Dad's diagnosis I have become very vocal. Even hung up on a few people for the first time in my life. My biggest problem is "stupid" people. People around me need to think before they speak.

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My diagnosis has definitely made me less tolerable of bullsh*t. I am usually very tolerant and don't let things bother me, but since my dx, I can't deal with the crap and the negativity that comes with it. I agree that people need to think before they speak. Most people are wonderful and are cheering for me all the way, but there are a few who are constantly reminding me that I have cancer & it could end badly. This may be a dismal dx, but I need to believe that I can beat this or at least keep at bay for some time. I think I may need to do a clean up of all the negativity around me - all it does it bring me down.

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Taking care of my Mom took up almost my entire "plate." I did have to toss a few rotten veggies off of there when things got crowded because I just didn't have enough room to deal with everything! Plus they were starting to smell. :)

I had to toss my brother and sister in law who refused to acknowledge my mother was even sick! They still haven't acknowledged that she passed away, so I feel like I made the right choice.

My motto: keep the stuff on your plate that is important...like chocolate...toss the smelly brussel sprouts...ick! Nobody needs a rotting brussel sprout in their life!

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Now the other side of the medal,

my side, I have cancer also, I'm

80 years old and no treatment for

cancer as they would kill me, so

I have no tolerance for **BS**

and I face it each day, people

don't know I have cancer ''forgot

to have my forehead tattooed''

I have jet black hair, (natural

as I'm part Indian and proud of it)

and I keep it 1/4 inch long, so

nobody could say it is from a bottle.

but I get no respect from people,

because I look much younger than my

age (act it too) my fight is with the

medical people mostly and the rest of

the world that have no respect for

................ AGE................

Where are the good manners gone........

So don't be surprised that people that

were brought up without learning the

world POLITE would change when they

face sickness.

Dictionary definition (short one)


a: showing or characterized by correct

social usage

b: marked by an appearance of consideration,

tact, deference, or courtesy.

So we have all the rights to answer them

the way we want and they can't be hurt

as they don't know how to be polite to

start with.


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"Leela" ...Jackie is right on there. I also notice that little silly things that used to seem so important, just aren't anymore. Definitely a "clean up" of people and priorities.

There's a great little freeware program called CrapCleaner (now usually referred to as CCleaner) which does this for Windows computers. We should work up a version for cancer patients and their supporters/caregivers:


Last updated on 21st February 2008!

Over 120 million downloads!!

CCleaner is a freeware system optimization and privacy tool. It removes unused files from your system - allowing Windows to run faster and freeing up valuable hard disk space. It also cleans traces of your online activities such as your Internet history. But the best part is that it's fast (normally taking less than a second to run) and contains NO Spyware or Adware!!!



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I have much less tolerance!!!! I used to be a major doormat. I still am somewhat of a doormat, but I also surprise myself by being so much more vocal about certain things.

My mom's diagnosis changed me over night, all tolerance vanished. It is really interesting to read how that has happened to a lot of other people too.

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Ha Ha! This has been the dinner conversation at my house this week - my lack of tolerance!! I have been trying to decide whether to continue on with my job next year (I teach preschool and the sick kids are NOT conducive to my health!) Anyway - I have such a lack of tolerance for the parents lately that I have been letting them know exactly how I feel instead of keeping my mouth shut! The consensus is if I don't become more tolerant I will lose my job soon and won't have to quit!

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