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Stupid people...again


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Here we go again. I haven't been doing real well lately. It's coming up on 4 months since Mom passed. I saw in another post that marks a critical time? Anyway, I called the Oncology clinic where Mom was treated to ask about a grief support group. I got transferred to a social worker that didn't identify herself but she was the one that was supossed to help Mom and I but did NOTHING! When I asked if they had a GRIEF support group, she told me about their SURVIVOR support group that meets the third Wednesday of every month. :shock: WHA??! Then she asked if she answered my question and I replied that no, I am looking for GRIEF support. She said they don't have one of those. I suggested that maybe they should. She didn't even direct me to the Hospice that is run by the same hospital that employs both she and I! I found that they have a group on my own--once again. And this person is a social worker? Geez.

Then last week I was taking Mom's wigs into work to have an Oncology nurse come over and pick them up for donation because I just can't go back over there yet--even though I talk to them daily on the phone. One of my coworkers saw me with the bag and said "whatcha got in the bag?" I showed her the wig on a wig head and told her what I was doing with it and she said...."cute". WHA?!

I am sorry to be so negative, but people are stupid. :cry:

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Well, I agree people care stupid, but they also DON'T LISTEN to what we are saying! :evil:

I just want to make a suggestion about a greif support group. Most of the time Funeral Homes have that information handy.

I'm sorry they were so damn insensitive to your issues. They just don't listen.

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This amy help find something unaffiliated with hospital also. I tried in my Neighborhood and located most in Church sponsors!

click Link;


Hope it helps and Yes people are both Stupid and insensitive sometimes!

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Thanks for the kind words Connie. No, she did not listen to me. And the group she was referring to is for women, ran by a breast cancer survivor.

I checked that link Randy, there's not anything in my town. Our hospital is pretty much IT in this town. I'm planning on trying the group at Hospice tomorrow night. We'll see. Maybe they'll have cookies...

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if they don't and you keep going maybe bake and take some cookies? Hospices usually have very good help with grief support because they deal with it on a very personal level and almost a daily occurence. Good luck and let us know how this goes for ya!!

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I hope you find a good group and that you connect with people. It does help. The link that Randy gave -- they also have a lot of books and materials. That might be worth checking out too, just for something extra.

I have a long list of things said to me that either make me roll my eyes, or give me that "I canNOT believe they just said that" feeling, etc. But a social worker???

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Look at it this way...perhaps your co-worker was referring to the wig head when she said "cute."

Sometimes we don't think before we speak, and letting the moronic moment pass is better than getting mired deeper in the muck by continuing to speak! :oops:

As for the SW, I would send a note to her supervisor and let the sup know just how "helpful" and "considerate" the SW was, both with you and your mom, and for your needs as well.

She may not have had the ability to help you, but being gentle and giving you a connection to Hospice (phone number or contact person) would have gone a long way. Acknowledging the need for grief support would have been appropriate.



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I went to the Hospice support group last night. It was nice to talk in person with folks that have been through similiar loss. And to talk without shame and embarassment for the tears and things that we do that other people might not understand. There were only a few of us and me and my frank responses got myself in the hot seat. There is a memorial service next week so there won't be a meeting again until April 1st. I'll have to think about whether or not I'll go back. Maybe I need more one-on-one help. :?

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I pm'd MaryAnn on her "DUH" comment. :? I think I know what she meant, but she'll come back and clear the air! :wink:

In the mean time, blueeye I think it's great that you went to the Support Group. I attended a Greif Support Group after my mom passed away and I have to say it was REALLY HELPFUL for me! At the time my mom died, my sister was also dying from lung cancer. My sister died 10 months after my mom did.

I REALLY NEEDED Greif Support! It was a GOOD THING!

Otherwise, remember, we're here for you too! ((((blueeye))))

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I'm sorry for what you went thru. I do know how this feels. Sometimes it does help to talk to others, or even just a friend.

I rebelled against therapy of any kind for over 4 years. I finally began to talk to people openly, a great friend, my spouse, even new friends. Sometimes the only outlet I had was standing at the cemetary in front of my parents grave and yell and cry and talk until I was cried out.

I'm finally in a place in my life where I think I might try a support group. Will it help? Who knows, but it took 4 years after my dad died and 14 months after my mom died to even take this step.

Be kind to yourself and take it at your own pace. You will figure out what works best for you and what you're emotionally ready for.

It doesn't help that people are "stupid" like you say or that they simply don't listen. That makes us feel worse.

Just know that we are always here for you and boy we really "get it".


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Sorry Blueyes I did not see your 2nd post. I was referring to your first about stupid people. I just meant yes, sometimes that is typical. (DUH)

There are all kinds of people in this world and some just have no clue.

That is all I meant. Again that was to your first post.

I feel like an idiot all the responses from that. I probably would have also responded to the DUH the same way.

Sorry honey, you know I would never offend anyone.

Iam truly sorry for all you are going through. We actually tried to start our own group here and we could not get enough people to even come that we had to stop it. One week no one came. This was not for grieving for a love one, this was for people with LC for support.

Thank you Connie for the PM I was may not have gotten back to this post and everyone who have been confused and perhaps dissapointed by my remark.

DUH to me!!


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