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It's almost over..UPDATE Sister Passed


Faith711

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My sister went to the hospital a week ago Tuesday to have a pain pump put in - she was supposed to leave the hospital on Thursday. She ended up staying and they did a thoracentesis and took off some fluid and also did a bronchoscopy because of her collapsed LUL. She was discharged Tuesday (yesterday, a week later) and went home.. after about an hour at home she told her husband to call an ambulance something was wrong and she couldn't get enough oxygen. Back at the hospital it turns out she has two large pulmonary emboli. Because of the bleeding risks with her brain mets she decided to.. not sure what it's called but they go in through the femoral artery with something and snake it through the system to reach the clots and bust them directly. It apparently didn't go as planned.. they only got a little medication to one of the clots. After the procedure she was alert and talking and they transferred her to the ICU. Right after she got there she coded. Now she's intubated and on multiple pressors to keep her alive. She did not want to be kept alive like this.. if she doesn't pass naturally by this evening we are going to turn off pressor support and start the morphine drip.

The good thing about this is that it happened quickly and as far as we can tell she's not suffering... we have her sedated. She didn't want to linger and end up having someone wipe her a** (as she would have said). The other good thing is that the whole family was there (not the kids) before she went in for the procedure. We all kissed her and said I love you...apparently she also said goodbye to my mom. She seemed to know that this was it because she wanted everyone there. So our last words to each other were I love you. It's also good that this happened at the hospital.. and the kids didn't see anything traumatic.

Around 5am this morning after everyone else had left and I was alone with her I just held her hand and talked to her.... I'm really glad I had that time. I can't stop crying even though she's not technically gone yet. We knew this was coming.... I miss my sister. It's not really about the physical passing, but she hasn't been herself for months and I miss who she was... and I'm so sad that she's so young and leaves behind 3 children. It's just so sad...

Even though I don't post... you guys have all helped me a lot over the last 10 months and explained many things that I didn't understand. Many prayers to everyone....

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(((Faith)))

Your post leaves me in tears - I am so sorry for you, your sister, and her family. I only wish I had some words that would help console you at this horrid time.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.

Hugs to you. Faith - you are such a wonderful sister!!!

Patti B.

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Faith, I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. It is almost identical to what my family went through with my sister. Everything happened so fast, but the morphine drip was very easy on her. It allowed her to pass with no pain and it was peaceful. I would say after she went on the morphine, it was 24 hours or less and she was gone.

I am not saying this to make you lose hope, because there is always hope, but to let you know that I understand what you are feeling. It is a very difficult thing to go through, but I am glad you have family there with you. Stay strong for one another and keep us posted. Please pm me if you need to talk to someone.

Love to you and your family,

Bobby

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I'm so sorry for you all. I have a best friend she's my sister. When times get rough she holds my hand too. Now a days I listen to a song called "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley. I told her to really listen to it because it puts a different light on what I'm going through. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Dannie

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Thank you so much for the prayers... my sister passed at 5:15 this evening. A few weeks ago she told me she wanted me to make sure she was out of it and didn't know what was going on when that time came. Around 330pm she was maxed out on blood pressure medication and only on diprivan (sedation)but nothing for pain. She made a grimace in her face and I requested the morphine... they started it at 1mg/hr.. as her blood pressure dropped her respirations would go up so we would increase the morphine to make her comfortable. It reached 20 mg/hr.. I was on one side holding her hand and my mom and dad were on the other side (her husband was on his way.. it happened faster than expected).. my mom and I had looked at the ceiling asking Carolyn if she was up there (yes, we could still smile in spite of our crying... we are all big believers in "the other side".. and "signs').. my mom asked Carolyn to give us a sign that she was ok. I'm not sure how much longer it was but previously her left eye had been closed and her right eye slightly open with the iris in the middle. All of a sudden both eyes were more open and looking to the left in my direction... I'm like, mom what's going on? how can she be looking at me with her blood pressure of 35/20? Did she stroke out and her eyes deviated? Well, all of a sudden her eyes went back to the center.. not focused on us but definitely seemed like purposeful movement. I went to get the nurse and ask if she needed more meds and how was this possible... i forgot what the nurse said but when I got back to the room her eyes were then facing to the right in my moms direction. After a bit they went back to center and again mostly closed. I know some people would say it is "whatever"... but to me and my family this was definitely a sign that she's ok... we are so thankful that this happened. I don't think this was realistically possible.. unless there was help from the other side.

I'm home now and I feel so empty... she's never going to call me again. We used to talk on the phone every day... before she started going downhill. Hospice is still getting involved even though it's just going to be for grief counseling... Her husband is going to tell the kids in the morning with a counselor there. I can't even imagine what I'm going to say when I see those kids tomorrow afternoon... I don't want to be crying hysterically but am not sure if I'll be able to stop... my sister decorated their house - every single thing is my sisters touch. I just miss her so much..

Everything went so smoothly.. but there was one thing I wish I hadn't done and I didn't want to but didn't want to leave the family. After she passed... I had said many goodbyes to her and everything I needed to say while she was sedated. They offered to "fix her up".. take all the tubes, IVs out, etc.. so now I keep seeing her like that how they had her set up on the bed.... looking like my sister.. only dead. It's a horrible image to me and I can't get it out of my head. For whatever reason it was easier with all the tubes and the ventilator... I'm trying to look at older photos of her to get that picture gone...

Anyway, obviously I just needed to talk.... I'm home alone with the dogs right now. I could have gone to my parents but I have 4 dogs.. and I've been gone too much... Thanks for letting me share. I'm going to start a journal and write down as much of this journey as I can remember.. to let her kids read if they want to when they get older. I just want my sister back!!!!!!!! I'm so upset... but I know I need to remember that she was in so much pain and she wasn't really how she wanted to be. I know she's better off now but it hurts so much...

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Dear Faith

I am just so sorry. Your sister will forever be a part of you and will always be in your heart.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences and sympathies and remember, we will continue to be here with you and for you whenever you need us.

(((((Faith)))))

Warmly

Christine

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Write any and everything Cry often and whenever! I am so sorry to hear this news. PRayers Condolences and Hugs!! We are always here if you need anything!

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(((Faith)))

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please accept my condolences for your entire family.

Let us know if there is anything we can do to help any of you during this time. Please continue to come here - to cry, to vent - people here understand how you feel.

Wishing you strength and comfort in the coming days -

Patti B.

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Oh Faith, I'm so very sorry! My family is like yours, we believe in those signs and we cling to them. There is comfort there. And from my experience, those visuals that you speak of, they pass eventually. Not quickly, but eventually you will see your sister in your mind's eye as the lovely vibrant woman she was for the vast majority of her life.

Condolences to you and your family.

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Faith: I got a group hug I requested and went looking for a place to pass it on and found you. What can I say that hasn't been said except I too believe in signs. That belief comes from my experiences as I know it does for you and you family. Hang on to it and stay as strong as you are able for the kids. If you cry, it's not a bad thing for them to see.

My deepest condolences, Judy in Key West

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