Dianalyn00 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 What a difference one week can make. Andy had his 3 month check up with the oncologist last Monday, the pet scan results were good, cancer hasn't spread or grown. Three days later he is in the hospital fighting for his life. I had thought that I had prepared for this. I have read everything I could on lung cancer and death and dying, but again and again I find myself at a total loss during these last 5 days. I really want to share with you some of the things I have learned this week: 1. In the movies when you call an ambulance...you get an ambulance. In real life when you call an ambulance you get 12 volunteer fireman (all in their own vehicles with flashing lights) 1 fire truck and lastly an ambulance. Your house will be a zoo with 15 people in and out all asking you the same questions over and over. (I do live in a small town... so I am not sure how it would be in a bigger city.) 2. Don't count on the many talks you have had with your spouse about how they don't want to be on a ventilator, get it in writing with witnesses. 3. (I am still in shock about this one) Don't assume that your spouse can die in the hospital. Turns out Andy's breathing trouble was caused by pnuemonia and that also caused a deadly blood infection. I was told Friday that he could have anywhere from 2 hours to 1 week to live. Monday March 31st the hospital tells me that because there is no treatment that the hospital can give him that will make him better my insurance will no longer pay for the hospital stay and he needs to be discharged into hospice. I needed to choose right away. Later that day when I called my insurance company they were angry that I was being told this. They said I have 100% coverage with no limit on how long he is there. They suggested that the hospital wants him out because he is dying and he will be a death statistic to them. It just seems wrong to move someone when death is imminent. I'll post more later. My daughter left her lap top here and I am glad she did. I am too tired to check for spelling errors but I know you all won't mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I'm so sorry this is going on and you have so much you're dealing with, Diana. I've no experience with any of it........there are a few here who I consider to be rather experts on such matters though. I'm sure they will be by soon. In the meantime, I just wanted you to know that someone was here ~ HEARING you. You aren't alone. This diseasee remains a mystery to me as to how, when, why things occur as they do. Then on top of that trying to deal with insurance, hospitals, etc., well, it gets to be overwhelming. How about if I am angry with the hospital and insurance and anybody else you have, so you can focus on the more immediate concern ~ that would be Andy. Sorry again, Diana, I'm no help at all! Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Diana I am so sorry to read this update. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Christine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leela Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (((Diana))) Prayers, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraL Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Diana. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. And you still found the strength to share some of your lessons with us. My prayers are with you at this time. Sandra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (((Diana))), You, your husband and your children have my prayers. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I only wish I could do more. God Bless. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 (((Diana))), Many hugs of support for you during this shocking and sad time. Thank you so very much for your ability to post during all of this. You offer such words of wisdom that are rarely shared. People can research 'til the cow's come home and still not be prepared for the myriad of ways that the loss will happen. I truly feel for you and went through a jolting eye-opening experience at the end of my husband's life too. I just wish more information was available to assist caregivers toward the end, when they desperately need it the most. It doesn't matter whether hospice is involved or you are flying by the seat of your pants, this is the harshest, most emotionally challenging time a loved one/caregiver will ever experience in their life. Nobody seems to want to talk about it and the lack of helpful information is very sad. God bless you for your strength to reach out to others and I pray for comfort and peace for the two of you. I'm so very sorry that this time has come. Hugs, Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flyman35 Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fillise Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 I am so sorry you are going through this now. please know that you and Andy will be in my prayers. Susan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teriw Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Diana, I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. There is just no such thing as "being prepared," because none of us actually knows what we need to be prepared for. It's an awful shock when things just start to roll away out of your control. What the hospital pulled is just inexcusable. All I can say is to take it all one moment at a time. Allow people to help however you feel they can. Focus on your hubby and yourself in the moment. And know that there are some things that are out of your control, as difficult as that is. Hugs, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted April 2, 2008 Share Posted April 2, 2008 Diana, I am so sorry to hear this news... there is no way to prepare for these things... and probably best that sometimes we don't prepare, you just take it as it comes...Please know you and your husband are in my prayers tonight. God Bless you both. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rogfam Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I just want you to know, I work for hospice, and if you find a good one, bringing him home for your final days together can be a good thing, from my experience. But no matter what, you can never be prepared... and again, I'm so very sorry.. Prayers for you both. love christy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leslie Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 Diana-- I am so sorry to hear that you are at this point. I remember feeling this way when my dad was in the hospital and we were told that we needed to stop treatment and that he needed to leave (despite the fact that he was so weak and very sick)...I began to feel like we were in some kind of "no man's land." They also wanted us to leave because there was nothing else they could do. And yet, we really didn't want to move him at that point. We were very lucky in that we connected with a pain specialist at the hospital who agreed that we could keep my dad for 3 more days in the hospital and then decide what to do...and my dad died later that night. If it is at all possible, I would recommend connecting with your doctor--or find out if they have a palliative care specialist on staff-- to see if you can stay for a few more days. The hospital has no right to do this if your insurance is still covering you. My thoughts are with you and your family. Best, Leslie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haysha Posted April 3, 2008 Share Posted April 3, 2008 I am thinking of you, I am sorry this is happening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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