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Do I Have the Right?


DaddysFan

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I hesitate to write, although I feel as if I know you. I know that each of you feel what I feel, hurt like I hurt, and know that time will ease this experience. I wrote several months ago thanking you for the support I received one night, as I was trying to digest the gravity of what "lung cancer" and my father meant. He passed away in November, days before my daughter's 4th birthday, and only 6 weeks after dx.

Who would have thought that 3 1/2 months later, I would be returning to the same grief-stricken, unbelievable place. My mother-in-law knowingly refused treatment for COPD for several years (we didn't know she knew that she had COPD...my father had it, then he found out about the cancer). She went into the hospital March 2, 2008 with shortness of breath, celebrated her 72 birthday on March 4, had 900cc of fluid drained from her right lung (which, after the fact, we found out was full of blood) and passed away on March 7. You're supposed to go to the hospital and return home. You're not supposed to shock everyone (doctors included) and check out on your own.

I loved her as if she were my own mother. Finding the place to release what I feel is difficult. Yet, I know that each of you understand. While most people have the advantage of dealing with one parent's death, I guess The Big Guy thought I needed to help out with another. The grief on my husband's face is unreal. He is definitely a "mama's boy" and loved her beyond words. I feel like I am strong enough to handle whatever it is that life throws at me. I can handle this, right up there with the strongest of women. Yet, it hurts. It hurts BAD. And I find myself writing to you here. The only place I know where people truly GET IT. Do I really have the right to ask for support here? Do I have the right to hurt so bad inside, yet not let anyone see it? I feel as if I should be stronger than everyone else, simply because I've been through it with my dad. But, I'M NOT DONE WITH HIM YET!! It will be fine. I will be fine. We will all be fine. I know that.

I hope each of you are finding peace in some of the little things that come to mind. That's what's helping me. Thanks...thanks for listening.

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I am so very sorry about your mother in law. Please accept my sincere condolences, for both you and your husband and your family. So much to cope with for you.. please keep posting here and know that we are here for you and are always willing to listen and lend a shoulder when you are in need.

Hugs to you,

Christine

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Absolutely you have the right. And we are here for you. Just when I thought I was beginning to deal with my dad's death, my mom suddenly passed away...so I know what you're talking about. It's like being sucker-punched, then dragged forward on your face...

You are still in such shock. It helps to post and write and talk it out. Be gentle on yourself. Sometimes it's ok, not to be so strong.

(((hugs)))

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We all understand. I lost 3 brothers and both parents. In 1985 my brother died in March and my mom died that October of Lung Cancer. I lost Johnny 5 years ago this past December and my ex husband passed 2 years ago in February. With in a two months after his death I lost two very special ladies in my life.

All I can say is hang in there we all know that it doesn't get easier each time you lose someone. It gets harder but we get stronger even if we do feel like a bowl of jelly.

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You have every right to be here. We get it we have been there and then some. Got big dry shoulders and the ears to listen with. My condolences to the family. SHow me a man who is not a Mamas boy deep down...I am and I know it too! :wink:

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I am very sorry for your loss. It must have been a huge shock to lose someone else in your life before you even processed losing your father. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope to get to the other side of all this pain soon. My sympathy.

Rochelle

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I'm still in shock just reading your timeline. How awful for you and your husband. Katie illustrated just what I imagine it to feel like...and I'm so sorry. Maybe in some strange way, you and your husband can bond over this and hold each other up. I know what it's like watching a spouse go through this (my husband was a mommy's boy too), and going through it myself...but certainly not in this time frame.

Please accept my deepest condolences for you losses...may you find small moments of peace and comfort from those around you in the days ahead...and you can always come back here to vent or cry or scream. HUGS...

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