pannelli Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Hi, I've been lurking here for exactly 6 months, reading, learning, crying and rejoicing with all of you. My brother-in-law was diagnosed in late August of 2007 with Stage IV Lung Cancer. Marty is my husband's youngest brother (48) and they have been estranged for many years. All the past became null and void the day Marty was diagnosed. My husband has been with his brother every single weekend since then. He lives an hour from us, and my husband leaves on Friday and returns on Monday. I will do everything in my power to make sure he's there to help out Marty's long-time girlfriend and companion and to most importantly have this time with Marty. Today we received a call that Marty is now unable to walk without full assistance and needs help through the day while his companion is at work. My husband left this morning, we have no idea how long he'll be gone but he will do everything he can to keep Marty comfortable. Tomorrow he will look into hospice help and talking to Marty's general physician about his well being. My husband, Dave is Marty's durable power of attorney and has been to radiation, chemo and most Drs. appts. I am so proud of my husband he has truly been his brother's keeper. I want to say thank you to all of you here who share your stories. I have sought comfort, information and just a feeling of belonging from this site. Sometimes the weekends are long and lonely and I want to be there to help him, comfort him. It's good to come here, to seek solace and always find others who are there or have been there. Thank you very much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pannelli Posted March 6, 2008 Author Share Posted March 6, 2008 ooops didn't mean to get that emoticon when I typed in Marty's age. He was 48 at the time of diagnosis, he just turned 49 the end of January. I don't know how to put the history information in my signature line so I'll just add a bit here: August '07 Diagnosed Stage IV Lung Cancer with metastasis to the psoas muscle causing intense pain in the groin and hip. September '07 Chemotherapy every 3 weeks. November '07 No improvement with chemo. new drug recommended that women have used for breast cancer, I don't know the name of the drug. Marty has gone from 170 to 140. No appetite, started marinol (?) helped at first. January '08 Radiologist feels he could provide some relief using radiation to the tumor on the psosas muscle. Daily radiation treatments for 5 weeks. 180 mile round trip daily for treatments. March '08 Completed radiation, no improvement in pain. He continues to take Tarceva daily. No appetite, down to 125 pounds. 3/4/08 Fell, unable to walk unaided. He is on 3 types of Morphine, has been since November, a long acting, short term and immediate. He sleeps most of the time, drinks water and a can or 2 of ensure a day. We fear that the end is near.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Panelli Hello and welcome. I am so sorry about your brother in law but what a gift your husband is giving him by being there when he needs him the most. I am glad you have joined us and hope that you will continue to post and keep us informed of Marty's condition. We are here and we will help you as much as we can. Just let us know what you need.... Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and your family, Warmly Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Welcome Panelli, Sorry to hear about your BIL. You know you'll get all the information and support you need right here. As for your Signature just look at the top of any page and click on MY PROFILE! Scroll down to Signature and fill it in. Scroll down and Click SUBMIT! ALL DONE!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bruce u Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Hi Panneli Welcome. This is a great source of information and support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beatlemike Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Welcome Pannelli,my thoughts and prayers are with you all at this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patti B Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 Welcome Pannelli So sorry to hear about your BIL but so glad that your husband and him have found this time to be together. Please keep coming here and keep us informed on how he is doing. You and your hubbie should also continue to come here for any help either of you two need. Will be thinking of all three of you and praying for the best. Hugs - Patti B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
recce101 Posted March 6, 2008 Share Posted March 6, 2008 You have every reason to be proud of your husband. Regardless of the factors which led to the longtime estrangement from from his brother, Dave took Marty's illness as a means to bring the family together. If you've been lurking here for a few months, you've seen several cases where the opposite has been true -- where illness tore families apart and brought out the worst in some individuals. Thanks for reminding us that there's a lot of good in the world. Aloha, Ned Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pannelli Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Thank you all for your kinds words and welcomes. It has been a difficult day as Marty has made a steady progression from bad to much worse in the past 48 hours. He is bedridden and unable to support any of his body weight. Hospice will be out tomorrow to do an evaluation and determine what needs to be done. Marty has been quite incoherant for most of the day but did perk up briefly for a visit from some old classmates. My husband, Dave, seems to be keeping busy with caretaking tasks, he sounded tired on the phone but kept his emotions in check. I suppose he worries about staying strong for those around him, and to keep himself going. He had a call from a good friend today, I'm so glad he called to offer support to Dave. We don't really know what Hospice will decide. It is becoming quite difficult to care for Marty at home as they are not able to maneuver him properly for positioning, bathing and keeping him comfortable. It's a very tiny, cramped house with little room to move around. We don't really understand the entire role that Hospice has in all of this, I guess we will learn tomorrow. It all seems to be going so fast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Hospice should be a great help to you. They will order what is needed to help move your BIL and keep him comfortable. They should also provide some care to give the family a break. You don't say what area you live in but some places have nice residential hospice programs if isn't possible to keep him at home. I am glad you quit lurking and joined in. It's wonderful your husband has been there for his brother. Welcome to the board. Rochelle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pannelli Posted March 7, 2008 Author Share Posted March 7, 2008 Hi Rochelle, Thanks! We are in Kansas. Marty lives in a very rural area about 2 hours from Kansas City. Hospice is there right now, visiting with my husband, Marty and his girlfriend. Marty is having a little better day today, a few more alert/aware periods of time. I'm glad I "came out of lurking" too! --deb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet B Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Welcome! I too was a long time lurker - and you will be so happy you joined in because the support here is tremendous. My sister and I were not quite estranged - but our relationship was far from easy. She was the first one (besides my husband) to visit me at the hospital and she has been at every appointment since - she is a wonderful support. Your husband is making a HUGE difference in his brother's life - in many ways. My prayers are with you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pannelli Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 Thank you again for all your help and support. Marty passed away at 5:07 pm today. My husband and Marty's girlfriend were at his side. This is such a dreadful disease, my heart just aches for all that could have been and yet I'm joyful for all that was. Thank you and many prayers for all your journeys. Deb and Dave Pannell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I am so very sorry to hear about Marty. Please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Prayers and Condolences to you and your family. I am so glad that your husband was able to spend this time with his brother. We will be here for you to help you as much as we can with the grief. Please lean on us.. Warmly Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Dear Deb & Dave, I too am sorry to hear that Marty lost his battle with this monster of a disease. Your right, this is a dreadful disease. Peace to Marty's memory, and strength to you and your family during this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janet B Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband gave Marty a great gift by being by his side - and you gave your husband one by being by his. My prayers are with you all tonight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I am sorry for your loss. You and your husband and family are in my prayers. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Dear Deb and Dave, I'm so sorry for your loss. I am happy to read about Dave and Marty coming together again. That's a beautiful thing and I have no doubt it made all the difference to Marty. Thinking of your family in this difficult time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Bev and Dave, My deepest sympathy Wishing comfort and solace in knowing that the two brothers were together again in time of need. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 I am so sorry for your loss. My sympathy to you and your husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Deb and Dave, I am very sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 Deb & Dave, Please accept my deelest condolences for he loss of your brother in law especially being so young. Your was husband and his girlfriend was his guardian angels at his side. You have much to be proud of and he will never feel any guilt. I know the time ahead will be hard on everybody. Please know that we are always her for you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 My condolences to the two of you and to the rest of your family and Marty's friends. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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