Jump to content

Update on my mom


Robbi

Recommended Posts

My mom was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday because of extreme weakness. She hadn't been eating well since her chemo treatment. Her oncologist told me that day he felt she should go to a skilled nursing facility when released so she could gain some strength back. So, yesterday my husband and I looked at two and found one we were happy with. Yesterday when I got to the hospital plans had changed. One of the residents that works closely with her oncologist told me he (her oncologist) doesn't think she should go to skilled nursing and that hospice needs to be called because the end is near. I am so taken back by this. I knew this could happen--knew how horrible this disease is, but she was only diagnosed in January. Where's her six months? Where's her year? There are things I told her we'd do and now we won't be able to. :(

Am I wrong in feeling he needs to be honest with her and tell her the end is near. She has been in denial since being diagnosed. She used to tell people especially in the beginning that she didn't believe she had cancer and they had made a mistake. I feel she should be told the truth so SHE has time to do anything she wants. Make calls to people, make plans of any sort--just do what SHE wants to do. Does this make sense? Am I wrong in thinking she has the right to know the truth?

I'm going to call the doctors office this morning and ask for a family consult. I NEED and want some questions answered. I have to make plans and figure out what I'm going to do.

I'm just so sad and scared. Scared for her, but selfishly for me too.

I will write more when I can.

Thank you,

Robbi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robbi, what makes you think she doesn't know? Maybe the doctor did tell her things weren't looking to promising. You say she is in denial, so maybe she blocked out what was being told to her. People do that. And then again she may not wish to look at the overall picture. It's tough dealing with all this.

If she is not eating and she is sleeping alot, and is so weak, the last thing she wants to do is call people.

This disease is baffeling and one thing it's not is prodectiable. I have seen people be dx.d and were told they had 6 month and they lived 20 years, and I have seen people be told they have 6 months to a year and passed away one month after being dx.d. No one knows how long anyone has.

Take this one minute at a time and make sure you just give your mom lots of TLC.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robbi,

I don't think it is necessary to tell your Mom that at all. If Mom really wants to hear that, she will ask. I think it takes away all hope, when one hears those words.

My sister always knew, but she didn't want to hear it. She did not want to know anything negative. In the end, she had time to get her affairs in order, and to tell everyone goodbye.

This is so hard to go through. I will be praying that you get your answers soon and that your Mom will get her 6 months and many more. Just don't give up hope.

Love to you and yours,

Bobby

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My daddy knew...but he never talked about it. It was his choice, his way of dealing with things.

He made sure his papers were in order and all of that early on in his diagnosis, but he knew.

There were at least 3 times his onc and GP mentioned 2-4 months, 6-8 months, etc... and if anyone ever asked him what his prognosis was, he'd say he didn't know...was taking it day by day.

That's just how he dealt with the gravity of this disease. He didn't have any regrets or words left unsaid- never lived his life with things "hanging", so he was ok just going along a day at a time, and all of us who loved him was ok with that too.

We just made the most of the moments we had together.

Ask your mom if she'd like you to help her with anything right now or if there is anyone she'd really like to see, and then let her do this her way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Robbie,

I am so sorry. This is so difficult for you and your family. I think I am in agreement with others that have posted here... your Mom probably does know...

People deal with things differently. Maybe she thinks she is sparing you? I wouldn't be "direct" with her... for whatever reason, she needs to handle this the way she is - let her have this.

I never out and out spoke about my Daddy having limited time with us... but it was definetley an "unspoken" understanding. I think it would have been much to hard for him to say goodbye, and vice-versa.

Please know I am praying for you... Love, Sharon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

((((Robbie))))

I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I also agree with the others - she may know and just choose not to talk about it.

You said you are scared for yourself and you think of it as being selfish - NO, IT IS NOT selfish of you - thats your mom. And noone quite does for us like moms do. You are a wonderful loving daughter who is trying her best to get through this with her best interests at heart. Please don't think of yourself as selfish - you are being normal.

I wish there was more I could do for you. You and your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs - Patti B.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Moms time is close. Please pray that she goes peacefully. I think right now she is comfortable. I pray it continues.

The time since her diagnosis went so fast. She seemed to be OK one day and it seemed over night she wasn't.

:-(

Thank you,

Robbi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My mom passed away at 9:15 this morning. I can't believe how fast the time went from her diagnosis. I am so sad, but realize she is in a better place AND is now reunited with my dad.

Thank you for your prayers

Robbi

Link to comment
Share on other sites

"Robbi"]My mom passed away at 9:15 this morning. I can't believe how fast the time went from her diagnosis. I am so sad, but realize she is in a better place AND is now reunited with my dad.

Thank you for your prayers

Robbi

Dear Robbi,

Please accept my condolences. You and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Barbara

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.