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Those "this time last year" moments


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We all have them -- those "this time last year" moments. I got ambushed by that this weekend. I was visiting my parents, where we were celebrating my dad's 70th birthday and Mother's Day. Let me tell you, this board has helped me appreciate my parents being in my life.

I was quite happy as I left for their house Saturday morning and was looking forward to the weekend, but had an attack of anxiety and grief the moment I arrived, which didn't end until well after I returned home yesterday afternoon.

I kept downplaying the significance, but the reality is that last Mother's Day was the last time Bill was able to make the 2 hour trip down to my parent's house. He really enjoyed going there, because it's rural and relaxing. I felt so alone and missed him ever so much. It was like the void he left had just magnified by 10 times.

I looked through our medical calendar last night to see what I already knew. This is the time last year when things really started to take a down-turn. By early June we heard the news about massive brain mets, and by mid-July we lost him.

I've just booked tickets to go see Bill's family (my family!) over in England and Spain at the end of July. It's just so unreal to me that by that time he will have been gone a full year. How can that be?

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Oh Teri I can so relate to what you are saying. Those this time moments still hit me and this time I have to say 6 years ago. The pain is not as intense but it is still there.

I bellieve when we go througjh something so tramatizing that those memories are as much a part of us as the hair on our heads are. There seems to be dual meanings like " at this time we did this or that" then it hits me too " at this time Johnny was still with me". It is unbellievable how quickly time passes. How can it be 5 and a half years sense Johnny diied or a year sense your Bill died. It is just so hard to believe.

It does get a little easier with time. I think the bad memories started to be replaced with the good ones and slowly fade into the background. They don't go away but I really don't want them to. All of those memories both the good and the bad are a part of my life with Johnny I never want to forget any of that time. I doubt that you want to forget any of you life with Bill.

The first aniversary is the hardest and soon you will be past it. Don't forget if you need us that your "family" here is always ready and able to listen, and we understand much better than most others.

Take care of yourself and may God Bless you with peaceful, happy memories.

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Special holidays really bring back those memories. John always made Mother's Day special for me and my mom. He would cook a great dinner and we'd all spend the day together. This year it was real hard to get through the day.

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