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I keep having dreams that I go back in time and warn my parents of what is about to happen. That's also a great opportunity for me to "tell" on my brother's and sisters all the terrible things they've done to me. :wink:

I don't know if I am punishing myself because I thought I should have "saved" them, or if these dreams are random...?

I've had 2-3 dreams like this. Sometimes it's just my dad, once just my mom, and this time it was BOTH of them. It was amazing. Like a time travelor or something, I went back and had to prove to them I knew what I was talking about (like some freaky psycic) and then warn them of what was to come if they didn't do this or that...blah blah...

Mostly I remember the hugs, the smells, and them feeling so real.

While the dreams are unnerving to me, they also bring be comfort too. It's weid. I didn't have ANY dreams of my dad the first 3 years after he passed. It was only after my mom passed away that I began to dream of him, then her too.

Anyone else have dreams like this?

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Katie, I have so many dreams about Dennis and I always feel so close when I wake up. I have never had any of this type of dreams and in my dreams, Dennis is always alive. There's a distant feeling. like he's always alive but far away. It seems the more stress and worry I have going on in my life, the more dreams I have.

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My dreams that bothered me were not exactly like yours but they also took me back in time. In my dreams Johnny was sick and I knew it could be bad but he went away because he didn't want me to have to deal with his illness. I kept searching for him and always felt like if I could remember his old phone number I could find him and take care of him and all would be alright.

Like Ann said my dreams at least the ones like that come when I am stressed or when something makes my mind wander back and I start questioning myself again.

Yours sound more like a visit. Maybe your parents want you to know that it wouldn't have made any difference had they known ahead of time.

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I think we know when dreams are random and when they're something more. I have a lot of random dreams I don't give a second thought to, but then others really get to me.

I haven't really had any going back in time dreams, but I've had dreams that I knew held a lot of meaning. And by really thinking about them and talking about them, I actually learned some things about myself. In a couple other dreams, I really felt like I was communicating with Bill (or rather, he was communicating with me) and that he was trying to say "goodbye," or at least "so long." Those were awful, but very real. I think it was just one way my inner self was trying to cope with or begin to accept the reality.

I think when you have those dreams that really get to you it can be very helpful to write everything down. Think about all the details and also about what you're dealing with right now that you might be needing insight or help with. For example, one of my dreams had crowds of people in the midst of intimate situations. I realized that was me trying to get a handle on all the new people I have in my life -- people I'm grateful for, but that I don't really know where and how they fit yet.

Did you have unfinished business with your mom and dad -- even just something you had wanted to communicate to them but couldn't? Or perhaps, do you think that they wished they had communicated something to you? Or maybe you just want their advice and support in dealing with your siblings, which may be something that would have completely taken them by surprise. So many possbilities.

I hope you can gain some insight. I know how unsettling those dreams can be.


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I think I beat myself up because I did not "save" them.

There have been others with an extensive sclc stage and they are survivors- why not my dad...why didn't I "save" him?

My mom was with me everyday- how did I not see "signs" that she would have a stroke.

I always think that if I had done this or that- maybe they could still be alive...???!!

Don't get me wrong- I don't regret anything I did or didn't do. I did a heck of a lot, but I know so much more NOW. I didn't have experts as friends or an insight into new drugs or people to call to help---like I do now....

There wasn't a single regret or anything left unsaid. I just think there is some guilt that maybe had I been better equiped, I could have saved them..I could still have them here.

And yeah..I wish like heck they could be here to "tell" them how terrible my siblings have been and ARE!! LOL Would love to see my mom or dad give them a verbal whipping!!


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Katie, I so understand those feelings of thinking you should have been able to save your parents. I go through that too -- if only I had been more assertive with Bill's doctor, or talked him into going to a university, or realized earlier that the symptoms were something serious, or a million other things.

I think it's about realizing that we're human and it's very different when you're in the midst of a situation than it is when you're looking back in hindsight. That's so much easier said than done.

It's clear you were a great daughter to your parents, and I have no doubt they so appreciated and loved you. And I'm sure they wish they could have protected you from what you're going through too!


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Hello Katie,

I am not sure if you remember me or not I used to come here a lot when I lost my mom to Lung Cancer 5 years ago. I have also just lost my father to cancer two weeks ago and I have come back to read and learn more for those who have walked this path. I believe the part of the grieving process is guilt and blame and more likely than not I will need to be reminded of this.

Katie, you have done an execellent job of helping others. I love the quote by Lance Armstrong you have in your signiture... I am sure your parents are very proud of you and the work you have put in here.

"Any of us who have experienced the cancer journey- and survived it-

have an obligation to make the path clearer and aid those that come after us."

- Lance Armstrong

Hugs, Shelly

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O h yes the old coulda, woulda, shoulda! I beat myself up for all of the things I didn't know and all I should have said or done. I just knew that I had been sent to save Johnny and when he died not only did I feel his loss but I felt like a failure once again(I had just been divorced not long before).

The truth is I did save Johnny. I couldn't keep him alive longer and I'm sure there are things I could have done to do that. I'm also sure that like you at the time I just didn't know enough. I wasn't equiped to do what needed to be done. On the other had I did save him. I saved him from dying alone thinking that no one loved or cared about him. I gave him 5 months of real happiness for the first time in his life. I did save him :!:

You also saved your parents. Sure they died but you gave them the love they needed. You did a much better job than your siblings could have and you asked nothing in return but their love. I have learned that there are many ways to save someone and that does not always mean keeping them alive longer. I also know that as hard as it is to accept there is a reason for everything. Look at what you have accomplished in your dad's name. Look how many lives you have touched and through you your parents have touched. You are a very good example of good things coming from bad and from heartache.

In case you don't get it yet , we all love and appreciate you and you have nothing to feel guilty about. As for your siblings, your parents know and it is a lot easier for them to know those things now than it would have been before. No one can break a parent's heart like a child, especially if they are not the kind of people their parents can be proud of.

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Katie I know the feeling of thinking I should have been able to save my mom. there are so many "if only's " going on in my head some days that some days theres no room for anything else. (if only she quit smoking,if only I insisted on another doctor, if only I had been a better daughter to her and the list could go on forever). But I did learn alot during her illness and I will never let ???? go unanswerd again. This past week I have had to use some of those lessons. My Dad has been in the hospital for the past 10 days. I have been worried about lung cancer with him. He has had three bouts of pneumonia since my mom passed away and each time they said every thing was fine. Well it turns out he has COPD and CHF. I had to fight with the doctor to give him a Ct scan and now its like the nurses see me coming and get ready to run cuz they know I'll have a million ??? and they better have the answers. I think we all have a bad case of the woulda coulda shoulda's. (I wish they had a cure for that) I have decided that I am going to be the best person I can be and to hell with any one who doesnt like it. I think that our parents know what is going on in our lives even though they are not with us and I am sure your Mom knows all that has taken place . Remember what goes around comes around and you have so much good coming round to you.[/i]

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