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I have a friend that lost her husband recently also. She is making quilts for each of her children out of her husband's shirts. I thought that was a nice idea and I may pick some out and have someone make a small quilt for each of my kids. I know I can't do it (at least not well). I haven't even thrown out John's medications yet. They are in a bag in the drawer. I did throw away his water jug he always took to chemo because I didn't want a reminder of those days...my daughter brought it back in with a big scowl on her face.

It will happen when it happens.

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In the very first days of my grief, when I was in that thick, protective fog that doesn't let you really feel anything, I began parting with some of Joe's things. There are some things that I now regret.

I had decided to donate all of his clothes. My step-father was going to take care of it for me. I bagged everything up then, thankfully, it took some time for my SF to actually take the clothes. I went back through them and kept at least two bags of clothes. I still wear his t-shirts, sweatshirts, pajamas, and his favorite sweater. I was devastated that none of them smelled like him though.

I've had to move since Joe passed. It forced me to go through everything he owned. I moved to a much smaller place, so I was forced to part with a lot of things. But there are some silly things that I had to hold onto. I even kept a bottle of his favorite iced tea.

I love looking at his pictures. I go through phases where I need to see him on video and others where I can't bear to watch. I can't listen to music at all.

I feel very much like I take two steps forward and three steps back. I have a week where I almost feel normal, then the next I am on the verge of tears all day, every day. I have a history of depression, so I've been a little concerned. I have my first appointment tonight for grief counseling.

I'm sorry that so many of us are struggling, but feel better knowing that I'm not alone and a lot of what I'm going through is 'normal'. Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

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I'm so glad everyone is sharing -- because we can see so many similarities. I have food and drinks too -- I have about 5 bottles of Bill's English Barley Water. I don't drink it, but I can't part with it. I think that's where you just wait until you can -- and maybe you don't ever, and that's ok too.

I posted something in the Inspiration forum. I was going to post it here, but it's really beyond the subject of grieving. But addresses some of what we're feeling too. It's called "The Wizard of Westwood." An article about a UCLA basketball coach who lost his wife some years ago. Check it out, I think you'll all like it.

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These are things that we all experience. I don't think time will ever take it all away. It does get better and there are some days when you almost forget for a while but something will always bring up a memory and either a laugh or tears will follow. Is't that good though? Doesn't it help keep a part of our loved ones alive?

I think the hardest thing for me was thinking that Johnny was really gone, that there was nothing left of him. Sometimes other people think they are protecting you by not talking about them and that just inforces the feeling that there is nothing left. Why do some people want to act like a person never existed when they die?

I really think this is a good post. I believe these are things that we need to talk about occasionally. Shouldn't we try to make it a once or twice a month thing? There are so many new people who are just starting out in their grief and maybe these discusions can help them. They still help those of us who have been at this for a long time.

My neighbor was given a flag because her husband had a military funeral. She put that flag in his easy chair where he sat every night. No one here really understands why she did that. I do. I try to tell her too that there is no right or wrong way to grieve but that it is important to grieve. It can only get easier once you let the hard part take control for a while.

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I just want to say that this post has been very helpful for me. It is giving me some insight on what my Mom is going through. They were married for 35 years (the majority of her life) and she is learning bit by bit how to cope. I have been worrying about her alot lately.


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"teriw"]I posted something in the Inspiration forum. I was going to post it here, but it's really beyond the subject of grieving. But addresses some of what we're feeling too. It's called "The Wizard of Westwood."

I read this and it made me cry. I hope some day I can find the balance that this man has found. He has continued on in his life, yet has kept his wife a part of it. Somehow I equate moving forward with moving away. That thinking has really been a hinderance and a source of guilt.

Teri, thank you for sharing and thanks for starting this thread.

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