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I am so mad....


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My sister passed almost 2 weeks ago... I am so ticked off right now. It was a couple of PE's that ended up killing her - she had been in the hospital for a week. When I visited her I asked her if she was on any prophylaxis for DVT and she wasn't.... I asked her if she was getting up and she said she was with help. Now I'm feeling like she probably didn't really get up and walk around - she was too unsteady on her feet. I should have pushed to talk to the doctor more - the whole time she was in the hospital ( a week) we never spoke to a doctor... or saw one. It just seems like this PE didn't have to happen. Did they forget about the possibility of a DVT? I want to see her chart now and see if anything is even mentioned about preventing this from happening. If you have someone in the hospital.. make sure you ask how they are preventing a clot. She also could have had compression stockings on.. but didn't. :-( I also kind of got the feeling like... people kind of gave up on her... like well, she's screwed anyway... because of her diagnosis. Even her oncologist acted that way. Sorry, just had to vent. :-(

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I understand where you are coming from. I don't blame you for being mad. I lost faith in doctors and hospitals when I saw what they did to Johnny (overdosed him). The thing is you just can't prove what they did or didn't do. No one really wants to know and the medical board will always stand by the doctors and hospital staff.

As for giving up on her you are right. I was told by the medical board in Washington when I questioned the medications that were given to Johnny that once a person is diagnosed with Lung Cancer all precautions no longer apply.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard to lose someone you love at any time and under any circumstances but when in your heart you know it should never have been at that time. When you know it was because of someones neglect or done deliberately it is even harder.

I hope in time your pain will ease. Don't beat yourself up because you could never have stopped it. They tend to do what they want with cancer patients and most people just look the other way.

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Never apolgize for posting anything here. We do understand and can listen and respond. I am so very sorry to "hear This" and do hope that a lesson can be learned by others from it. My Prayers and thoughts and condolences to you and the whole family.

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I'm so very sorry you are feeling so upset over how your sister died. I guess all of us could look back and say "if only , I coulda, shoulda, woulda", but Faith don't blame yourself. Your point is a good one and perhaps something we should all be aware of , but don't blame yourself for what happened to your sister. All the pain and anger you are feeling is so natural at this point, but sometimes it's just best to let some things go. It wouldn't bring her back. I know you have to do what you feel is right for you, but I just want to let you know that many of us go through the blame game at some point or another. If it will help you , then question the decisions made by the medical profession, but it's so hard to prove wrong doing or cause... I do understand and my heart goes out to you. God Bless you.



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I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. What an unbelievable story...it makes my blood boil too.

I know right at about a month after my mom's passing, when the shock started to wear off, I got REALLY angry at the oncologists. In my opinion they botched a lot of things in the few days before my mom went into hospice (when the onc. FINALLY showed up TWO days after my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital, he tried to talk to her like a normal person, he had no clue what was going on...I had to let him know that she was basically incoherent, drooling and in total pain, and had completely detiorated in those two days.) I can't tell you how many times I sat down in the year my following my mom's passing to write a scathing letter to him, telling him how my sister has nightmares of the second night in the hospital of my mom completely delusional and screaming all night long for him by NAME to help her. About how I feel like he didn't bother with her for two days b/c she was a lost cause. I blamed myself for not calling him over and over until he came to see her. I KNOW your pain and your burning anger, but I want you to know that it will ease, it will. But it will take time...lots of time.

I can tell you that I weighed so many times...is it worth it? Is it worth going back to the hospital, the onc., etc.? Will it get me anywhere, or will it just cause me more pain? And if I'd taken action when my mom was in the hospital - would it really have been worth it...or would it have prolonged her pain? Such difficult, highly emotional questions. So hard to answer.

Again, I just want you to know that where you are and what your feeling is so normal, especially when this is all so recent, and you did EVERYTHING you could to help your sister...just being there with her and holding her hand and loving her, that's the thing we want most at the end of our lives, I think. I hope that someday you will have some peace over this...

Sending you thoughts and prayers tonight...

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I am so sorry for your loss. The circumstances around her passing makes it more difficult, I know. But what Michelle said is so right - you were there for her, you loved her till the end and continue to love her now, you were her loving sister. You need to remember all the good memories with her.

You know,she is still there with you! Just look inside your heart!!

((((Hugs to you ))))

Patti B.

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