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Holding It All Together


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Can someone please hand me the Super Glue?? :roll:

I still have a few days to go and I'm not sure I'm going to make it to that first anniversary of Mom's death without taking someone out...I'm so completely and totally angry I don't even want to be around myself. I keep trying all the old tricks to bump up my mood and they might help for a little while, but then I'm right back to wanting to rip someone (anyone) apart if they even breathe wrong.

I HATE this stage of grieving...it just plain old stinks. I hate being so angry, so hateful, so obnoxiously irritable...yet I am, down to my core.

We had to put my 12 year old kitty down last week...I'd gotten her a few months after losing my first daughter. I brought her home to bury her and my husband and I cried non-stop most of the afternoon...to the point where he even said he didn't think he cried that much when his grandmother died. Then we got a new kitten from the Animal Rescue League...unfortunately she would NOT use a litter pan no matter what we tried (or how much money we invested in trying) so I had to take her back and surrender her back to them. My daughter cried her heart out....I bawled while filling out the paperwork. It just feels like I'm never going to go a stretch of time without something else dying...and THAT makes me mad, too!

Thanks for the vent, all...

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I know the anger. One suggestion that I was given was to go to Goodwill and buy and old doll. Beat it and kick it and cuss it out anytime you feel the need. You get some of it off your chest and don't hurt anyone.

Sorry about the kittens. I know how easy it is to get attatched. I suggest you keep trying. The shelters are full and there has to be one that will do well with your family. Usually one a little older is easy to find and you will be saving it as well. Good luck and God Bless you. One year is rough but you will get through it. Eventually the anger will subside but until it does you need an outlet. I hiope I have helped you in some small way.

Lillian

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Missy--I'm so sorry this is such a difficult time. This month has been so hard and then to have to make that difficult decidion for your cat. Have you thought about an older cat? When I lost my kitty 18 months ago I was bound and determined to get a kitten, but my vet called one day and said that he had "my" cat. She was a rescue kitty and somewhere between 1 and 2 years old. I was resistant at first, but went to meet her and he was right. She was my cat (or I was her person). Anyway she was young enough to still be playful, but she had the litter thing down from day one. She makes me laugh every single day. Anyway, I'm thinking about you.

Susan

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I'm sorry about your cat and the attempt with the new kitty....It is a hard time for you right now and I totally get it.

I get there too...the angry, irritated at everything, snippy and miserable feeling- all attributed to my grief. I want to stop it...and I can for brief bits...but for me it has to run it's course..

I am hoping for better days ahead for you and for this one year anniversary to pass genlty.

We get it. We are here for you.

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Missy, You have had way too much sorrow, I'm glad you vented it really helps me to come here and let it all out when I can't stand anymore. In addition to the egg throwing which I'm going to try, I love the sound of breaking glass. Especially Rod's ashtrays, that felt/sounded good. I found another one, a huge one, that is next. I do put them in a plastic bag to save on the mess and the doggies feet. Beating the doll sounds kind of cathartic also. Keep venting, it helps some.

Barb

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Oh Missy I am so sorry for all you are going through. I remember like yesterday how close you were with your mom. I know she is aways with you as she loved you so much. You were such a wonderful, caring daughter.

So sorry about you cat. Mine is 19 and just diagnoised with cancer. She is like in never never land and we have to constantly give her medication and clean her drippy nose. But we love her and we know the time will come soon that we will have to put her to sleep. A thought I don't want to think about.

You don't have to get a kitten... there are so many great older cats who are so loving and had to be surrendered for different reasons. You may wamt to give one of them a home. As kittens are always the first to be adopted. Try finding one in a Petsmart. I always stop by to look at them and there are so many I just want to hug and take home. But I could not do that while our Kelsey is still here.

Enough about that, I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you feel better.

(((((((((MISSY))))))))

Maryanne

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